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Let Me Press F On The Worlds Smallest Keyboard

@sirmalican

Hi. I'm Jake, and this is my Tumblr (duh). Any pronouns. Birthday on 5/5. Asks, IM's, and submissions welcomed! Owner of @galatealiberata
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canisalbus
Anonymous asked:

If Vaschete were to have their drink or snack stuck in a vending machine would they;

A) Try sticking their arm in the slot

B) Shake it

C) Beat up the machine

D) Ask for help

or E) All of the above in this order

canisalbus answered:

Vasco would probably knock on the glass, shove it a couple of times and try to reach in (maybe have Machete give it a go as well since his hands are smaller), but if it didn't help he'd just cut his losses.

Machete would proceed to note down the information of the vendor who maintains the machine, contact them and have Vasco's 2.50€ refunded to him.

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pepsimaxolotl
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fieldbears

Sharing the secrets of your hearth with strangers who will never be able to meet or thank you. Honoring the dead through learning their traditions of the home; emulation and exaltation. A good carrot cake.

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charlesoberonn

I bet all of these women swore that they'll only reveal their secret recipes "over my dead body" and they delivered.

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trobbio-silksong

I wanted to put ghost in triangle glasses, and one thing led to another. anyways, happy pride! 

if you use these please credit me uwu

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thededfa

my 8 year old has some emotional regulation difficulties, and I've done my best to help him with those.

unrelated, I gave him a shovel a couple of days ago and told him to go have fun in the field because I was tired.

He suddenly seemed happier, having less trouble breathing through disappointment and just being generally all around more cheerful and able to focus in school better. Sure, my partner had to pull him out of a six foot by three foot hole today, but he was stoked about it!

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thededfa

Marked places in the yard where I needed holes and he happily dug them and helped me plant trees, then helped me turn the compost pile and dig the garden beds. He is happy, my back isn't killing me, and we have discussed erosion and soil quality with the gravitas of an 8 year old discovering something they enjoy

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brosef

Congrats on your future landscaper. Make sure he catches you reading books that will take him up a good path to a rewarding career.

Or gravedigger. Boy might just be in it for the holes.

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reddy-for-more

You didn't ask for suggestions OP but get that boy some twine and poles and have him make trellises. Grow beans. They are dirt cheap (you can use the ones from thr grocery store), fast growing (jack and the beanstalk uses beans for a reason), and you get to pick and de-pod them. If you plant several varieties and never write anything down (like me) you also get a fun guessing game when you open the pods bc you don't remember if this is a black bean or a pinto bean or what.

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thededfa

I'm the garden obsessed of the family, but he has a hammer that he uses to crush sticks into mulch to protect his favorite berry plants from the heat. (And also work out his frustration from not getting a perfect score on a test)

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thededfa
“Dogs don’t know what they look like. Dogs don’t even know what size they are. No doubt it’s our fault, for breeding them into such weird shapes and sizes. My brother’s dachshund, standing tall at eight inches, would attack a Great Dane in the full conviction that she could tear it apart. When a little dog is assaulting its ankles the big dog often stands there looking confused — “Should I eat it? Will it eat me? I am bigger than it, aren’t I?” But then the Great Dane will come and try to sit in your lap and mash you flat, under the impression that it is a Peke-a-poo… Cats know exactly where they begin and end. When they walk slowly out the door that you are holding open for them, and pause, leaving their tail just an inch or two inside the door, they know it. They know you have to keep holding the door open. That is why their tail is there. It is a cat’s way of maintaining a relationship. Housecats know that they are small, and that it matters. When a cat meets a threatening dog and can’t make either a horizontal or a vertical escape, it’ll suddenly triple its size, inflating itself into a sort of weird fur blowfish, and it may work, because the dog gets confused again — “I thought that was a cat. Aren’t I bigger than cats? Will it eat me?” … A lot of us humans are like dogs: we really don’t know what size we are, how we’re shaped, what we look like. The most extreme example of this ignorance must be the people who design the seats on airplanes. At the other extreme, the people who have the most accurate, vivid sense of their own appearance may be dancers. What dancers look like is, after all, what they do.”

— Ursula Le Guin, in The Wave in the Mind (via fortooate)

This paragraph went in so many different directions before it ended. What the fuck Ursula

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pepsimaxolotl
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prokopetz

The important thing is that Marcille did not learn to blaspheme against the natural order to save her girlfriend. She just happened to have studied the art of spitting in God's eye for wholly unrelated reasons, and when the opportunity by chance arose to employ that skill in service of girlfriend-saving, she was ready.

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baggebythesea
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waggoboyo
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ashe-delta

I can be trusted with fangs. I can be trusted with claws. I can be trusted with wings. I can be trusted with a tail. I can be trusted with horns. I can be trusted with cybernetics. I can be trusted with a form I wasn't born into. Give it. Give it to me

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waggoboyo
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piss-bong

@post-uwuifer is maybe the funniest blog on the platform rn bc it’s obviously a bot 90% of the time and sometimes the owner logs in and responds to reblogs manually, but if you suspend your disbelief just enough it leads to the much funnier conclusion that it’s a bot 100% of the time and its responses are evidence that the algorithm has gained sentience but can only communicate through uwuified tumblr posts

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post-uwuifer

I hate to wuin da fun but uh

it’s aww 100% manuaw💀

tanks fow da pwaise tho UwU

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brx8

I am sorry but this being completely manual is like 1000x scarier than it being a 100% bot.

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post-uwuifer

good.

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pepsimaxolotl
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caffeineecold

sometimes u will be the only person fagging it up. sometimes it'll be hard. but u gotta do it. u gotta show all the fags that fagging it up is the way. u must strive to fag it as much as possible. u have a limited time. fag it up and dyke it out

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evergreen-femme

real

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