Vincent van Gogh | Pine Trees with Figure in the Garden of Saint-Paul Hospital, The Garden of Saint-Paul Hospital
me preparing myself for the beautiful manifestations of change & growth in my life: fuck yeah!!!!!!!!! :D hell yeah!!!!!!!! yessss!!!! yippee!!!!!!!!!
me experiencing the grief & loss that comes with significant change: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
L’Amica Geniale, Those Who Leave And Those Who Stay
#2. Coming down, growing up
On growing and letting things flow Ariadne Jessica 30 November 2022
Growth can come in many ways. Growth can take on many colors and shapes. 🌱🌈
#1. Searching for the higher ground
On losing the present by living in the past and future Ariadne Jessica 28 November 2022
Anger changes you. It’s easy to blame the ones who wronged the innocent. It’s easy to hold onto the resentment and let it consume your days. Until it burns the innocents instead of the guilty, and you have the same blood on your hands. Until the anger turns inward because of it, and you fight no one else but yourself. Until the score doesn’t change, and the anger burns out into what it has always been: grief. So you try to find anything that could have changed everything. So you dream about that one thing that will change everything. So you move through the days, always two, three ages at the same time. So you long to know who you really are if you weren’t you.
Hello! I'm turning a year older today, and I wanted to share a creative project that revolved around the last three months of my mid-20s!
Echoes To/From An Inner World is an archive of art, unspoken words, and unsent letters. The pieces are reflections of the humble places I found myself in during the day and the things that came back to me in the middle of the night. They are the result of simple attempts at preserving memories of feelings that reached unknown depths of my psyche, and of course, self-expression and meaning making.
This project is also special to me because it celebrates the last nine months of acknowledging, listening, and opening up to a trauma-afflicted inner world and the "Parts" that live in it. I have always thought of how I could honor these Parts for protecting me all these years, and it boiled down to the simple act of making them feel seen and heard. They are my co-creators in this project and in the life I'm looking forward to at 26. :)
There are 23 pieces in the archive, each released on Mondays and Wednesdays in no particular order. Extended descriptions of each piece will be posted here on my Tumblr and mirrored on my Ko-fi page.
With everything happening around social media, I sort of struggled in deciding where to share this project and if I should even share it at all. It can be discouraging when an algorithm has to constantly be pleased in order to amplify echoes. I’m trying not to let those thoughts linger, and rest with the peace of still putting my work out there and (hopefully) connecting with you. Happy Sagittarius season! Look out for the New Moon tonight too!
With love, Ariadne
I once described Disconnected as a room with mirrored walls. No doors and windows, just infinite reflections in a cold and awfully silent room. […] I feel the walls coming down now. I feel the warmth reaching from the other side. I feel it when I wake to the sun's warmth resting on my skin every morning, and I think, "I'm healing in ways I haven't experienced before."
👋 Something I wrote and illustrated yesterday on journeying across the mental health spectrum. Consider this my pahabol post for National Mental Health Week PH! 😄 Sending y'all hugs and good vibes to start the week. I hope you heal from the things you talk about to the sun and moon. 💚💙
A lot of us are focusing on inner child work when it’s actually the inner teen that became skilled at putting those walls up, being resistant to love, & creating masks or personas to hide the fact that you were hurt or to beg everyone else to see that you were.
Your inner teen is the one that’s holding onto all that anger, resentment & hate towards the people that didn’t protect you when you were a child. It’s the one that wants to hold onto being a victim
this is perfectly described. I feel like we should focus more on the inner teen. Mine, I feel, is even more severely traumatized than my inner child. I think it’s because as a teen I already knew that what I’m going through and the way I’m treated is all wrong wrong wrong. I feel it in my body, the emotions and feelings that naturally come as a reaction to being treated worse than an animal, but these are trapped inside me because expressing them will cause me to be subjected to immense amounts of trauma and oppression. My inner child is also severely traumatized, but as a kid I thought that’s how it’s supposed to be. My inner teen tells me no, it’s NOT supposed to be like that! rebel! run away! get the fuck out! But the other part of me knows that I’m trapped, that I can’t possibly get out of this situation, so it all makes me so hopeless. makes me wanna bash my head in with frustration. teen me was depraved of the simple right to form my own person, to develop interests and hobbies, to simply exist as a human being. in turn my inner teen is angry and extremely bitter, demanding constantly a possibility to finally let out, even if I have no idea who the fuck I even am. Even if I do manage to get out, I believe I would always be bitter, grieving abt all the experiences I missed out on, how I’ll never rly be ok again. trauma fucks you up on so many different levels. with complex trauma, it’s having no idea who you are, if ur ever gonna be ok, of being so fucking tired and exhausted and just wanting to be alone and invisible. I don’t even know who I was before trauma or if there ever was such a person, I was just a little kid. trauma is believing you are fucked up and flawed and that you have always been so. trauma is when ur inner child forgives but never forget, but also when ur inner teen forgets but will never ever forgive the way you were treated. even when u simultaneously believe that it was all ur fault and that it wasn’t even that bad. it’s when ur so resentful and bitter and hateful, want to hold on to these emotions but at the same time feel like u must move on already. it’s when ur so desperate to have ur trauma validated, but still feeling so guilt for being bitter when it wasn’t even that bad. it’s when u hold onto that victimhood because that’s the only why u can convince urself that the trauma was real, that u shouldn’t have been treated like that, that u deserved better.
Re-parenting yourself is like: I will hold you because no one ever did. I will show you tenderness because all you ever knew was hardship. I will protect you when everyone else left you to fend for yourself. I know it’s not fair what happened to you. But I am here for you now.
<3
schuyler peck (@schuylerpeck) can't get enough of my love \\ sanna wani \\ charles oluf olsen goal
I think there is a very specific bitterness and pain that accompanies the realisation and reluctant acceptance that you lost your childhood and adolescence to trauma and mental illness, and it's something that people can't appreciate unless they've lived it too. Well meaning but utterly clueless people my age tell me "well I can't believe that I'm this age either!" and people older than me say things like "we all feel like we didn't make the best of our youth!" but I know that it isn't the same .
there is a deep longing in me for the safety of an innocent childhood, or the carefree turmoil of a rebellious adolescence that can never be realised . theres a deep sense that im a little girl or an unruly teenager . theres a reluctance , or inability, to accept that im an adult, that life didnt stop then , that the world didnt wait for me, time kept going and it left me behind.
how can I already be an adult when i never had the chance to be a child?
i’m in this picture and i don’t like it, it’s a whole thing
family appalled that their very quiet well behaved mature child who never caused any problems has grown up and turned out to have many many problems. more news at 8!