Drowning deliberately.

My annoying bitch sister who I never talk to is throwing a tantrum bc I sent a thank you message to my brother on our family group chat for a bday gift and didn't text her thank you for a prior gift. Turns out I sent thank you to an old number of hers and did not realize bc we literally don't talk, and YET she's cursing me out and leaving the group chat. Resents the shit out of me lmfao, that she doesn't want to see me ever.

Anyways I'm not saying shit other than a cold ass apology, bc she looks unhinged all on her own. I could chew her out, but I won't bc I dont even have to.

1st bday without my dog

*screams internally*

To be unknown and have no friends did not bother me so much when I had a dog but now the absence is so present

Context: got my dog as a gift for my 9th bday and he's the reason I've stayed alive

My dog died in my arms at 3am

Just split the pumpkin puree into baggies, about a tablespoon a dog

1 can is abut 6 weeks worth

But I dont think he'll last 6 more weeks

I have to get him more pain meds but they come in 30 and I don't even think he'll last 30 more days

My parents are forcing me to take care of my dad's mom and the vitriol I feel towards that woman....this is such a sick punishment and it's all bc im already home bc my dog is dying

Shes only here for 2 weeks but it's only the 2nd day and I need to run away

I've curated my life as a dog owner since I became obsessed with them at age 5 and then gifted my precious pup at age 9.

And now im literally not working bc I'm doing like a hospice situation for my dog and it is very consuming. He cannot stand on his own and has to be massaged every 2 hours to pee.

I've bought him new food, a humidifier, CBD oil, pain alleviating meds. I give him fluid treatments at home bc he's dehydrated bc he cannot absorb the nutrients from his food or drink. It's disturbing bc his skin is so thin and the needle has to be in just right or else the fluids drip out.

He lost a whole pound in a month. 6 pounds in under 6 months.

But he can see well, eats ravenously, and vital organs are doing well, he poops well, so the vets can't advise me to euthanize him when he still shows signs of wanting to live. So we just focus on pain management as he slowly disappears.

Find myself holding my breath as I think about how age 26 has brought me:

Mother gets cancer

Abuelito dies

My dog gets cancer

My best friend/cousin's cat gets cancer and had to be put down yesterday