when u a English nobleman in the 1600s

my favorite emotion is when someone does something kinda foolish and all you can say is “i love you” in response

thinking about the time i offered my mom some of my spray deoderant and when she asked me what flavor it was I immediately sprayed it into my mouth and went “the bad kind”

and by ‘the time’ i meant this literally happened 15 minutes ago

there are two types of pet owners:

1. my baby!!! my fucking cinammon apple!!!!!!!

2. naughty boy. ugly. stinky bastard man.

pet owners tag yourselves

Now you know!

it is bedtime o'clock evorybody !

pls get into bed & become sleep now. good nighte !

I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP

irrelevont. sleep now or else

he has alreadé decreed good nighte . donot provoke him

so i went to the zoo yesterday and saw the cutest family of otters ever

and then i checked their names

they’re all NAmED aftER fOOD

EXCEPT kEVIN

WHY

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS

i was curious (and kinda hoped that kevin was like, the manager of the whole foods) so i googled it and: 

RUTABAGA. THE POLL ONE IS RUTABAGA NOT KEVIN.

and dare I say it,

Man Builds Custom-Made Monopoly Board to Propose to His Girlfriend

That man has a lot of guts, assuming anyone will still love him halfway through a game of Monopoly.

Anyway here’s some of my favorite hurricane Florence facebook events

Oh ho ho it’s magic

Never believe it’s not so🎵

Damn, look how ripe these soda’s are. Almost ready for peeling.

oof….

Now this is perfection. nice and juicy 

call that a freshlight

nothing like deep dicking an ice cold frussy

learning how to read was the biggest mistake of my life

adulthood is a scam i want to be a crow

I’m not even an adult and I want to be a crow.

The desperation only grows with years

Be the crow you wish to see in the world

-Collect Shiny Things

-Hop happily down the street for no apparent reason

-Scream loudly when you see your friends 

What an incredibly inspiring addition thank you

@crowburdbrain