here's a big happy 18 to neil banging out the tunes - he can vote now

I want a little coffee drink and $450,000

she has a willatine for you ☺️

I have a very big crush on u but sadly I am only a little bug and u are a garden

I can’t handle this 🥺

touched by this

We're on a new platform with a totally different audience...we have to prove ourselves all over again...convince a totally new group of people to think we're funny and worth your attention....so allow me to drop some of my "A" material....the funniest thing I got.......here goes....... jeef berky

life advice: if ur cishet male friends dont let u call them babygirl theyre not worth it. but also this is dangerous bc then u’ll buy them a coffee at starbucks and they’ll say thank u daddy and u will automatically respond ur welcome babygirl and then the entire starbucks will be staring at u bc it is 2:45pm on a wednesday. this may happen multiple times. do with this what u will

i feel like im watching 2 wizards casting a spell to curse me

'Am Boden zerstört' is honestly such a good saying and I'm kinda sad that we don't use it much in german. 'Destroyed on the floor' to express how you're feeling? Like yes indeed I am fully destoyed lying on the floor because I can't keep going anymore. Sometimes it does feel like that

the gender performance of dolly parton and bruce springsteen (sources: x x)

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

Lev and Svetlana are science students at Moscow University. They fall in love. World War II happens. Lev goes to war and is captured by the Germans. After the war, denounced by fellow Russians who heard him speaking German, Lev is sentenced to death for treason, his sentence commuted to ten years in the gulag. I am so far sorry for Lev and Svetlana but not amazed. My amazement begins when Svetlana breaks into the gulag, not once but several times, to see and touch Lev. I have lived for three weeks as a man who knows this thing was done, have washed dishes and dug a trench trying to imagine her first step after closing the door, the first step Svetlana took under the power of the thought, I am going to sneak into the gulag. I felt I knew the world and then found out it contained that first step and every next step toward guns and dogs and the Arctic Circle, it made me so happy that she did this that I dug a better trench and washed cleaner plates and tried to think of a place on my wife’s body I’d never kissed. I thought of such a place and kissed her there and explained why kissing her there was the least I could do to show the world I have a new and more generous understanding of life: I will get drunk and throw knives at clouds but also kiss my wife’s darkest privacy to demonstrate I am willing to convert reverence to deed. After I told my wife the story of Lev and Svetlana, she went to the ground and put her hands around a dead plant and screamed at it to try harder, she looked foolish and I loved her even more and joined her in screaming at death, it made me feel Russian and obstinate and eternal, all good things to feel, and where I kissed her isn’t necessarily where you’re thinking: maybe miles into her ears and not with lips but words.

— Bob Hicok, “Love,” in Elegy Owed