Cordial's Corner

Dear Manny,

I was born and raised here! 

But I did do a fair bit of vacationing in my youth!

So many lovely sights and memories, but I do have to admit that 

I am still most partial to good ol’ Ponyville!

Dear Stripes,

Congratulations! Love is a wonderful thing.

But since you’ve asked for my advice, it sounds like things aren’t butterflies and roses! So here are a few things to consider.

Especially with notable figures such as princesses (though it applies in a wider context), it’s important to ask yourself if you love somepony, or if you’re in love with them.

Love is a beautiful thing, but a lot of ponies don’t realize that what they’re feeling is a simple love, not a complex love. Like the difference between puppy love and a couple that has been married for years and years.

Complex love requires time, patience and a mutual interest in learning about each other and letting your feelings grow organically. Simple love is no less important, but usually has a shakier foundation. Based exclusively on one facet of another pony’s existence. Like just respect or admiration, or just finding them attractive, or just appreciating having them around.

Simple love can blossom into complex love, and there are platonic and romantic versions of both, to be sure! 

My most basic of advice would be to get to know them more as an individual so you can appreciate them as a friend organically before worrying about romance. You don’t have to define your feelings as simple or complex, platonic or romantic right away, that’s what life is for!

Though my advice would be completely different if you were to tell me you’re already close friends who’ve been active in each other’s lives for a while now. So I can’t really offer specific advice without further information!

Dear Dup and Lex,

Historically I think that most magical tales place a lot of hope in individuals that have half a soul! I have a story that I think might soothe your worries!

(The story gets long, so it’s under a cut)

Dear Spiegel,

Fear for the future and anxiety can make it hard for anyone to sleep. First things first! Getting a good night of sleep can help with so many subsequent problems, it’s key to solve that problem first. 

For your sleeping problem, try to give yourself permission to sleep. As silly as it might sound to an outsider, there’s quiet a few individuals who won’t let themselves do things that they need to do because there was something else they were supposed to do. From sleeping to eating to even just relaxing, there are a bunch of different things that people withhold from themselves as ‘punishment’. Please know, self-care is not a reward, it is a necessity.

If that doesn’t work, keep talking, keep asking for help, keep seeking ways to help yourself get a good nights sleep. A good night sleep can be the difference between having the energy to take on something that will change your life for the better, and feeling like you’re stuck in a rut.

Now, for the second part... I’m afraid, no one can really tell you what you’re supposed to do with your life in the future. I can give you the advice to find something you love doing and find a way to get paid for it. But the truth is that’s a luxury that we can’t all afford. 

What I can tell you, is you should find something that you love to do anyways. Even if you don’t get paid for it, even if it can’t be the job that pays the bills. There’s no shame in working a job that you aren’t passionate about. Sometimes a job is a calling, but most times, its just a job. 

Find something you love and do that every minute that you’re free to. All you need to do is make enough to live day to day. 

There’s no pressure to find that thing that you’re ‘supposed’ to do for the rest of your life right now. The ‘rest of your life’ will start when you find it, and until then you can enjoy trying to figure out what it is.

Stripes,

The short answer is... You can’t. 

The long answer is, you do something that you love. So that all the effort is towards something you would want to do whether you were earning a lot of bits or not.

I don’t agree with that ‘work doing something you’ll love, and you’ll never work a day in your life’ saying. Even things you love take work. But working hard on something that you love is all together different than working hard on something that you just tolerate. 

Dear Maine,

I love preparing for Nightmare Night! I always have! Now that I’m older, I usually go for a ‘wicked witch in a candy house’ aesthetic when I’m considering my exterior decorations. 

There’s another thing I do to prepare though! I get a few different categories of treats for the young ones who come to the door! First, I make sure that I get my treats at different times and that they’re all carefully packaged and placed in separate baskets so there’s no chance for cross-contamination! And I label them clearly, so that when I bring out all of them to hand out treats, the little ones can pick something that they don’t have an allergy to!

If by some chance, some poor filly or colt is allergic to all my choices, I also have a few small trinket style toys that I have next to the door for them. So nopony is left out!

Nightmare Night is really one of my favorite holidays!

Redventure,

This sounds a little beyond the conventional wisdom of ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions.’ So let me try and unpack some advice that would be helpful.

If you feel like your moral compass is pointing in the wrong direction, and that bothers you, my advice would be to get that baby realigned! 

Everyone has their own ideas of what is right and wrong, what’s for the greater good or their own gain. And if you don’t already agree with someone, it’d be difficult to get someone to change their mind. Even if what you’re saying makes sense.

But the difference here is, because your business is bothering you, it means that YOU want a change in your life. Ultimately, my advice would be to choose the path that you feel will accomplish the least harm. 

When you’re focused on what does the ‘most good’ it’s easy to get wrapped up in what you think is forward progress, only to not be taking into account how your actions might be negatively impacting others. But by actively seeking out the path that does the least harm, you’re setting yourself up to more often be aware of your actions negative effects! 

I hope this helped!

Dear Glitterwolf,

While I don’t have fangs myself, I can relate very sincerely to your problem. It was very brave of you to come to me and speak of something that clearly upsets you so much. The reason I can relate is I was the very last person in my school to get my cutie mark. I was very self-conscious about it. I didn’t want to go outside where I felt like everyone was talking about my blank flank. 

But now that I’ve got many years to my credit, I’ll make you a promise. And this promise is the truest truth in all of the world.

I can’t promise that your fangs will grow in tomorrow. I can’t promise you that no one would ever stoop so low as to tease you about them or be mean. And that sucks, I’m really sorry. But– I can without any hesitance or doubt, promise you this:

No one who judges you for it matters, and no one who matters will judge you for it. You are worth far far more than the sum of your parts! And you deserve people in your life who treat you with respect. 

If someone says something cruel about your fangs, stand up for yourself. And if you’re too nervous to do so, it really helps if you pretend that you’re sticking up for a close friend!

If someone says something hurtful in ignorance, let them know! You are helping them blossom into better, more thoughtful people by doing so! A lot of the time, it comes down to speaking without thinking, and people will see the error of their ways if you calmly but firmly, point out the way that they are hurting you. 

Fangs will come in time! Until then, make sure you don’t dwell too long on the upsetting things in life and make time for the things, and the people, who make you happy.

Dear Xroots, 

The loss of limbs is mentally and emotionally draining. Even if you get state of the art prosthesis to ease the transition! If you feel like it is time to step out of your current lifestyle and move on to a quieter life, it sounds like you’ve worked very hard and you’ve earned it! What’s important is that you clear your head, and think about your options.

No one can decide if you’re ready for retirement, except for you! Though, I will say, (from very current personal experience, I might add) the best advice I can offer you is this. Cultivate your current or even new interests, rather than just dedicating your time to being a stay at-home-colt. It’ll be more interesting for you in the long run, and overall is healthier for any relationship.

Making love is well and good and all, but you can’t do the deed all day! Even if you might like to try!  ; )

The most important thing is that you make the right decision for yourself! I would recommend taking a vacation so that you can unwind and clear your head, even if you don’t end up quitting. You could think of it as a retirement-test run!

Uh.. no deary, my house is fine.

Please, do try to fly higher than… ground level... Especially if you’re prone to not watching where you’re going! Somepony could get hurt! 

You, for instance!

“Suey,

Personal boundaries are very important, so if someone is disrespecting your boundaries you need communicate with them! It is good to be polite, but you should be clear about what is the matter, and firm about finding a solution to the problem. 

But, people’s ideals and expectations are different! If you’re asking people to be mindful of your boundaries, you should be prepared to be mindful of theirs in return. 

It’s good, and usually necessary, to be flexible. Most people don’t realize they are treading on others boundaries because they are too wrapped up with their own! And just like yours are what make you comfortable, theirs are too!

Sometimes there can be no resolution or compromise between people’s personal boundaries, which is completely fine! The key is to try and recognize that situation as early as possible and give each other space to feel comfortable. Even if it ultimately means you can’t become good friends with someone because the things that you require to feel safe or respected are outside the realm of ‘a little out of your comfort zone’.

Though that’s pretty rare! A lot of problems have very reasonable compromises! I’m sure with some discussion, yours will as well!”

“Oh dear, I’ve never known any pony to try and kill something on sight! Unless it was a changling? Are you a changling? I’ve heard there’s a nice one who’s settled down in the Crystal Kingdom! 

You should try moving there and making friends with him! The ponies there have been more open minded as of late I’ve heard!”

“Dear Banana Pie,

Thank you.. very much for the banana. It’s a thoughtful gift! 

Now, it is a hard time in a foal’s life when one’s parents aren’t as active or supportive in their life as they should be. And it’s a real shame, because no foal deserves that. But it’s important to realize, that even if one’s born kin aren’t supportive, that everyone can find friends who will help them through their life.

It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, it’s often only repeated in part. Which makes it lose its entire meaning! You might have heard the proverb, “Blood is thicker than water.” But it actually goes, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” And I think its very important to remember that. Friends are the family you choose.

Now, it might be possible in the future for family members to grow and learn how to be there for those who need them, and you should keep your heart open for that. But you don’t deserve to stand there alone making sacrifices for people who don’t appreciate you. You are strong enough to make it on your own! And if you need help, friends are the key!

So my advice would be to stop worrying about finding a way to connect with your father all the time. He should meet you half way! Because you deserve to be treated decently by those you are making an effort to love and understand. 

I do hoped that helped deary,

"Stripes,

I’m feeling more and more like a time capsule rather than advice columnist!

But since you’ve been so polite, I’ll oblige you!

I can still see it all so clearly if I close my eyes and think back. Lava lamps and tie dye clothes... Bell bottoms and big glasses... Slogan buttons and cloth patches! A coltfriend of mine at the time gave me a mood ring as a promise ring! Ha! I don’t think we ever met up again after that actually...

Anyhoo, I’d go to concerts and listen to Hoof Dylan and Janis Trotlin and Broni Hendrix. Though don’t get me wrong, I was a fan of The Breezies and the Beach Colts and Flank Sinatra too. 

I loved listening to them live, or on my record player. Oh how I miss going to live concert venues, but I fear my weary hooves and sensitive ears just wouldn’t cut it at one. 

Well, now that I’ve prattled your ears off, I hope that sated your curiosity!”

“Dear Lovelorn in Las Pegasus,

Communication is key m’dear! If you like him and if he treats you well, the biggest piece of advice I can give to you is to confront him about the things that are bothering you.

It is easy for ponies to feel like they’re being ‘mentally unfaithful’ if they’re not all about their significant other all the time. Or as arduously as they were at the beginning of their relationship. But it’s simply not the case! Being in a relationship isn’t about butterflies all the time. The most important thing is you treat each other well and enjoy each other’s company.

Everything else takes effort and a lot of talking!

It might help you to bring up the things that bother you, if you mention solutions that you both can take part of together. For example, if he’s messy, decide on a time to clean up together before doing something fun together! 

If he reacts poorly to being asked about his bad habits, that’s another matter. But give your coltfriend a chance to understand that something is making you upset!”

“I...I don’t know. 

I’m sorry?”