Uranus and Neptune

I just feel like I am stuck in an anxiety loop and it makes me so exhausted.

I'm 29.

I really don’t mind turning 29 in 2 days. I’ve never had a big issue with getting older and growing up. I mean I look up to old happy women and I aspire to be just that. But I just struggle to be okay right now. And I should be excited about my birthday and spending time with my favorite people. But I am just feeling not okay. I dunno why I’m saying this. Maybe I just need to get it out of my system.

how do you believe in yourself, when you ~ have the confidence of a peanut~?

I should have never gotten my giant cintiq. I'm drawing on my small one again, because my desk is not big enough, and I am feeling so much better while drawing!

That being said... I try really hard to make my head be less worried about it, as grim as everything is right now, the reason why I started drawing as a child was not to become a great artist. I simply drew because it made me happy and I loved doing it. Whatever happens, I still love creating. Nobody can take this from me. I'm not a big artist. I'm just a tired, avoidant bean that has some silly ideas and big dreams. All I can do is hope that things will be somewhat okay. Trying to channel my inner Katara here. Hope~ and a thick skull. After all, I'm just a human. I'm not massively smart, and I'm not stupid either. And I just want to enjoy my life.

I guess what my post was about, was that 10 years ago the only worry I had was people uploading my art on their own blogs without credit and sometimes even act like they did it. All I'm hearing about glaze and stuff is that you need a highend pc to run it and it's just a damn hustle honestly. I just want to draw, man. Share my art with people who are interested in it and, when I'm not completely exhausted by my dayjob and anxiety, offer commissions again. It's just all so damn depressing. Like I hate how people just have no respect for other peoples hard work and straight up try to steal someones skill to fabricate lookalikes for their own gain. And every fucking website is jumping onto the bandwagon and be like: Heck yeah! Another way to exploit people! I'm just trying to have a good time, which has been difficult for several years now. And this shit is just not helping. I know that it has never been truly better, but sometimes being oblivious is just better for ones mental health.

And I guess >I've always felt "safer" on this platform< has less to do with the actual privacy stuff and more with the fact that it's less overstimulating compared to twitter for example. It felt like it was cut out for me, for a long time. But now I guess it's just rotting away.

I feel like there is no place anymore where you can post your art without worry, eh?

Will today be the day I finally draw again?

anyone knows of a good place to get lougewear from? I always struggle to find a nice brand I like. I just need new sweatpants, I don't know why I'm struggling so much to find any that I like...

It actually kinda scares me how I'm not the only one who struggles with creating art. I feel like most artists I follow here or elsewhere just kinda struggle. This, or the algorythm just swallows them up for me to think nobody draws anymore. Just once in a while I see a drawing again and it makes me super happy to see that at least someone is faving fun. I try so hard to get creative again and draw my characters and actually start my projects that live 95% just in my head. It's just so damn hard...