ITS A SECRET💕

Daily reminder ♡

When i had breast reduction surgery, i got into the OR and got put on this table that looked like a flat crucifix (arms out so they could get to the girls), and i said ‘god, don’t nail me down’

they put the mask on my face and the nurse said ‘no jesus treatment today’

and the last thing i said to her was ‘jesus with some big ass titties’ and then passed out. 

Post complete. We can all go home now

I’ve only been given anesthesia once abs it was for my wisdom teeth.

It was my second time there because the first time they tried 7 times to get the IV in and I ended up having a panic attack, so the second time I was fairly nervous. I brought my earbuds in with me to be able to listen to my music. I remember after they got the iv in, the doctor took off the band around my arm that was slowing blood flow. I was so fascinated by how he seemed to just flick it off with one finger and I just stared at my arm. A few seconds passed and I started thinking about the music I had, if I should skip to the next song, and then out of nowhere I had gauze in my mouth.

fathers casually dropping the craziest lore of their lives in the middle of a conversation

My brother and I trying to piece together our dad’s life based on random info he casually brings up once and then never mentions again

When my great grandpa was on his deathbed my grandpa (his son) was with him and says his last words were “I told them they shouldn’t have hanged that woman. Well by damn they’re paying now” and no one in my family knows what the fuck that means

My grandmother was harassing me about the dangers of online dating, and my grandpa was like, “Oh fer crying out loud, leave her alone. My parents met online, she’ll be fine.” Apparenly my great grandparents were both telegraph operators who would chat over the line in between messages and fell in love and my great grandma moved halfway across the country to marry a dude she met over the telegraph.

No one alive in the family had ever heard this story until like 70+ years later when I happened to start seeing a dude from OK Cupid.

empty nester Bruce Wayne real… sighs and files this under Things I Really Thought Were Fanon But In Fact Are 100% Canon

Taylor: 🎵It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero🎵

Me: babe you have no idea 😭😭😭😭😭

Bruce getting turned into a bat but instead of a big scary flying fox or even a vampire bat he gets turned into. bumblebee bat.

Thinking about the time the entire batfamily accidentally came across the same body

Just them sharing one brain cell <3

Gothamites when Batman first appeared on tv with the Justice League:

Bruce you should know better by now !

–

based on this post by @wayne-core !!

I think Damian and Tim should just both be Robin at the same time. No more beef about who the title belongs to or who the better Robin is, just…. taking turns.

One night Damian is like “I do no have the capacity for Father’s emotional incompetence this evening” and Tim is like “aight i got it, you take the night off” or Tim is overworking himself too much so Damian is “I temporarily relinquish you of your duties”

Sometimes they both go out as Robin, just to mess with the Gotham rogues. Some goon has an altercation with Robin and decides to just hightail it out of there, only to turn around and “oh my god there’s another one”

Sometimes they switch out halfway through patrol and gaslight Bruce about it like “Tim?? Where is Damian??” “wtf i’ve literally been here all night, i can’t believe you thought i was damian, what kind of dad are you” (they actually switched out bc damian has a test the next day and needs a good nights rest)

One night a year, all the former Robins dress up in their old costumes and there’s like 5 robins terrorizing Gotham. cass gets a robin costume too bc she wants to be included.

Brotherhood

My mom got a scarf for her dog to make him "look cool" and I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to look cool 😭😭 He looks like he's going to the market to sell radishes

The stinker!! Little Jason!!!!!! Little Jay!!!!!!!

how does it feel to be the funniest person on earth

And those kooky little dudes from the umbrella academy!!

Wayne Family Twitter Adventures // Part One