kuya's bakeshop

it always always makes me laugh to swap definite and indefinite articles

Ugh it's so hot today, I'm sweating like the pig

W-woah there! You scared a bejesus out of me!

obsessed with this

seduces u with evil tricks like caring about u and wanting to hear about ur day

a couple weeks ago, someone called and left a message on my team's phone at work. this was a phone number that he should not have been able to find and which isn't actually manned. we are an IT team and have the number to keep our team zoom account. so no one picks it up, but every time someone leaves a message, everyone on the team gets an email with the transposed text.

this man left a 7 minute long message with my tech team about how he wanted a job in our sales department.

in it, he called himself a savage no less than 12 times. he spent most of the 7 minutes talking about how well he closes deals and sells. he left this message over the weekend. in it, he said the words "i'm a beast, i'm a killer" multiple times, which i now can't seem to get out of my vocabulary. i say it literally every day and i can't explain it because it's like a personal meme.

my team actually found this message so fucking funny that we immediately found the sales team recruiter and got him over there. we all dearly hope that he gets hired so we can meet him. he's like a celebrity to us. he's a beast. a killer even.

Does ADHD ever feel to you like a semi-physical sensation. I legit like. When I'm trying to get work done and my attention span is it's limit and I just CAN NOT do work anymore I feel a sort of tension within my body. idk. some sort of inner vibration. Not like, just tapping your foot or shaking your leg but something deeper than that. Anyways I need to write an essay but I CANNOT focus, my body is screaming at me to do something else, I need to go eat lunch

omg yes it's this exactly, perfect description. Like I'm pressing down on the gas but the car is not in gear so it's just going "VVVRRRRRR"

Honestly, I wouldn't be shocked if part of that feeling (and oh yes, I KNOW that feeling) really *is* physical- a big part of ADHD is dopamine dysregulation. If we're low on dopamine, our body really REALLY needs more- its a mood stabilizer, it's a neurotransmitter that helps different regions if the brain communicate, it even is involved in the motor control pathways. It does *so many things* in the body beyond just "feels good" - it's the oil in the machine that keeps a lot of body systems moving smoothly.

If you're low on dopamine and the task ahead of you isn't a likely source of getting more (because our dopamine release systems are a fucking skinner box half the time with adhd)- like, if you told that had a real noticeable affect on the body beyond just your mood? Yeah, that makes sense.

My butch and I are both lesbians. We are, neither of us, men.

But I call him my boyfriend. I call him my boytoy, my boy, sir, Mr., guy. Cause this language makes him happy. It supports his gender and expression, and it makes him happy.

Butches of all flavors and types have been using he/him pronouns and masculine language forever. Butches have been called boy, guy, boyfriend. Butches have used "traditionally masculine" names like Mitch, Ed, Mac, Joe.

Cause guess what?

Language is fake! It's all made up! If it makes you happy, use it! Wanna call yourself "boy," even if you're not a man? Do it! Wanna be called "boyfriend," even if you're not a guy? Go for it!

official anti terf post

i don’t think mordecai and rigby were ever gay for each other but i do think many times rigby would be like dude if i was a girl would you want to fuck me and mordecai is like dude that’s weird. no. and rigby is all bent out of shape about it and in the middle of the night when they’re both trying to sleep he’s like why wouldn’t you fuck me if i was a girl. i’m cute right? or am i ugly and that’s why i’m single… and mordecai is like fine whatever i’d fuck girl you. stop bringing it up now. & the next day rigby is like fuck off muscle man i’m not ugly mordecai said he’d fuck girl me & then a portal opens to an alternate dimension where they’re genderbent like that adventure time episode and the voice of god is like mordecai you must make good on your word. fuck girl rigby.

Found another idiotic accounting mistake from my predecessor that I have to fix and I was like "WILL THE SPECTER OF THAT MAN'S INCOMPETENCE EVER CEASE TO HAUNT ME" and my coworker was like "Why do you talk like that"

Goddamn. Okay

Did you have a kid in your neighborhood who always hid so good, nobody could find him? We did. After a while we would give up on him and go off, leaving him to rot wherever he was. Sooner or later he would show up, all mad because we didn't keep looking for him. And we would get mad back because he wasn't playing the game the way it was supposed to be played.

There's hiding and there's finding, we'd say. And he'd say it was hide-and-seek, not hide-and-give-UP, and we'd all yell about who made the rules and who cared about who, anyway, and how we wouldn't play with him anymore if he didn't get it straight and who needed him anyhow, and things like that. Hide-and-seek-and-yell. No matter what, though, the next time he would hide too good again. He's probably still hidden somewhere, for all I know.

As I write this, the neighborhood game goes on, and there is a kid under a pile of leaves in the yard just under my window. He has been there a long time now, and everybody else is found and they are about to give up on him over at the base. I considered going out to the base and telling them where he is hiding. And I thought about setting the leaves on fire to drive him out. Finally, I just yelled, "GET FOUND, KID!" out the window. And scared him so bad he probably wet his pants and started crying and ran home to tell his mother. It's real hard to know how to be helpful sometimes.

A man I know found out last year he had terminal cancer. He was a doctor. And knew about dying, and he didn't want to make his family and friends suffer through that with him. So he kept his secret. And died. Everybody said how brave he was to bear his suffering in silence and not tell everybody, and so on and so forth. But privately his family and friends said how angry they were that he didn't need them, didn't trust their strength. And it hurt that he didn't say good-bye.

He hid too well. Getting found would have kept him in the game. Hide-and-seek, grown-up style. Wanting to hide. Needing to be sought. Confused about being found. "I don't want anyone to know." "What will people think?" "I don't want to bother anyone."

Better than hide-and-seek, I like the game called Sardines. In Sardines the person who is It goes and hides, and everybody goes looking for him. When you find him, you get in with him and hide there with him. Pretty soon everybody is hiding together, all stacked in a small space like puppies in a pile. And pretty soon somebody giggles and somebody laughs and everybody gets found.

Medieval theologians even described God in hide-and-seek terms, calling him Deus Absconditus. But me, I think old God is a Sardine player. And will be found the same way everybody gets found in Sardines - by the sound of laughter of those heaped together at the end.

"Olly-olly-oxen-free." The kids out in the street are hollering the cry that says "Come on in, wherever you are. It's a new game." And so say I. To all those who have hid too good. Get found, kid! Olly-olly-oxen-free.

— Robert Fulghum, "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten"

In the future, children will think our ways are strange. "Why do old people always grow so much milkweed in their gardens?" they'll say. "Why do old people always write down when the first bees and butterflies show up? Why do old people hate lawn grass so much? Why do old people like to sit outside and watch bees?"

We will try to explain to them that when we were young, most people's yards were almost entirely short grass with barely any flowers at all, and it was so commonplace to spray poisons to kill insects and weeds that it was feared monarch butterflies and American bumblebees would soon go extinct. We will show them pictures of sidewalks, shops, and houses surrounded by empty grass without any flowers or vegetables and they will stare at them like we stared at pictures of grimy children working in coal mines

We will be feeding our grandchildren strawberries and raspberries we grew in our gardens, dragging them along to the farmers' markets for tomatoes and eggs and goats milk and pickles and pecans and salsa and sunflower seed butter and jars of honey, as they complain and drag their feet because Gramma always stands around talking to people for like an HOUR

and we will say "When I was YOUR age, fruits and vegetables came from a supermarket and they were bred to get shipped 1000 miles in a truck and sit on shelves for weeks, and they tasted so sour and watery it was like eating paper compared to these ones. It wasn't even legal in some places to grow your own food"

and they will roll their eyes like yeah yeah just because everything was miserable in the 20s doesn't mean I have to have a smile on my face standing in the hot sun while you listen to that one guy talk about his bees FOREVER

But they will go, because there might be baby goats.

Since I made this post, dozens and dozens of people have left tags telling me that it was the first thing today that made them want to continue living, that it was the first thing that made them consider that they might be okay years in the future, that they might grow old, that it was the first and only post of its kind they'd ever seen—the first post that boldly predicts a future where we make it.

And many other people have been just spitting, foaming at the mouth fucking FURIOUS. How dare I have the audacity to imagine a future where things get better?

Don't I know how BAD things are? Am I not aware of the TERROR and DEVASTATION of climate change and fascism and biodiversity loss? How dare someone be so bold, so callous, as to imagine something other than misery and suicide. How dare someone suggest it will get better. How dare a person propose that there is a future where we will be okay, in the face of so much terror. Hasn't she seen the abyss opening its jaws before us?

Well? What do you think?

Do you think I've seen the abyss?

I’ve been digitizing old home videos and there’s something about noticing an item in those videos I still use today, and realizing just how long my family has had it.

The pet hair brush on the floor next to my mom, who’s pregnant with me, after having just used it the other day to brush our cats.

The old boots my mom is wearing, and knowing that I used them 14 years later for a cosplay.

The coasters I’m playing with as a not-quite-one-year-old, and knowing I brought one from the very same set to my college apartment, there on my desk under my cup of water.

The cork board hanging in my older brother’s bedroom when he was two, and turning around to see it leaned up against the wall in my bedroom.

there’s a certain kind of… indescribable reverence for the mundane. The Constants. it makes me wonder what things will stick around for another 25 years.

So I have this person. We never spoke. We don't know eachother.

But any day I play Elden Ring in the evening, it doesn't matter if I'm dueling or cooping or invading, I have like a 20% chance of stumbling into him.

When I'm dueling it's ALWAYS very close. I think I'm slightly better but sometimes he wins.

When I'm cooping and he invades, he makes all the smart plays. Which is mostly "don't fight huggingtentacles kill the host as fast as possible". You know. It's a smart play.

And when I'm invading it's always a breeze to co-invade with him. He never hits me unnecessarily. He always pays attention when I'm in trouble. He takes aggro really well and most importantly he knows that when fighting 2v2 you have to be sandwiching the host and the phantom and not be on the same side. Good co-invader.

We have a bit of a rivalry going on? Whenever we fight eachother it's always the most tryhard shit that you'll ever see. The kind of shit that makes Redditors disconnect in tears. All is fair game when we fight because god damn I if one of us loses the winner gets to do the "Bravo" gesture which might be genuine expression of being impressed but it's probably sarcastic.

It's always very hype to see him. I get very fired up. No matter how shitty my day is he always lights me up and forces me to play full force.

I hope he's doing alright.