some of you didn’t spend four years waiting for ben solo’s redemption arc and for him and rey to realise their feelings for each other only to have him die straight after and it shows.
headcanon: thor understands enough about the process to order things with custom slogans but the attempts always turn out like Mr. Peanutbutter’s
Prompt List of Sarcasm
- “Well, what can I say? I’m a badass.”
- “Define normal.”
- “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
- “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
- “Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”
- “It’s amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm.”
- “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”
- “And you wonder why you’re still single.”
- “Remind me to kill you. Please.”
- “I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”
- “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”
- “Were you dropped on your head?”
- “She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage.”
- “She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but I bet behind close doors she’s latex and whips.”
- “If my day gets any worse, I’m asking hell if they’re having an exchange program.”
- “Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”
- “If I survive, can I go home?”
- “My middle finger salutes you.”
- “This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you.”
- “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.”
- “I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.”
- “Insanity run in my family. It practically gallops.”
- “Oh darling. Go buy a brain.”
- “Somebody’s cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”
- “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
- “All due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap.”
- “I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”
- “Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”
- “What did I tell you about calling her/him the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”
- “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”
- “I need therapy after this.”
- “You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”
- “I’m not weird. I am limited edition.”
- “I turned out liking you a lot more that I originally planned.”
- “I think you’re weird.” “I think you’re boring.”
- “If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur.”
- “You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?”
- “I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…” “A dangerous pastime.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but you’re brain would explode.”
- “Wow, there’s a big surprise. I think I’m going to have a heart attack and die from surprise.”
- “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make you ancestors dizzy.”
- “Even when we were kids, I always kicked your ass!”
- “Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”
- “You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good.”
- “Well, excuse me, psychic wonder!”
- “The female of the species is more deadly than the male.”
- “Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”
- “She’s hot, but she’s evil.”
- “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.”
- “I already know that I’m going to hell. At this point it’s really go big or go home.”
- “Go on, knock his teeth down his throat.”
- “You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater.”
- “What’s the point in screaming? No one’s listening anyway.”
- “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”
- “So stick that in your juice box and suck it.”
- “Never take life seriously. No one ever comes out alive anyway.”
- “This place hold a lot of memories for me. Some bad, some… No. No, no, all bad.”
- “A little gasoline… blowtorch… no problem.”
- “Good, bad, I’m the one with the gun.”
- “I know you can’t kill anybody, ‘cause I can’t kill anybody.”
- “You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant.”
- “What you call insanity, I call inspiration.”
- “Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”
- “Why should we date?” “Because we are attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.”
- “Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”
- “I like you. You’re different.”
- “You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”
- “Neither one us is drunk enough for this conversation.”
- “You’re questioning my methods.” “I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid.”
- “Wow, somebody needs a Happy Meal.”
- “I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”
- “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”
- “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
- “I care so little, I almost passed out.”
- “Well behaved woman rarely make history.”
- “You’re so weird.” “You have no idea.”
- “The universe may not always play fair, but at least it’s got a hell of a sense of humor.”
- “You haven’t even seen my bad side yet.”
- “Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”
- “How’s life treating you?” “Like I ran over it’s dog.”
- “Rule number one: don’t bother sucking up. I already hate you, that’s not going to change.”
- “Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we.”
- “I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. Give me a drink.”
- “You make no sense to me.” “Welcome to my life.”
- “Have fun being deal.” “I will.”
- “Damn, you’re strong for a little thing.”
- “It’s called thinking. Go with it.”
- “I made a new friend today.” “Real or imaginary?” “Imaginary.”
- “Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”
- “I’m getting real bored and impatient. I don’t do bored and impatient.”
- “The girl is strange no question.”
- “Do us a favor… I know it’s difficult for you… but please, stay here, and try no to do anything… stupid.”
- “I know most people don’t like me; I don’t care, I don’t like most people.”
- “You are a very strange person.” “Well, thanks for noticing.”
- “I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but… no.”
- “I didn’t steal it. I permanently borrowed it.”
- “I’m not shy. I’m just examining my prey.”
- “If you pull out my earphones, I will pull out your lungs.”
- “I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”
- “Are you crying? No, I’m impersonating a fountain.”
- “Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”
- “You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”
- “I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”
- “My advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.”
- “I’m just gonna pack up and go straight to hell now.”
- “My ex? Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or baseball bat.”
- “She’s complicated like the DaVinci code, you know but harder to crack.”
- “And just like everything else we do around here, it’s about to get weirder.”
- “Such big evil in such a little thing.”
- “Why do I still like you, knowing you’re a total asshole?”
- “What does not kill you will likely try again.”
- “Oh honey, I would but… I don’t want to.”
- “And hello to you too… little homewrecker.”
- “I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”
- “I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.”
- “What doesn’t kill me might make me kill you.”
- “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution.”
- “I’m not crazy. I’m just interesting.”
- “Don’t make me pop your ten grand sand bags honey.”
- “This is fun.” “Seriously, we’re trying to hide a body.”
hi send me a number and a character -marvel & star wars- and help me practice writing xx
Kylo + pregnancy headcanons
@marvel-imagines-yes-please : Pregnancy headcannins w/ Kylo? Thanks babe 🙏🏻🌻✨
A/N: Oh boy it’s clear I haven’t written in a long, long time. Won’t stop me from posting this though. Hope you do enjoy love :)) send in more requests y’all
Gif creds to @drivermisfit
-He could already sense the baby before you even knew you were pregnant
- One day, after he came back from a two-week long mission, he found you in your shared chambers
- He instantly picked up on some sort of disruption. When he concentrated on it, he realized it was another heartbeat coming from you
- Walking up to you and laying his hands on your stomach, he reached out with the force. He could feel your child
- You stood absolutely frozen, not having a single clue what was happening
- When he looked up from his hands and locked his eyes with you, you instantly knew what was going on
- His feelings would be so intensely strong, his heart so heavy with love
- Oh god he is so in love with you
- After finding out, he would be fiercely protective of you. Even more than he was before
- People that looked at you a little longer than necessary suddenly disappeared. You didn't ask questions
- Some days he was afraid. He wishes only the best for his child and for you and he is so afraid he can't live to your expectations
- You assure him though, that he is everything you could wish for and more
- He would treat you like a goddess. Making sure you feel okay and comfortable at all times
- Lots of hugs from behind, warm hands resting on your growing baby bump
- Lots of kisses there, too!!
- Lots of kisses in general though, I mean-
- When your baby is born, Kylo looks at them like they are his entire world
- You and your baby are everything Kylo could wish for and god he is so grateful for you. He will tell you that every single day
Pregnancy headcannins w/ Kylo? Thanks babe 🙏🏻🌻✨
Coming up first thing tomorrow love!
queue this post when it’s your birthday and be surprise
ITS MY BESTIES BIRTHDAY be nice and send her birthday wishes :))
Being A Girl: A Brief Personal History of Violence
1.
I am six. My babysitter’s son, who is five but a whole head taller than me, likes to show me his penis. He does it when his mother isn’t looking. One time when I tell him not to, he holds me down and puts penis on my arm. I bite his shoulder, hard. He starts crying, pulls up his pants and runs upstairs to tell his mother that I bit him. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about the penis part, so they all just think I bit him for no reason.
I get in trouble first at the babysitter’s house, then later at home.
The next time the babysitter’s son tries to show me his penis, I don’t fight back because I don’t want to get in trouble.
One day I tell the babysitter what her son does, she tells me that he’s just a little boy, he doesn’t know any better. I can tell that she’s angry at me, and I don’t know why. Later that day, when my mother comes to pick me up, the babysitter hugs me too hard and says how jealous she is because she only has sons and she wishes she had a daughter as sweet as me.
One day when we’re playing in the backyard he tells me very seriously that he might kill me one day and I believe him.
2.
I am in the second grade and our classroom has a weird open-concept thing going on, and the fourth wall is actually the hallway to the gym. All day long, we surreptitiously watch the other grades file past on the way to and from the gym. We are supposed to ignore most of them. The only class we are not supposed to ignore is Monsieur Pierre’s grade six class.
Every time Monsieur Pierre walks by, we are supposed to chorus “Bonjour, Monsieur Sexiste.” We are instructed to do this by our impossibly beautiful teacher, Madame Lemieux. She tells us that Monsieur Pierre, a dapper man with grey hair and a moustache, is sexist because he won’t let the girls in his class play hockey. She is the first person I have ever heard use the word sexist.
The word sounds very serious when she says it. She looks around the class to make sure everyone is paying attention and her voice gets intense and sort of tight.
“Girls can play hockey. Girls can do anything that boys do,” she tells us.
We don’t really believe her. For one thing, girls don’t play hockey. Everyone in the NHL – including our hero Mario Lemieux, who we sometimes whisper might be our teacher’s brother or cousin or even husband – is a boy. But we accept that maybe sixth grade girls can play hockey in gym class, so we do what she asks.
Mostly what I remember is the smile that spreads across Monsieur Pierre’s face whenever we call him a sexist. It is not the smile of someone who is ashamed; it is the smile of someone who finds us adorable in our outrage.
3.
Later that same year a man walks into Montreal’s École Polytechnique and kills fourteen women. He kills them because he hates feminists. He kills them because they are going to be engineers, because they go to school, because they take up space. He kills them because he thinks they have stolen something that is rightfully his. He kills them because they are women.
Everything about the day is grey: the sky, the rain, the street, the concrete side of the École Polytechnique, the pictures of the fourteen girls that they print in the newspaper. My mother’s face is grey. It’s winter, and the air tastes like water drunk from a tin cup.
Madame Lemieux doesn’t tell us to call Monsieur Pierre a sexist anymore. Maybe he lets the girls play hockey now. Or maybe she is afraid.
Girls can do anything that boys do but it turns out that sometimes they get killed for it.
4.
I am fourteen and my classmate’s mother is killed by her boyfriend. He stabs her to death. In the newspaper they call it a crime of passion. When she comes back to school, she doesn’t talk about it. When she does mention her mother it’s always in the present tense – “my mom says” or “my mom thinks” – as if she is still alive. She transfers schools the next year because her father lives across town in a different school district.
Passion. As if murder is the same thing as spreading rose petals on your bed or eating dinner by candlelight or kissing through the credits of a movie.
5.
Men start to say things to me on the street, sometimes loudly enough that everyone around us can hear, but not always. Sometimes they mutter quietly, so that I’m the only one who knows. So that if I react, I’ll seem like I’m blowing things out of proportion or flat-out making them up. These whispers make me feel complicit in something, although I don’t quite know what.
I feel like I deserve it. I feel like I am asking for it. I feel dirty and ashamed.
I want to stand up for myself and tell these men off, but I am afraid. I am angry that I’m such a baby about it. I feel like if I were braver, they wouldn’t be able to get away with it. Eventually I screw up enough courage and tell a man to leave me alone; I deliberately keep my voice steady and unemotional, trying to make it sound more like a command than a request. He grabs my wrist and calls me a fucking bitch.
After that I don’t talk back anymore. Instead I just smile weakly; sometimes I duck my head and whisper thank you. I quicken my steps and hurry away until one time a man yells don’t you fucking run away and starts to follow me.
After that I always try to keep my pace even, my breath slow. Like how they tell you that if you ever see a bear you shouldn’t run, you should just slowly back away until he can’t see you.
I think that these men, like dogs, can smell my fear.
6.
On my eighteenth birthday my cousin takes me out clubbing. While we’re dancing, a man comes up behind me and starts fiddling with the straps on my flouncy black dress. But he’s sort of dancing with me and this is my first time ever at a club and I want to play it cool, so I don’t say anything. Then he pulls the straps all the way down and everyone laughs as I scramble to cover my chest.
At a concert a man comes up behind me and slides his hand around me and starts playing with my nipple while he kisses my neck. By the time I’ve got enough wiggle room to turn around, he’s gone.
At my friend’s birthday party a gay man grabs my breasts and tells everyone that he’s allowed to do it because he’s not into girls. I laugh because everyone else laughs because what else are you supposed to do?
Men press up against me on the subway, on the bus, once even in a crowd at a protest. Their hands dangle casually, sometimes brushing up against my crotch or my ass. One time it’s so bad that I complain to the bus driver and he makes the man get off the bus but then he tells me that if I don’t like the attention maybe I shouldn’t wear such short skirts.
7.
I get a job as a patient-sitter, someone who sits with hospital patients who are in danger of pulling out their IVs or hurting themselves or even running away. The shifts are twelve hours and there is no real training, but the pay is good.
Lots of male patients masturbate in front of me. Some of them are obvious, which is actually kind of better because then I can call a nurse. Some of them are less obvious, and then the nurses don’t really care. When that happens, I just bury my head in a book and pretend I don’t know what they’re doing.
One time an elderly man asks me to fix his pillow and when I bend over him to do that he grabs my hand and puts it on his dick.
When I call my supervisor to complain she says that I shouldn’t be upset because he didn’t know what he was doing.
8.
A man walks into an Amish school, tells all the little girls to line up against the chalkboard, and starts shooting.
A man walks into a sorority house and starts shooting.
A man walks into a theatre because the movie was written by a feminist and starts shooting.
A man walks into Planned Parenthood and starts shooting.
A man walks into.
9.
I start writing about feminism on the internet, and within a few months I start getting angry comments from men. Not death threats, exactly, but still scary. Scary because of how huge and real their rage is. Scary because they swear they don’t hate women, they just think women like me need to be put in their place.
I get to a point where the comments – and even the occasional violent threat – become routine. I joke about them. I think of them as a strange badge of honour, like I’m in some kind of club. The club for women who get threats from men.
It’s not really funny.
10.
Someone makes a death threat against my son.
I don’t tell anyone right away because I feel like it is my fault – my fault for being too loud, too outspoken, too obviously a parent.
When I do finally start telling people, most of them are sympathetic. But a few women say stuff like “this is why I don’t share anything about my children online,” or “this is why I don’t post any pictures of my child.”
Even when a man makes a choice to threaten a small child it is still, somehow, a woman’s fault.
11.
I try not to be afraid.
I am still afraid.
- By Anne Thériault
hi would any of you care if i started writing again - for like marvel , star wars
if so, hit me up
Do you ever just look at Matt Murdock and think;
Damn,i love this man more than he’ll ever know…
Because same.
Luis de Madrazo Spanish, 1825-1897 portrait detail
i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because:
- i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live
- most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person
- im not a pissbaby
my white friends that have reblogged this give me life
4. Sometimes I am a shitty white person and the jokes remind me to FUCKIN STOP
If ur white and like this post I fux with u
^absolutely
5. It’s hard to be offended when white people jokes involve bland food/tourist dads in socks and sandals/white girls in yoga pants obsessed with pumpkin spice/suburban PTA moms and other harmless and mostly true stereotypes while jokes about POC involve them being called thugs/criminals/slurs/uneducated/illegal immigrants.
i fucks with u heavy if ur white and you reblog this
6. They’re usually really fucking funny and don’t perpetuate stereotypes that will ever affect me economically, politically, or cause me any true harm, let alone create risks that “justify” my murder and/or death
Waits for my white mutuals to reblog😌
yesyesyesyes
A Friendly Reminder
- Deadpool is insecure - Deadpool has chronic pain - Deadpool is submissive in bed - Deadpool is pansexual - Deadpool lifts up his mask so Hawkeye can read his lips - Deadpool is a blonde - Deadpool’s initials are WWW - Deadpool had an abusive father - Deadpool’s mother died from cancer - Deadpool fell in love with a teenager - Deadpool left her because he didn’t want to hurt her - Deadpool had a daughter - Deadpool didn’t believe she was his because she was too beautiful - Deadpool had to be dragged away from his daughter’s dead body by Cap and Wolverine - Deadpool carries Hello Kitty band aids - Deadpool is good with kids - Deadpool can’t be killed by Ghost Rider because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong - Deadpool hates himself - Deadpool used to curl up in a ball and mumble about his skin hurting - Deadpool is married to the queen of the undead - Deadpool reads his own comics
Conclusion: Wade Winston Wilson is a beautiful man who must be protected.
Let’s not forget: - Deadpool knows sign language - Deadpool took a bullet for Hawkeye because Clint can’t regenerate but he can - Deadpool has tried to kill himself numerous times before - Deadpool turned his back on DEATH ITSELF to help his fellow inmates escape The Farm - Deadpool spent months trying to save Cable - Deadpool was in turn saved by Cable numerous times - Seriously, freaking Jesus-messiah-complex Cable saw something in Deadpool worth saving - Deadpool is a beautiful, wonderfully complex character that I will fight to protect
- Deadpool and Cable refer to the end of their friendship as “our divorce” - Deadpool bought diapers for Hope - Deadpool has a dog - Deadpool didn’t become like his dad - Deadpool is a good person
- Deadpool spends all his money on ammo and pain meds
- Deadpool is broke 75% of the time
- Deadpool tells kids that he’s Spider-Man
- Deadpool refused to look at Spider-Man’s face when he swapped costumes with him because “bros don’t out bros” - Deadpool did work in the Spider-Man suit, but REFUSED TO KILL while wearing the Spider-Man suit because Peter wouldn’t have killed and he didn’t want Peter’s rep to be linked to murder.
Also
- Deadpool is just freaking amazing
THIS. THIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM.
*wipes tears*
me talking about the avengers:
▶ 🔘──────── 00:00:12
me talking about how much i love tony stark:
▶ 🔘──────── 236:59:25:34
Your mom admits to you that you have some… supernatural blood running through your veins. But she doesn’t remember what kind, cause she was kinda a hoe.
LMFAO
I hate in the MCU or anything when the aliens or whatever are attacking and everyone’s just ‘oh yeah we be chilling just cowering over here’ as if seventy percent of humanity isn’t really angry all the time like catch these hands motherfucker I’ve bitten people for trying to steal my chips you think you can just steal my whole fucking planet YEET HERE COME MY TEETH film people be using responses to natural disasters but I promise if human sized things came to throw down humanity would be ready to fuck them up like yeah you got laser guns I got this dope ass stick I just found let’s go you ugly fuck
silentwalrus1: #yeah bicht!!!!!!#gimme the battle of new york with fuckin chitauri comin down and the shift manager of the times sq H&M has finally had Enough#Tracie bout to kill this alien with a traffic cone#’ JUST PRETEND THEY’RE TOURISTS’ she screams choking out goddamn Lizard Lite with her lanyard#10 feet away a park slope mom is beating an alien to death with her four year old’s knockoff eco friendly razr scooter#every single retail employee gets ten years’ worth of therapy in one day#captain america’s kill count: 83 aliens#kathleen from accounting: 94 and also her boss