WRITING

WAITING

` KITTEN LOVE

jaebum can’t find possessions that mean more to him than his three children -- nora, odd, and bagheera. he can’t understand how people think cats are all the same, how they all have one grouped personality. he can describe his three kids in ways that people would think they were actual children, not furry creatures with long tails and padded paws. lately, he’s felt so bad, spending all his time at trc or seocho, when they’re stuck at home, no one to play with or seek attention from. 

he needs a cat sitter -- and he calls upon lee minhyuk. 

“so this is bagheera,” jaebum tells him, tugging lightly on the long, muscular, sleek black cat’s tail. “he’s really friendly but he doesn’t like to be picked up. his favorite place to be scratched is his cheeks, if you were wondering.” which jaebum was sure he wasn’t. “and the white one is odd,” he says pointing to the small cat sitting in the spot of sun by the window. “he loves to be cuddled and he purrs really loud too.” he laughs softly before looking around and not seeing nora, which is not unusual. “nora is around here somewhere, the siamese. she’s kind of a queen, doesn’t really socialize much.” 

jaebum leans back, tired from a long day of training. “they really don’t need much. just someone to play with and check on their food and water. i’ll pay you too if you want, i really just need someone to make sure they’re not eating each other alive or something.”

` LATE NIGHT

time isn’t in his hands, it’s slipping through them. he doesn’t even recall the last few years in moments, just eras now. he’s happy, that’s what he tells himself. there’s no way he can’t be -- thinking against the time when he was falling asleep in random hotel rooms with people who didn’t care to learn his name. he has everything; an eventual path to debut under one of the most successful companies, a beautiful girlfriend, a roof over his head, somewhat okay health. but here he is, drinking on an empty stomach in a club where he used to know everyone. but now he knows no one, or rather no one knows him. 

his eyes scan the club, looking and watching. yuta’s not with him tonight, he’s not really sure where he is but jaebum isn’t unused to drinking alone. but he lands on a familiar face -- lee donghyuck is downing some drink, setting it on the bar and leaning in close to kiss someone he doesn’t recognize. but then he’s disappearing, maneuvering his way through the crowd until jaebum can’t see him anymore. jaebum never breaks the silence but there’s a simple worry that runs through him. 

moving closer to the person donghyuck’s left to his own devices, jaebum leans close. “aren’t you and your friend a little too young to be here?” it’s a question he knows the answer too -- he doesn’t know when donghyuck’s birthday is but he knows that he can’t be more than barely legal. “i’m not gonna out you or anything but... it is a school night, isn’t it?” 

` TEQUILA

[ tw alcohol mention ] 

he doesn’t think of himself as too much of a bad influence but he also doesn’t think too much about anything these days, so he doesn’t think about how he’s leading a minor to an underground club that’s overflowing with alcohol and probably a lot of other illegal substances. but he supposes lucas can handle it. “i’ll show you around to everyone.” the music is loud and the bass is heavy against his heart but jaebum feels at home in a club again, spending too long moping in practice rooms and failing to write music. 

jaebum knows the owner of this club so lucas isn’t bothered to bring a fake id, they’re waved right in as the bouncer nods to jaebum, patting him on the back and telling him he’s not seen him for sometime. jaebum just smiles and walks through the back of the club to the bar to get drinks. “all drinks are on me, okay? it’ll be my treat for you coming out with me.” 

` BAD HABIT

[ tw mentions of eating disorders ]

jaebum can’t remember the last time he wasn’t tired. he knows he should eat but he can’t bring himself to even order things that he likes; chicken and ramen don’t settle in his stomach right and everytime he tries to eat a sickness takes over him, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. he doesn’t let many people see him like this, avoiding glances his way in the halls of socheo and trc. when he can he hides himself away, only letting yuta close though he’s sure his best friend barely wants to see him like this. 

his eyes are about to close when he hears his doorbell ring coaxing him to his feet and almost stumble to the door. he opens it to find ten, a recent friend... with some benefits. he smiles, letting ten inside. “i’d ask what you’re doing here but i think i already know.” he looks ten up and down, noticing he’s almost skinner than himself, but he doesn’t say anything -- knowing quite well that he wouldn’t want ten to say anything to him either. 

` LOVE BY MY SIDE

after everything, jaebum was sure that he and suji deserved a night to get out of their heads. he had been stifled, things seemed like they started not to matter anymore. self isolation had become his coping skill, and it had worked up until he realized that he was beginning to fold inward, until he felt so small. suji’s touched opened him, however, like sunlight to a blooming rose. he wanted to celebrate that and the six months that he’s loved her, how much she’s brought to his pathetic life. 

the private room is set up beautifully and no one will bother them here, that he’s made sure of. after he’s picked up suji, he holds her hand tightly. “you look beautiful,” he says. “i’ve missed you. i feel like i barely see you. those four hours between days aren’t enough.” and he’s right but he doesn’t want to think about training, not while their together. he pulls the chair out for her and lets her sit down before he walks around to the other side of the table. “hungry?”