Achilles: Wow, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Patroclus: We literally slept together yesterday.

Achilles: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Jurdan have such regal vibes with gold jewelry and lavish clothes, which in turn makes me forget that the protagonists are an angsty 18 year old immortal fae who can’t process his emotions and a revengeful 17 year old human girl who’s mind is always consumed with hating said fae

jude duarte

I'm sorry but this is hilarious.

Cardan: *Literally explaining how he was so worried about her and wanted her back so badly that he went to the mortal world to look for her sisters and supposedly they had a heated argument over what they should do to save her*

Jude, high as a kite on her own bullshit: Oh wow. I see. So what you're saying is basically that you went there and charmed my sisters because you're still a little slut? What a nasty FUCKING whore you are. Enchanting everyone, making everyone like you SO easily just because you look good. FUCK you, you thirsty whore!

?????????????

Girl on what level of delusional are you on right now??? 😭😭

I'M SCREAMING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

this was literally cardan in book 1

AND THIS IS HIM IN BOOK 3 BENDING HIS MORALS TO SAVE HIS WIFE AND KEEP HER WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH HE HAS TO KILL PEOPLE TO DO THAT SHUT UP OMG OMG

do you still obsessively think about how cardan tried to offend jude by saying "did I tell you how hideous you look tonight?" and jude called it right then and there by saying "no, tell me" knowing full well he can't lie or are you normal

Sometime after Jude is revealed to be Cardans wife and she's unconscious

Cardan: that's my wife

Someone: but sir she tried to kill you

Cardan: that's how she flirts

Someone: she made you king without your permission

Cardan: that was a miscommunication

Someone: she murdered your brother

Cardan: every couple has issues

Jurdan gets funnier and funnier the more you think about them and realize how much of a big loser both of them are when it comes to love.

Mfs get married to supposedly "form a trustworthy alliance" -> Cardan exiles Jude the next day to impress her, because apparently his rizz disappears when it truly matters 💀 -> Jude takes it seriously, stays in the human world for months and is salty af -> Cardan cries himself to sleep and writes pathetic little letters to her. Like wow you did that to yourself you dumb bitch 😭

And don't get me STARTED on their dumbass confessions. Cardan's was, I'm pretty sure, 80% on a whim. Like, maybe he had prepared the words in his mind but he didn't plan to confess to her right then and there at such a bad time. Says "well you probably already guessed as much" at the end then RUNS AWAY probably because he's overwhelmed and Jude is left standing there like???? No I fucking didn't guess you liked me lmao??? I'm dumb af bro, should've been this direct from the start :')

And Jude's is also hilarious because she says it kind of hurriedly as soon as they're alone, since she had promised herself to tell him the first moment they get together. Girlie confesses and CARDAN DOESN'T BELIEVE HER 😭 so homegirl has to EXPLAIN in DETAILS when she thinks she started to fall for him, why she started to like him, why she believed he didn't like her and why she felt the need to hide it. And ONLY after that whole ass explanation Cardan's finally like "omg!!! You liked me because I'm clever and funny?!?? Omgggg..."

Those fuckers were really married for months before fumbling their way through awkward confessions because they can't indulge in the thought that the other likes them. Like they were legit EMBARRASSED to admit that they like eachother while being MARRIED. Please this is so unserious, get real.

Boy who falls in love with girl after she beats the shit out of him gotta be one of my favorite dynamics fr

Grace Chastity is the most character ever.

She is 18 years of age and thinks carrying books is equivalent to sex, she’s got the school bully wrapped around her finger and doesn’t even know it, she announced her desire for anal at the dinner table, she wanted to fuck the quarterback so bad she decided to ruin his social status instead and accidentally murdered him, she can bury a body well, she refuses to swear, she’s held several people at gunpoint, the first time she swore she called god a son of a bitch, her chastity is the most important thing to her, she lost her virginity to a ghost, she doesn’t even drink caffeine and instead has warm water, she consumes the souls of men after making a deal with eldritch horrors.

GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GRACE CHASTITY I GET WHY BILL WANTED ALICE TO DATE SOMEONE LIKE HER

Starkid Monologue Masterpost

Hey, all! So, as I was searching for some audition material that I had been considering using for future auditions, I noticed that I’d have to type out a lot of Starkid monologues if I ever wanted to have those available. And I thought…why not share those with others? So, under the read more, you’ll find an organized list of monologues from different Starkid shows, complete with credits to the writers so that you’re golden for your auditions! Don’t hesitate to reblog, share it amongst the nerds! And if anybody else has typed out monologues, feel free to shoot me a message and I’ll add it to the list, along with a note saying who transcribed it!

Keep reading

Kol and Hope: *ends up in jail*

Hope: So, who do we call?

Kol: I'd say one of your parents but I feel safer in here