unnecessary to read
i haven’t been on tumblr in supposedly 5 months but it feels so much longer. i made this blog during my sophomore year of high school and now i’m a senior. i’m graduating in 2 months and i’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. i always go back to my freshman and sophomore years and think about how different i was. i was quiet, nervous around everyone, and judgmental. i know there was a very distinct turning point where i matured but i couldn’t quite figure out that moment until now. i knew it was some time between sophomore and junior year, but i’ve finally realized when that turning point was.
the turning point was the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school. prior to junior year, i was friends with a very “strict” friend group. we all shared the same opinions (by choice; we literally chose to agree with each other) and i was very closed off to meeting others. if they were labeled weird by my friends, they were weird to me and i would trash talk them for it. thankfully, no one found out what i was saying about some girls because it was some really mean stuff.
going into junior year, things felt different; i felt disconnected from my friends. about 2 months in, they started ignoring me. apparently, they didn’t wanna be friends with me anymore and they all just decided that they would exile me together. thankfully, my best friend (at the time) welcomed me into her small friend group. these girls were so open minded and just fun to be around. they had very little drama and rarely talked badly about people. they were so nice to me. unfortunately, my best friend (at the time) had a fight with another girl in the group, so the best friend ended up leaving. me and this girl ended our friendship because she accused me of not being a real friend for not standing up for her against the other girl (who was also my friend). turns out, my ex-best friend is psychotic and has done very mean things to me since. anyway, me and the OTHER girl are best friends now (like REAL best friends) and i love her to death.
okay, so where’s the turning point and how did it happen? the turning point happened when i got deeper into the fandom in the summer before my junior year and i met lots of people on tumblr. a lot of the people i met were so nice and open-minded and i realized that i really am an open-minded person. i learned that you can’t/shouldn’t close yourself off to people unless they deserve to be closed off. i no longer hate people for no reason. although i may not appreciation their company, i will always give them a chance until they ruin it for themselves. through tumblr and the janoskians, ive learned that people come in all different forms. both helped me grow as a person and develop into the adult (sometimes lol) i am today. im currently 18 and going off to college in 4 months. scary, but im ready. i will forever be grateful for few years i spent obsessing over 5 randos from melbourne, despite how embarrassing it may be.
i spent endless nights working on editing my theme, playing with other people’s themes giving them a “blog makeover”, trying to learn photoshop so i could make cool edits and get notes, making friends, answering asks (rarely), speed-reblogging, dancing at 3am while spamming the boys, watching and re-watching their videos, and loving every second of it. i feel like ive cleaned out the negative parts of me and replaced it with happiness. thank you for all you’ve done for me, and i am eternally grateful.
if you read the whole thing, like this post, but i dont think anyone will. i mostly wrote this for myself because i needed to get it out.
