why would i fuck a demon? simple, the status. imagine rolling up into hell already havin had ur back blown out by one of their own. imagine you and a gang of other losers standin at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death about having a pitchfork up their ass for eternity and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon? legendary.

♫ Best believe, I punched Keanu Reeves, and it was better than any scene you could see in Speed ♫

a mystery

(based on this ask lma o)

When somebody says that “a man likes to feel like a man,” all I hear is “A man likes to feel superior to you and it’s your job to make him believe it.” 

Someone said this to me once, that a man needs to feel like a man, I replied “well I’m not stopping him” and had to watch this fragile creature try to explain to me that my strong personality could demean men.

Like, if I have to pretend you are a strong man and cater to that then clearly you’re not that strong dude.

This post has the most weapons grade dick energy ive ever seen.

Conservatives: I hate Muslim people. Look at what that Muslim person did at that Orlando LGBT bar.

LGBT people: So, does that mean you care about LGBT people?

Conservatives: No! Gay people are pedophiles, and transgender women are just men who want to invade women’s restrooms and harass women! WE NEED TO PROTECT WOMEN!

Women: So, does that mean you care about women?

Conservatives: Shut up, feminazi! Women in the United States are not oppressed! If you want to talk about women’s oppression, you should be focusing on how women in other countries are treated!

Refugees: So, does that mean you care about people from other countries?

Conservatives: Stay out of our country! Why should we care about refugees when we have people here who need help?

Homeless People: So, does that mean you care about people who need help?

Conservatives: No! Get a job, freeloader!

this is accurate

Conservatives:  Why don’t you all care about me?!  

Everyone else:  [Stares into the camera like they are on the Office.]

one time alexander the great rode dick for 8 hours and then spent 8 hours the next day riding a horse, and that’s why i believe bottoms deserve more credit 

Except no, he didn’t. There is no evidence anywhere that says Alexander the Great was gay. What historical reference says that? His multiple wives maybe? His many children born to them? Or whatever delusion you’ve cooked up to pass your own opinion?

honey , i’m not spending an extra year in uni to get a classics degree not to respond to this directly 

i) alexander had one (1) unborn child at the time of his death, because he only, miserably, managed to knock up one of his three (3) wives after his boyfriend died 

–> had alexander produced more than ONE (1) child, the hellenistic age would not have been defined by the fallout caused by his generals warring to decide a successor, ultimately destroying his empire and arguably sending everyone from macedon to modern-day palestine into a cultural dark age 

ii) macedonian kings took multiple wives to secure succession, a political move that alexander resisted despite the urging of both antipater and olympias (i’ll let you google them on your own time) for almost an literal 

decade 

– > there’s an anecdote found in the curtius , your “historical reference” – you can google his dates – about alexander’s parents sending him a hooker because they were afraid he didn’t  … how do i say it nicely? wanna fuck women 

it’s absolutely true that you can’t say alexander was gay; that’s grossly reductive, because sexuality didn’t exist by modern definition in ancient times. more, alexander DID bone a woman, willingly, at one point – a satrap’s (google that) wife, named barsine, with whom he may or may not have produced a bastard child called heracles. getting dicked down doesn’t negate wanting to dick another down, an interesting concept that you would be familiar with if you took a quick jaunt out of that homophobic bubble wrap you’ve duct-taped yourself into. we also can’t FOR SURE 100% conclusively say that alexander and hephaestion boned; but plutarch, curtius, and diodorus are some notable biographers who delve into detail about alexander’s life-long, likely romantic connection to his right hand man, who he mourned so excessively at the time of his death that there was hardly a dime left for alexander’s own funeral. they didn’t make that shit up – you can google what source criticism is, but some of THEIR sources included ptolemy i soter and callisthenes – oof, more people for you to google! modern scholars from reames to borza to müller to green assume that he was getting dicked down for the above reasons, too!

at last, i shall acknowledge that my Humour Post refers to lucian (pro lapsu inter salutandum 8), who has some wink-wink-nudge-nudge content concerning who slept in whose tent when, but who wants to retread old ground? here’s another one of my favorites instead: 

323 was the year of alexander’s death (historical!), but even if lucian made all of this up, as this scholar seems to nudge at, it’s still quite telling that a cultural memory and historical tradition that the romans associated with alexander included his love of massive, throbbing cocks, non? 

people who share your dreadfully uninformed and outdated opinion include, if i’m not mistaken, a handful of stodgy greek lawyers, a man named william woodthorpe tarn, and helmut berve. tarn was an imperialist, and berve? a literal nazi.

I’m sorry but I just had to reblog this.  This is a fucking epic beatdown.

reblog if you’re in these fandoms so i can follow you!

no offense but bucky not remembering what he does as the winter soldier makes his & sam’s rivalry so much funnier

sam: you know im STILL not over the time when you ripped out my car’s steering wheel!

bucky: the time i WHAT

sam increasingly realizes he can just say whatever tf he wants & bucky’ll be like

well at least we finally figured out what hozier eats

in case you guys wanna know what modern high school dances are like, at mine despacito came on and everyone t-posed around this one kid as he fortnite danced like his life depended on it

to be fair, at a school dance when i was in school, a kid i knew had completely memorized the choreography to the gangnam style music video and the rest of us yell-sang what does the fox say noises at her while she did it.. so like, not much different. same soil different pot

if cotton eye’d joe came on everyone would make the neatest fuckign lines and do the dance in sync. it was like a cult. but hell yeah it was fun as shit

Freeze!

Everybody clap your hands!!!

we really are the product of our generations

Straight dudes be like oh I’m supposed to wash my face? And change my shower curtain? And sweep my floor? And go to therapy? And not eat exclusively off plasticware in my own home? And wipe off my stovetop? And have seperate hand soap and body soap? Like shut the hell up and learn how to be a functional human without a girl teaching you everything I’m tired

The Book of Names lists each person murdered at Auschwitz

#and you have to remember how many names are most likely missing#from rushed trains and burned lists#from rushed transports and people who died on the death marchs#what about the names from people who died after their liberation#and then…#this is only Auschwitz#this was the biggest camp yes#but just one of many#and then remember sobibor and belsec#and try not to feel sick

This is why we punch Nazis. This is why this vile ideology must be stamped out viciously every time it tries to come out of its hole.

Never. Again.

I can’t belive the size of this, this is so unreal.

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

10 of Pentz came thruuu

Omg this actually works!!! Thank you 10 of Pentacles!!!

I could seriously use this money right now….

Please give me my refund of 400$ soon…

I feel obligated to reblog this every time it shows up in my dash

No bragging, just 100% floored and grateful. Work hard, maintain a positive attitude, and believe that anything can happen.

So I reblogged this exactly a week ago because I thought it was funny and uh lo and behold, a family friend wrote me a big ol’ check just to help me out of a tough financial spot AND my bank refunded me $32 for fees they’d originally taken out. SO UH YEAH. Reblogging this again in hopes that it brings equally good fortune to my followers.

Sure why not? Jobs bring in money and prosperity…

I NEED TO FIX MY CAR DOOR

It fucking WORKED.

I need my car bumper fixed lmaoo

Bill Hader’s knife story is the funniest thing ever

the one problem i have with people my age and younger is that a lot of us do not have hands on hobbies. like i have spoken to so many people my age who go to work, go to school and then fuck around on their phone/computer for hours and then ???????? like no wonder ur depressed and have low confidence in urself. u need to get ur hands on something, feed those dopamine receptors! learn how to play guitar, garden, scrapbook, fucking make model trains. i don’t give a shit, MAKE SOMETHING!!

it feels better than drugs when i finish making a thing—and then show it off or gift it.

and then so people my age say to me ‘well—i can’t draw/paint/knit/etc. like you can. my stuff would be terrible.’ yeah, well duh—a part of developing skill is sucking at something and then practicing it over and over and over again until you suck less. u’ll have a hard time feeling lonely or bored when you can’t stop thinking abt a technique you want to try or something you want to make for someone else. making things has SAVED MY LIFE. it gave me a reason to keep living day after day when i wanted to die.

making things improved my generational relationships (when i worked for the newspaper i would talk to customers abt jamming recipes or cross-stitch, one of my grandmas always gives me pattern books and tell me abt when she knitted things for mom, my other grandma is giving me a wedding quilt that HER grandma gave her 50 years ago because she knows i will appreciate it). it also got me likeminded friends who also make things.

take a ceramics class! pick up water colors, bake cakes! learn to work on cars! make soap. DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE STARING AT A SCREEN.

This is what it’s like to have dyslexia. Web developer Victor Widell is hoping to shine a light on the learning disorder with this creative coding simulation.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what it looks like for me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So accurate !!!!!!

This! It can be so hard for people to get it. I’ve been told “you can’t have a disability” because I did well in school or because I have a law degree, because I scored high on the LSAT (which was despite not being able to finish it). Learning disabilities don’t = stupid, it’s just slower and more difficult to read/spell.

Oh wow

I think every single person without dyslexia should see this