Postscript to a Burst Appendix

FAT DUDES

= HOT

imagine being someone at new rome university and not knowing percy is the same guy as “percy jackson, son of poseidon, two-time hero of olympus, former praetor” because the thought doesn’t even cross your mind. like… he’s percy. he’s a total frat boy. on a normal night, he walks into a party, refers to everyone as bro or dude, socializes with every living (and not-living) person in the room, makes at least 50 sarcastic comments, plays 12 rounds of beer pong, drinks way too much, and then skates around campus on his skateboard yelling “I LOVE NEW YORK” (which makes no sense, because they’re in california) until someone calls his girlfriend to come get him.

and then one day there’s an attack, and frat boy percy is all of a sudden a fighting machine. he’s yelling battle cries alongside the praetors frank zhang and hazel levesque as they lead everyone into battle. (why is he with the praetors? and why…. why in the world do the praetors seem to be following his lead?) his sword slashes through armies of monsters faster than you’ve ever seen. he’s controlling the entire river surrounding the camp, creating huge waves as tall as skyscrapers that crash down all around him, wiping out monsters and causing mass destruction to his enemies’ ranks. the sky is suddenly dark above you, ice-cold water droplets are slashing through the air, and the wind is blowing so aggressively that it’s making it hard to stand up steadily. because he’s somehow created a hurricane.

and he looks terrifying. you can feel the power radiating off of him. he’s like a god. or maybe a monster. it’s hard to tell. you’re a little scared of him, to be honest. but also in total awe, because it’s extraordinary. he’s extraordinary.

frat boy percy is not who you thought he was.

It’s either be yourself or pee yourself dude

it’s really not

So Sally Jackson dropped a match in a milkshake and immediately Poseidon showed up

Which means that her milkshake did in fact bring all the boys to the yard

Five beers deep watching dogman sighting videos with the homie and his eyes start seeming pretty like a girls and his smile is like no other

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

She let me hit it because I solved her riddles three

what if you got a balls infection and it made your cum creepy colored

what if we didn’t post every thought we have

what if we held hands 🤝 peace, sister

in junior year of highschool my art teacher would let our ceramics class play music of our choice off of her desktop. we usually used spotify or youtube but she did have one album downloaded on her computer. it was a halloween sound effects/ambience collection. i dont remember why she had it. there was a track on there called "burning screams" which was exactly what it sounds like. just a cacophony of screams alongside crackling fire. she only let us play it on very special occasions, and we would cheer and jump with joy every time. it was like a pizza party to us

life is good

op turned off reblogs but i want this post on my blog

I know basically nothing about tarot cards but I absolutely need to make this a reality

just saw a chart with the gender options "male" "female" and "part-time/other" and i think i get what they were going for but i'm obsessed with the concept of part-time gender. clocking into my shift at the gender factory and brother i am not getting paid a living wage

since the gun emoji was taken from us i’ve just been building my own contraptions

🔩🪠🪔    🧰 it might not look like it but i just got your ass with a thingamajig

I think the silliness is spreading to my lungs

imagine being a kid in jackson. this freakishly haunted looking girl your age shows up she is about as approachable as a grenade and every attempt at friendship or kindness is met with feral cat levels of hissing and spitting. the only person she likes is a deranged old man who looks like a microwaved corpse, is apparently surgically attached to her at the hip, and follows her around like the human embodiment of a loaded gun