Feel like people are about equally likely to use “cold take” (or occasionally “ice cold take”) to mean “bad take” or “reasonable and measured take”

well since the hot take originated as the ‘maximally controversial opinion designed farm both hate-clicks and rah-rah-clicks’ -- there is a logic to it. the cold take is the minimally polarizing opinion-- one that gets most people on the same side.

the three genres of cold take are “everyone says yay” “everyone says boo” and “everyone shrugs”

imagine if stem cells were like midichlorians but for being good at STEM research

Baby Geniuses (1999)

so The Lion King is based on Hamlet and has animals replicating dynamics of European monarchy and at the beginning of the movie we see Rafiki acting in some sort of official capacity at Simba’s birth

is Rafiki like... the pope??? is he the head of the savannah state religion? does the animal pope get legal protection from being eaten by the king? do herbivores who get cushy government jobs all get royal pardon from predation? are they class traitors? is Rafiki’s baboon church responsible for recognizing and upholding the divine right of kings and pushing circle of life propaganda to ensure that herbivores accept their lot in life and see it as an honor to be consumed by the aristocracy?

Rafiki’s not the pope you fool, he’s the Archbishop of Canterbury, head of the Lion Church of England which split from the Lion Catholics in the Lion Reformation in a dispute over the divinity of Aslan

why is it always when someone wants to deconstruct superheroes as a genre they don’t mean the having superpowers, they mean the concept of altruism and kindness and helping other people because it’s the right thing to do.

Mystery Men squared this circle by having a team of goodheared amateur heroes square off against a singular corrupt pro hero

mad props to the Hu and similar bands but every time they sing about reawakening the spirits of their ancestors and following the ancient traditions I can’t help thinking dudes your ancestors were genocidal maniacs and their tradition was slaughtering their way across Asia leaving a body count rivalled only by the black death, could you not.

much like the Vikings, “we were parasites on civilised people” isn’t the proud boast that they seem to think it is.

Much like Aztec human sacrifice, proud warrior cultures are cool, but unethical.

the ultimate manifestation of charisma takes the form of “do everything a villain does, except the actual evil”

I like Hamilton because I like musical theater and it's a well-put-together show. That's it. I'm not interested in making sure every piece of art I enjoy broadcasts or reinforces my political beliefs. That's both an untenable way to live and *so goddamn tiresome, Jesus Christ, don't you guys ever enjoy anything*

"it reinforces great man theory which is problematic because" have you ever heard of historical fiction or narrative devices

well that’s the issue right there. for these types, If historical fiction and narrative devices don’t serve ＬＡ   ＲＥＳＩＳＴＡＮＣＥ, then they gotta go. 

Guess I should follow up on the orc thing because that got all popular and shit.

Lots of fantasy genres tell stories on a national or larger scale, involve war and battle, and like having heroes show off their skills. Structurally, I think this lends itself to ‘armies filled with evil monsters that the heroes can mow down and not feel too guilty about.’ (There’s usually some guilt in modern stories, as a figleaf, but usually not as much as the killing of thousands of sentient beings would imply.)

It’s both true that A) This doesn’t have to be the case, and B) if you want to read/write epic fantasy but also cordon yourself off from the Horde of Savage Monsters trope for moral reasons, you are objectively going to limit your options.

While I’m not much into gaming, I get the impression that’s how indie games with weird interfaces and fourth-wall-breaking plots that intentionally screw with the player’s head went from a revelation to a cliche within a few years. Similarly I hear a lot about fantasy in which “nothing happens, but at least it’s brown and queer people it’s not happening to” (which is not something I’d like to read or write, but I hear it wins awards). People are trying to create vegan, all-organic, cruelty-free fantasy and realizing that it limits their options relative to people who are fine with pizza and Coke. Both groups of revolutionaries eventually run into the boundaries inherent to their artistic decisions.

There’s nothing wrong with living a certain lifestyle for moral reasons. There is something wrong with trying to make everyone else live like you.

Especially because I think the critics are getting the motivations of Savage Monster fantasy wrong. It’s part of the whole widening circles of concern thing! We went from stories about slaughtering the next tribe over to the next town to the next country (imagine making a WWII movie where the American soldiers treated the Axis soldiers like Gimli and Legolas treated the orcs!) to slaughtering a different species that doesn’t even exist.

The attraction is being in awe of the courage and excellence of the heroes, not cheering on the slaughter per se. The critics seem to think the motivation for writing and reading these stories is the Savage Monsters themselves, rooting against them instead of for the heroes, and filling in your minority human group of choice because you’re just a hateful bastard like that.

And more than the “Oh-ho, I think YOU’RE the racist here!” responses, I think that’s where the disconnect is. They think it can’t be that people just want to hear a good story instead of turning everything into a deconstructive literary seminar. The general idea that “everything is Culture War, there are Good and Evil sides, and if you disagree with either of those you’re on Team Evil” is far more insulting and revolting to me than arguing about which monster stands in for which group of people.

(I may be the Weird One here in that I’m pretty much willing to roll with whatever a story tells me about who’s good and who’s bad, because I don’t think sussing it out is really a good use of my time. When I told a creative writing class that I couldn’t remember any villains in media that I rooted for more than the heroes, they sure looked at me funny.)

There was a post on SSCreddit’s culture war thread (either the old or new one, I forget) that would be mocked for its simplicity if it ever saw the light of day that went like “Sometimes people just want to read a book or play a game that’s about killing the fuck out of bad guys and no social shaming is going to stop that.” And basically, yeah.

There doesn’t need to be a dichotomy between trench warfare and queer cuddles. This supposedly insurmountable structual problem with the fantasy genre has already been solved by of all things fucking shonen anime: 

war hero minus war equals duelist.

Don’t want your heroes testing their mettle by mowing down endless hordes of enemy conscript soldiers? Have them testing their mettle against a dozen hand-picked enemy super-soldiers.

Nobody’s ever going to call you ‘racist against stand users’.

It really does feel like Hollywood (especially Disney) these days is in a standoff with American audiences. Or like they’re playing Russian Roulette and forcing us to watch.

“7 new Star Wars movies! Live-Action Disney Remakes! MCU Sequels planned 20 years in advance! Like that hip new director or young actor? Fuck you, he belongs to us now. Are you fucking tired yet? Are you? ‘Cause there’s more where that came from, bucko.”

“Please, I’m begging you, just have a new idea. Stop ransacking the graveyard with CGI. Stop weaponizing nostalgia.”

“Bitch, I’ll make a Furby movie for $200 million dollars. I’ll fucking do it. I’m fucking loco right now. Don’t touch me. (spins chamber) We optioned this Steven Universe fanfiction for $20 million and the collective salary for the cast is gonna be nine fucking digits. I am a golden god, I will never die. (does line of coke)”

Like, is anyone really excited for the next truckload of blockbusters? It feels like Endless Pasta at Olive Garden when your parents take you there. It might feel good on a scratch-an-itch kind of level, but you’re not excited about it.

What NBA team are you closest to?

Political map of North America circa 2347

Most Dangerous Predators By Location

these are the names of the american Bazaar Masters