don’t you ever read a piece of fanfiction so good you just

Let service industry workers say “fuck” please

I used to work at a sandwich place that also did lattes n stuff. We’d get nasty customers every once in a while, and when we did, we got to unleash Neal. Let me explain...no, it is too much, let me sum up:

The manager moved from the deep south to get this job, he’d been looking for a job in the PNW, and he somehow talked the owners into letting his platonic life mate, Neal, be the Assist Manager. So he, his wife, and his BFF forever come and take over this shop but the owners must not have actually...spoken...to Neal. He was INSANE. I mean, I never had trouble with him, but he frightened the new girls with his crazy eyes, liked knives way too much and looked like one of those tiny white guys who was spoiling for a fight and couldn’t back it up...except he could. 500 pounds of crazy in a 120 pound bag, you might say. But he was perfect, PERFECT for jerk customers who bullied new girls. Here’s an example:

So one day, I’m schlepping sandwiches, and I see the new coffee girl just...get yelled at by this big dude, who seemed way too comfortable yelling at strangers in front of other strangers in a line behind him, and maybe, if this had been somewhere else, he would have gotten away with it, because I have noticed strangers let randos yell at hapless teen college student girls who are tiny and just trying to get a buck man wow that is a whole ass THING anyway I stepped away from my sandwich, went into the back where Neal was slicing vegetables happily with a knife and tapped him in for an intervention.

My man Neal steps out from the back with knife in hand, bless. Steps up to the front and watching the chain reaction of coworkers hiding smiles, customers get big eyes, the new girl being alarmed and confused, and the big dude yelling just...not knowing what was about to happen was this...free show I just ate up om nom nom.

He does the managerial, what seems to be the problem (knife in hand), guy yells, wants his money back. Neal is all, so sorry, sure you can have money back (knife in hand slowly moving), guy yells, new girl steps back, unsure. Neal is all, but you can’t yell, sir, this a place of business, can’t we be reasonable (knife finally rest on counter, now Neal goes for his apron strings uh oh), and all the workers know this means Neal is about to be able to claim he was on break when he punched this guy.

Snacks are coming out. Tea is being drunk. Sandwiches are not being made. The whole place is bated breath on the free show. This is prime popcorn.gif territory irl.

Neal asks the dude to step outside, and the dude goes out! Big plate glass windows, everyone can see but not hear as the beast is unleashed. Neal is up in his grill, not touching, waiting just waiting for the yelling big dude to make the first point of contact. And folks, I am here to tell you that dumbass pushed Neal first and wow have you ever seen a hunting terrier just go for the ankles and take a beast down? It was like that. This guys chickened out so fast from the force of the maniac Assist Mngr ‘on his break’ and it was a beautiful thing to watch. Dude never came back, and the new girl was way more comfortable after that.

So hey. If you ever talk your way into running a shop where you know assholes are going to be mean to your workers, make sure to bring your feral best friend with the crazy eyes who likes knives way too much to defend them.

PSA

here's your friendly reminder that firefox is a nonprofit organization and they've rolled out a bunch of ACTUAL privacy features in the past year alone, including complete built-in protection from tracking

Reasons To Make An AO3 Account

I've spoken to a few friends who use AO3 exclusively as guests, and they didn't realize how useful having an AO3 account is/what they were missing out on, so here we go!

AO3 can sometimes have a long wait for acceptances, but members are given invite codes that we can send out to people to speed up the process! Ask a friend on AO3 for a code and they can probably give you one if you don't want to have to wait

Go forth and enjoy!

Also, don't forget subscriptions!

You can subscribe to a single work, a series, or even everything from an author!

Site skins are incredibly versatile. Not only can they change the appearance of AO3 when you're logged in, they can also be used to save searches, block you from seeing tags/genres/ pretty much anything.

subscriptions are life-saving. become a user today and subscribe to your favourite stories

Random worldbuilding: A culture where everyone's social status is expressed through how their hair is braided.

Children all have the same kind of a simple, unisex "child's braid" which is meant for their parents to be easy to do - traditionally boys were only taught how to do a "wife's braid" while women braid both their husbands and their children, but a modern man is naturally an attentive father and contributes to both cleaning and feeding, and clothing and braiding his children.

While this kind of knowledge is more accessible in the modern age, the art of braiding is still seen as an intimate family thing, and it's not unusual for a youth to come out to their parents by the way of braids - for example a daughter asking her father to teach her how to do the "wife's braid", or a son asking her mother how to weave the "husband braid" for their future spouse. Or a trans kid asking their parents to give them the other gender's braid when it's time to transition from the child braid into the "unmarried youth" one.

It is nonetheless still somewhat common to see an older gay man with a "wife's braid" or two older women both wearing "husband braids", because that was the only way they were taught to braid a future partner's hair when they were young. They could learn the "appropriate" braid now, but it has become a part of the culture, an old-fashioned gay thing to do. It's pride - if you wear this braid to show that you're an adult with a spouse, why try to hide who braids your hair every morning?

The only braid that one is expected to do on themselves is the widow's braid - the only one that is also unisex, braided in reverse from the simple children's braid. Sometimes, young unmarried adults who have no interest in starting a family switch directly into wearing a widow's braid to signify that they are not looking for a partner and are independent adults on their own.

You might enjoy the hobbit and LOTR fandoms, where it’s a fondly held trope; hair-braiding cultures are common tags, and there are many… Many. scenes about people explaining their Married To The Craft braids, ceremonially receiving their Gay Engagement Braids and so on. People clearly have a lot of fun with it; I wonder what wish-fulfilment it might be reflecting.

It’s based on real-world cultures who have braided hairstyles to signify things, but the LotR element also works in things beside marital status too.

we passed a sign in boring that said their sister city is dull, scotland

oh there's a third! bland, new south wales!

I'm sorry but I just have to appreciate the wordplay on that last sign. It's brilliant.

they're all gonna wake up with neck pains smh 🙄

Idk what compels me to draw them in a train, but here we are

that's how everyone chose their marriage candidate, right?

Sure sometimes a fic is out of character by canon standards but it's internally consistent and makes sense within itself and that is enough for me

This post got over 100 notes who wants to hear about the batshit insane fic that inspired it

Dark Dragon

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?

folks, don't do this one. do not look at kudos count. do not look at comment count. do not look at hits. you read the summary and see if it sounds like your cuppa. multi-chapter fics in particular suffer a lot from inflated hit counts because loyal fans will show up for every chapter, but only get one kudos apiece. literally just read the write-up and if it's bad, you'll know within a minute of clicking on it. give new works and chaptered works a shot

Summary, tags, and then whether or not the ch (or first ch if it has multiple) meets my standards. If not, I’m dipping and finding another fic.

The secret wish is to write a fanfic that someone loves so much they make fan art of it, or to create a drawing that someone creates an entire fic based off of it.

This has gotten so much attention and so many reblogs of people saying how much this happening to them would completely make their days, so I want to encourage you all:

WRITE FANART FANFIC!!

Even if it’s just a one shot!

DRAW FANFIC FANART!!!

Even if it’s just a sketch!!

We need to support each other more in that way as creators! ❤️ Bring joy to one another!!

I wrote a whole ass novel length fanfic based on some fanart. Then got fanart made in return??? One person MADE A CROSSSTITCH AND MAILED IT TO ME. MY FUCKING HEART.

This sounds like a dream omg!!!

I think I’m going to think about this youtube comment forever

Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit

I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.

"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."

Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.

The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."

Elf Fentanyl works exactly the way cops think human fentanyl does

✦ "Let the mighty be humbled" 🌊 💧

(lost all 50/50 twice to get him to C2 fml)