Hi, op here, some stuff happened recently.

One, I don't think I was TA, personally. Seems most of you don't think that either. I do feel bad, now, for not handling it better, though.

I texted K again later and said I was sorry for telling her that in front of everybody and then storming out. I probably should have just put my foot down harder on my refusal and told her privately how much it upset me. I also told her, like how most of y'all told me, that her whole men suck routine was really invalidating as a trans man, and that either she Included me in all men or didn't, a real damned if you do damned if you don't sort of situation.

She thanked me for apologizing and apologized herself for the men comment. She said she honestly wasn't thinking about it when she said it but she'd try to be more sensitive. She also said she'd found out that her most recent boyfriend was married with kids sooo. She was kinda down in the dumps about men and dating and whatnot.

As for bigger updates... L broke it off with her fiance after our brunch!! She realized he wasn't doing anything and just absolutely oozing weaponized incompetence. So after a big blowout where she said either grow up or I'm gone, he chose to stay a giant man baby. You know, I never liked him much. She's angry and heartbroken, but she's like, gorgeous, smart, and insanely sweet. She'll realize that he was an absolute nothingburger of a man soon and move on easily.

Anyway, seems like a lot of y'all have nice things to say about my husband, so I'm gonna tell you what happened when I came out to him because I'll tell as many people who will listen how perfect he is.

So for the past two years before I came out, almost our whole married life, we had been having difficulty. I'd realized I was a man shortly before he proposed to me, and I thought I would just bottle it up and keep it down for the rest of my life. Turns out that's hard.

Like I said, difficulty. We were rarely affectionate with one another, almost never made love, and when we did, it was so unenjoyable that usually I pretended to finish and he said he was fine without finishing. It wasn't healthy for either of us. I kept feeling like I was dragging him down with how mopey I was around him, so around 5 years ago I decided to just bite the bullet and come out. I had already been visiting with a gender therapist behind his back and had the go ahead from both them and my endocrinologist to start T. I felt very guilty about that at the time, doing it behind his back.

I took him into the bedroom to talk and ended up just sobbing into his shirt for 30 minutes before timidly muttering "baby, I think I'm a man. I wanna be a man."

He laughed so loudly it made me jump and then cried out "thank GOD" as he hugged me. He told me that he was a second away from coming out himself and that he thought he'd have to divorce me. He was so relieved, I don't think I've ever seen him that happy. He promised to be with me every step of the way, and he was.

He was there to kiss me when I changed my name. He held my hand as I got my first T shot. He was the first thing I saw when I woke up from both top surgery and my sterilization procedure. He bitched at the social security office because it was all bullshit, he got in long, annoying phone calls with the bank. He renewed his vows with me last year in front of all our friends and family. He's the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night. I would do anything for him. I love him so much.

Sorry, I know I'm gushing, this isn't what the blog's for, but I just... need you all to understand that when K asked me to shittalk my husband, how impossible that felt. How cruel it felt. And I also want any other trans folks reading this to know that you can find your person, you don't have to give up on love. Someone out there is gonna love you, they're gonna think you're so fucking hot, they're gonna bend over backwards to make you happy. And you deserve it, too.

Sorry about the rambling. Hope all yall have a good day.

library

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

To add to this as a middle aged freak: being a middle aged freak is AWESOME. I cannot overstate how much fun it is to go out visibly freakish, have enough life experience to not worry about it, and get heaps of compliments from everyone but ESPECIALLY the other freaks.

You're going to make it and it will be GREAT.

does this in front of you

TOD I grew up in middle school looking at her paintings.

As a fat person, one thing that would be awesome is if thin people could just get over it. People are fat sometimes. It's fine. Chill. We're not a problem you need to solve, we're just a bunch of people who deserve social equality.

I'm not saying you should be all "I don't see size", just that I'm tired of being met with some form of "but I can't just let you be this way". Yes, you can! I can be fat all day and you can just not worry about it! Look at us go!

Artists, let’s talk about Instagram commission scammers

There’s been a huge rise in commission scammers recently, mostly on Instagram. A lot of new artists don’t know what to look out for, so I figured this might help people.

How they begin

Usually the scammer will write to you asking about a commission. Something deceptively cute - mostly I encounter asks about pet portraits, with one or two photos sent. They’ll probably try to sell you a sweet little story, like “It’s for my son’s birthday”. They will insist that they love your artwork and style, even though they don’t follow you or never liked a single piece of your art.

What to look out for:

Where the scam actually happens

If you agree, they will ask you for a payment method. They’ll try to get to this part as soon as possible. 

Usually, they’ll insist on PayPal. And not just any PayPal. They’ll always insist on sending you a transfer immediately. None of that PayPal Invoice stuff (although some do have methods for that, too). They’ll really, REALLY want to get your PayPal email address and name for the transfer - that’s what they’re after. If you insist on any other method, they’ll just circle back to the transfer “for easiest method”. If you do provide them with the info, most likely you’ll soon get a scam email. It most likely be a message with a link that will ultimately lead to bleeding you dry. Never, and I mean NEVER click on any emails or links you get from them. It’s like with any other scam emails you can ever get.

A few things can happen here:

Never, EVER wire money to anyone. This is not how it’s supposed to go. Use PayPal Invoice for secure exchanges where the client needs to provide you with their email, not the other way around.

You can find more info on that method HERE.

What to do when you encounter a scammer:

Here is a very standard example of such an exchange. I realized it’s a scam pretty fast and went along with it, because I wanted good screenshots for you guys, so I tried going very “by the book” with it. 

Please share this post, make it reach as many artists as possible. Let young or inexperienced artists know that this is going on. So many people have no idea that this is a thing. Let’s help each other out. If you think I missed any relevant info, do add it as an rb!

Also, if you know other scam methods that you think should be shared, consider rb-ing this post with them below. Having a master post of scam protection would AWESOME to have in the art community.

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

sorry i said something dickish. a few mildly frustrating things happened to me in succession and it turned me evil

there are way too many silver laptops where the hell are the pink ones and purple ones and green ones. come on

You guys really liked my last poll so

OKAY SO UNFORTUNATELY, PV TOOK OVER MY BRAIN

i am going insane

cleaning

Way too funny not to share

Can someone tell me where these feminine trans guys with massive tits who wear push-up bras and skimpy outfits that I keep seeing transphobes complain about are? I’d love to see massive tboy boobs.

Please can transphobes stop gatekeeping the tboys with massive breasts who wear glam makeup . Plsss tell me where you met these people . They sound awesome .

i think it is important to recognize the ways in which your favorite thing sucks. i think it keeps u normal