Effy's (un)Closet(ed)

I think Tumblr minimalism is a really good name for this style! It definitely reminds me of that 2015 era. If you're on a budget, I would maybe try to look for the actual 2015 American Apparel pieces on resale sites like Depop, Poshmark, and even eBay. They'll be less expensive than buying clothes new and they'll be exactly what you're looking for. Randomly, Aritzia also has some pieces that remind me of this style- for example, this skirt and this skirt, this top, and this top. I think Amazon would be fine for this kind of thing, too.

It seems like the staples are pleated skirts in white, black, or grey, skinny black pants (it looks like maybe with some stretch in them?), and fitted black or white cropped tops. Checkers and plaid seem to be the only patterns that are in these photos, so those might be words to search for as well.

I think the word "disgusted" is doing a lot of work here. To me, "disgusted" suggests a feeling of like, revulsion at something that's offensive. We're disgusted by things like blatant acts of discrimination, or maggots, or someone eating out of a dog bowl. I think if you have that level of reaction to plus size people, where there's a physical reaction, then there is probably some level of fatphobia going on. I think it's another thing to feel like, "I feel uncomfortable with my current weight" or "I don't like how I felt when I was bigger than I am now." To me, those kind of thoughts don't suggest that the person sees other people as gross or less-than or has internalized fatphobia, but just that they know what feels right for their own body.

Yes! Absolutely.

No worries! You can find them here and here. If you scroll back far enough, the original posts do also come up in the search bar, but you do kind of have to hunt for them because Tumblr search is definitely not perfect.

That's an interesting question. I think maybe she's not really inspired by any style or movement or look in particular so much as she just sees pieces she likes and throws them together? And so over time, her personal style started to solidify just based on what she likes and the way she wears different pieces, if that makes sense. A lot of the stuff she wears is totally outside the alt or grunge style, which is what makes me think she's just kind of buying items she likes. It's also possible that she was inspired by other people that she was seeing at parties and stuff like that.

I think it's probably just a cultural thing? You do see those kinds of characters in American TV as well, but I think maybe it's more of a standard character trope in the UK?

I think her decision at the beginning of 301 to do all of the things that are banned at school in one day isn't exactly a mentally healthy thing to do, but I do think she's better in 301 than she is later on in series 3 and definitely in series 4.

I'm nervous I will quit and inevitably won't get any offers for the positions I applied for. They are student positions through my school so I'm hoping it will be fair and I applied really early, like as soon as the job got posted. I don't really have expensive bills and I live at home but I don't want people to think I'm a lazy leech or I don't want to work. Just super nervous about everything because I'm scared I'm gonna fail out of school too 😭

I also just feel so lazy and untalented for not being able to uphold the standards for my job when it's just minimum wage. I feel like this means I won't ever get a better job because I can't handle this one.

I think it's totally reasonable to want to quit a toxic, stressful job in order to be able to prioritize school, especially one that's 40-50 hours a week! That's more than a full time job on top of being a student, which is a full-time job itself. It makes sense that that would be too much for one person to manage. You'll have your entire life to work, but now is the only time (until retirement, at least) that you'll be able to just focus on learning. I don't know anyone who would assume you're a leech who doesn't want to work because you're focusing on school, and I think anyone who does think that is just being unrealistic and out of touch. Plus, it sounds like you have a lot of work experience and a great work ethic, so I would be surprised if you don't get any of the positions you applied for through your school. Those positions are created exactly for students like you. In terms of feeling lazy and untalented, there are lots of different jobs for lots of different types of people. Just because you're not good at the current job you have doesn't mean there's no job you'll ever be good at. You might even be good at this job if it were fewer hours and a less toxic environment. For example, I used to work retail and I was absolutely terrible at it, to the point where I eventually got fired. But now I work for a design company where I get paid more, I'm actually really good at my job, and I enjoy what I do every day. If I had assumed I would be bad at every job just because I was bad at my first one, I never would have found something I actually was good at and liked. I know it's really stressful right now, but I 100% believe you'll be totally fine.

I later opened up to her about my relationship with him, told her all these things and she didn’t like it. She told me to stop seeing him. I also tried to tell my coworkers about him, the ones who knew him. One of them was a girl who worked with him as well, she told me she felt weird around him because he tried to always take the train home with her too. She said he made it look like a coincidence but she saw that he was waiting around for her by the trains. He later brought up that coworker girl to me, he said me and her was the only girls he would ask those questions to. I asked him why he asked her too, and he said because she’s young and he was curious. She’s 18 btw. I thought that was a weird response, saying that she’s young. He also tells me that something he likes about me is that I’m 25 but I still act like a 16 year old. And he likes that I don’t have any experience, and he said I’m easy to mold into what he wants. He also says he likes that I’m very submissive. My coworkers also told me he gives off creepy vibes and that I shouldn’t talk to him. I wasn’t physically attracted to him but now that I’ve hung around him for a while I’ve grown to have feelings for him and he wants to build a life together. He says he wants to “continue his legacy” by having kids with me. I tried to break it off with him but he didn’t let me, he said it took him a long time to find me and that he doesn’t feel like he can trust any other women when it comes to marriage, “especially American women” because they are more likely to ask for a divorce and “destroy his life”.

So right away, I'm seeing some red flags here. The fact that he's so much older than you and was your co-worker, that he stalked you and sent you inappropriate text messages, that he's done the same thing to another young girl, that he kept perusing you even after you turned him down for four months, that he's attracted to you because you don't have much romantic or life experience, that he's pressuring you to move faster than you're ready for and pressuring you to have children, that he's stopped giving you gifts and started expecting you to pay for him, that he's never met your family even though you live with them, that he's trying to isolate you from your family, that he wants to mold you into his perfect partner, that he's attracted to the fact that you're submissive and still act like a teenager, that he's focused on "continuing his legacy", that he doesn't want to date an American woman because they're "untrustworthy" and "will ruin his life" by trying to divorce him, and not letting you break up with him are all red flags.

All together, from what you've said, this sounds like a person who is looking for a young, naive partner who will only focus on him and do all the housework, emotional labor, child raising, and moneymaking without expecting anything in return, without having a life of her own, and without having the freedom to leave. You deserve better than that. You deserve a partner who wants to see you grow into the person that you are instead of to mold you into the person that they want you to be. You deserve a partner who's excited to show how much they love you, whether that's through giving you gifts or doing things for you or just telling you how much you mean to them. You deserve a partner who is excited to meet your friends and family and to tell your friends and family how excited they are to be with you. You deserve a partner who's willing to wait until you're ready to make big steps in the relationship. And you definitely deserve a partner who wants you to be with them because you want to, not because you're trapped due to marriage or cultural expectations or children.

I know it can be hard to break up with someone, especially someone that you care so much about and who's your first experience with romantic love. I know it can be hard to imagine what life would be like without that person, and it can be hard to imagine life with someone else. But I think you deserve better than this, and I hope that you find someone who is so amazing that you can't even remember what you saw in this guy.

On a more practical note, if and when you try to break it off with him again, there are a few things I would suggest. When you're actually breaking it off, be really clear about the fact that you're ending the relationship. Give reasons for why you're initiating the breakup, but don't give excuses, and don't feel like you need to give lots of detail. I would suggest making it clear that you need a clean break and that you don't want to talk anymore, since it seems like he's someone who's persistent. "I broke up with you, and as we've discussed, I'm not going to communicate with you anymore" is hard to tell someone, but it's important to hold that boundary for yourself if the relationship is truly going to end. Don't respond to his messages, don't call him, don't let him talk you into meeting to "get closure", don't try to "just be friends". Normally I would suggest blocking him on all platforms to make that easier, but since it seems like he may have a tendency towards stalking, it may be a better idea to take screenshots of all the messages that he sends you after the breakup in case you need to file for a restraining order down the line. I would also let both your parents know that you've broken up with him and that you've gone no-contact so that they're prepared in the event that he shows up at your house.

I really hope that I'm being overly cautious and that he's actually a great guy who respects you and wants what's best for you, whether that's being in a relationship with him or not. But from what you've said and from what the other people in your life have told you, it seems like this just isn't a great situation for you to be in.

I think the post you're looking for is this one.

I think the shape of the dress is more Mini, but the pattern and colorway are more Effy. This is actually a pretty good option if you want to blend their styles, I think.

I think it depends on what your current healthcare situation looks like. If you have access to a primary care doctor or a psychiatrist, then I would definitely meet with them to discuss your options. Some doctors are open to suggesting complementary treatments in addition to standard medication, so talk to them about the supplements you're considering.

If you don't have access to a healthcare provider, then it might be worth trying supplements. A limited number of low-quality studies suggest that it can help with stress and anxiety, and in general, the worst that will happen is that the ashwagandha doesn't do anything and you end up peeing it out. Side effects of taking it may include diarrhea, headache, sedation, or nausea, and you shouldn't take it if you're pregnant, breastfeeding, or taking cancer medications. I couldn't verify this, but I suspect you also shouldn't take it if you have low blood pressure. It's also important to know that (at least in the US) supplements aren't regulated, so you may not actually be getting enough of the ingredient in each pill for it to have an effect, and in some cases, you may not be getting the ingredient they claim is in the pill at all.

Anonymous asked:

how to not hate yourself while becoming a better person? i used to be almost sociopathic and completely selfish, i endangered and hurt others, not on purpose but it still happened. i feel like i deserve to hate myself as punishment and every bad thing that happens/has happened to me is karma and “fair”, but i’m miserable but i feel as if i deserve to be hurt and it’s okay that it’s happened to me

Anonymous asked:

how to not hate yourself bc of the person you’re trying to grow out of? i’ve been almost sociopathic and selfish, i’ve hurt and endangered others bc of my selfishness and impulsive actions, i don’t like hurting others, it makes me feel awful but it never even occurred to me, it always “me me me”i want to change but i hate myself so much, i feel like i deserve the worst and every bad thing that has happened/will happen is karma and therefore deserved, but it makes me miserable

Anonymous asked:

how not to hate yourself I was completely selfish and almost sociopathic, i’ve hurt and endangered others, not for the sake of it, i never considered how my actions affect people, i hate myself now i feel like i deserve the worst and every bad thing that has happened/will happen is karma.

Anonymous asked:

how do you see yourself past your bad actions, i was like Tony, i hurt people and endangered them bc of my selfishness and insecurity, i didn’t think of others, i can only see my flaws and feel that i don’t deserve to love myself or be loved

Anonymous asked:

is it selfish to forgive yourself and love yourself when you’ve hurt others and been a bad person and others don’t believe you deserve to move on from what you’ve done?

Anonymous asked:

how to not hate yourself despite being a truly awful person in the past, i was completely selfish and almost sociopathic, i hurt and endangered others without thinking of them at all, i was completely selfish, i don't do those things anymore but i don't think i deserve self love or love from others, i feel like every bad thing that happened/will happen is karma and fair. I feel miserable but i don't think there's any good in me

Becoming a better person and learning to love yourself is a process, and I think you've made a really important first step by acknowledging the harm that your past behaviors caused and the impact those behaviors had on the people around you. That harm is real, and while people can heal from it, what happened can't be undone. But nobody goes through life free of causing harm to other people. It's just a part of the human condition, and it doesn't mean that we're unworthy of love or forgiveness. We're not solely defined by our past actions. And so I think all any of us can do is work to understand why we did what we did, try to forgive ourselves, and do our best to be better today than we were yesterday. We all have it in us to grow and to be good to one another, and the more we focus on doing that, the less harm we cause.

All that said, what do you actually do to start forgiving yourself and eventually learning to love yourself? I think the first step is investigating why you did the things that you did. Until you understand what your motivations were, it will be hard to offer yourself compassion or forgiveness, and it will be easier to slide back into those same patterns. Figuring out why you did the things that you did is a process that can be hard and often emotional, so if you can, a therapist is a great resource for this. They can help you explore your emotions in a way that feels safe, and potentially help you think of connections that you wouldn't have otherwise seen. If you don't have access to a therapist, I like the "five whys" as a tool to dig a little bit deeper. It works like this. Think of something that you did that hurt someone else. Then ask yourself why you did it. When you come up with that answer, ask yourself why again, and again, and again, until you get to a root cause of the behavior. This could be something like, "I stole from my friend because I needed money and she had money." "Why?" "I needed money because I wanted to buy a new dress." "Why?" "Because if I don't update my clothes, my friends will judge me." "Why do you think they'll judge you?" "Because I've seen them judge other people, and I don't want to be judged." "Why?" "Because I'm afraid that they won't want to be friends with me." "Why?" "Because I don't think I would be able to make new friends." "Why?" and so on, and so on. Usually the core of negative behaviors is some kind of belief that we hold about ourselves or about the world, like that we're unlovable/evil/not good enough/a fundamentally bad person, or that the world is a dangerous place, or that other people are inherently selfish.

Once you get to those core beliefs, you can start to challenge them. This will feel stupid at first, because your brain genuinely believes that the core belief is true. But the more you challenge that belief, the more your brain will start to accept other possibilities, and eventually, it will start to believe something else instead. For example, if a core belief is "I deserve bad things to happen to me because I've been a bad person", you might challenge that with, "all people do bad things sometimes, but nobody deserves bad things to happen to them." The more times you say it to yourself, the more you'll start to believe it.

Once you've worked on understanding why you did the things that you did and how you can change the beliefs that led you there, it may be helpful to apologize to the people that you hurt. This person may not want to talk to you, so I think it's best to do this kind of thing through text (whether that's a letter or a text message or a DM or whatever). Go into this without an expectation of forgiveness or even a response. Rather, approach it with a desire to let the person know that you understand the hurt you've caused and are committed to being better. Take responsibility for what you did, be specific about it, and express genuine remorse for what happened. Avoid trying to justify, defend, or explain your actions to them, since that will only make them feel invalidated. Offer to make amends if you can (for example, if you stole money, paying it back, or if you broke something, replacing it), and then tell them the steps you've taken to prevent that same situation from happening in the future.

The last thing I would suggest is trying to do good things for others, not just the people that you hurt. Volunteering within your local community is a great way to grow as a person and to commit to changing. I also think it will help you to feel like your karma has balanced out and make it a little bit easier to let go of some of the guilt that you feel.

You should generally try to test concealer on your jawline or inner wrist and look at it in natural lighting before you make any purchases. Hands can work too, but the color will be a less accurate match. For undereyes, you may also want a formula that has more of a peach or orange undertone thank your actual skintone, since pinks and oranges can help to cancel out the purples and blues that cause our undereye area to look dark. You may also want a color that's a shade lighter than your actual skintone in order to brighten up the undereye area.

In terms of safety, generally the worst that you'll get from a concealer other people have used is a pimple. Lipsticks, balms and highlighting sticks are the ones to avoid testing, since they have formulas that trap bacteria more easily, and mascaras, because they go near your eyes. I would use one of the disposable applicators that they have in store instead of using the wand that comes with the tester product. You may also be able to ask the store associate for a take-home sample of the concealer to try out before you buy. In the US, Sephora is pretty good about doing this, as are department stores.