| NMNF |

THE FUCKING GASP I LET OUT, he really knows about bags sweetheart

i’m going to go CRAZY OML

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

as witness the number of other social media platforms that seem to subsist on screenshots from here - it's always weird seeing our own comments show up in some fb group but then we realise that's half of fb these days, we're like those swans that feed carp

Promises aren't Meant to be Broken by paradis

Teen | 12k | 1/1

“Thanks for saving me,” Stiles blurts out, staring up at Laura, wide eyed. 

Laura grins. “I like you,” she says, “we’ll be friends.”

little miss automatically goes silent when something hurts her feelings

hehe

It’s all part of the master plan - Sterek version by Littleredridinghunter

No Rating Given | 167k | 14/14

Stiles is taken to the Argent’s basement. When he comes out he knows his life will never be the same again.

The extent at which that night changes his life becomes glaringly obvious as time goes on.

Can the pack help him heal? Or will they fail to be there for him when he needs them the most?

Cause I Built a Home (For You, For Me) by nymphe (wc6860, teen)

Pack parents Sterek is the best, but it's even better when Stiles doesn't actually realize what he's doing.

this man is Huge

It’s Not Pretend When It’s Real by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) 

Teen | 32k | 1/1

“At least we got this far,” Stiles argued. “Could’ve been worse. For now, they know he’s taken by someone in the pack.”

“Mm hm,” Lydia said, giving him a look. “You realize that you are now going to have to pretend to date Derek, right?”

Stiles rolled his eyes. “Oh no, what a hardship. That sucks, boo hoo.” He motioned Derek emphatically. “He’s like, my best friend.”

“Hey!” Scott insisted.

“He’s like, my second best friend,” Stiles amended. “It’s fine, we’ll figure it out. Right?” He turned to grin at Derek, who was scowling at him.

Gravity's Got Nothing on You (83979 words) by zosofi Chapters: 11/11 Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Allison Argent/Scott McCall Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Allison Argent, Laura Hale, Original Characters Additional Tags: AU, Humor, Romance, Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Magic Summary: “Three weeks,” Derek says. “Still don’t want to,” Stiles says. “I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so… “How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“ “My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.” “A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

It’s all part of the master plan - Sterek version by Littleredridinghunter

No Rating Given | 167k | 14/14

Stiles is taken to the Argent’s basement. When he comes out he knows his life will never be the same again.

The extent at which that night changes his life becomes glaringly obvious as time goes on.

Can the pack help him heal? Or will they fail to be there for him when he needs them the most?

Derek began running his fingers through Stiles’ hair, and absently commented, “Your hair’s soft.”

“There’s conditioner in my shampoo!” Stiles exclaimed excitedly. “Does yours have that?”

“Mine are different,” Derek told him. “One is shampoo, one is conditioner.”

Stiles reached up and Derek dipped his head a bit to allow Stiles to card his hand through the front. As Stiles’ hand moved down the side of his head to gently scratch behind his ear, Derek wanted to make a remark about not being a dog—but to his mortification, a soft rumbling erupted in his chest.

“You’re purring.”

“I’m not,” Derek grumbled, forcing the sound to cease. Wolves didn’t purr.

“Oh, don’t stop, ya big softie wolf.” Stiles laughed. “I like the purring—it feels happy.”

Derek rolled his eyes and swatted Stiles’ hand away. 

scene from From the Darkness Comes a Spark

No Oceans Left by zoemathemata

Teen | 14k | 1/1

Stiles has always been a merman. He just never knew how to tell anyone. He hasn’t shifted since his mom died.

whoooo

Shadow and Bone 2.04

SHADOW AND BONE  ↳book > screen

Rollins bulled toward him, grabbed him by his lapels, and slammed him against the chapel wall. Kaz let him. Rollins was sweating like a moist plum, his face livid with desperation and terror. Kaz drank it in. He wanted to remember every minute of this.

“Tell me where he is, Brekker.” He smashed Kaz’s head against the wall again. “Tell me.” 

“It’s a simple trade, Rollins. Just speak my brother’s name, and your son lives.” - Crooked Kingdom

i have so much to say