My Facebook meme groups DELIVERED

i have 15 years’ worth of outstanding library fines in three separate cities and it’s my hope that eventually a bounty hunter librarian will come to collect and we’ll get in a bar fight and fall in love

I also can’t rent movies in two different towns so there’s that.

I’m newly terrified by the implication that librarians aren’t people and I’ve misjudged what exactly I’m up against

Harry is going to be the best dad. Proof:

i c o n i c

loOK HOW SMALL

this is so funny hahahah

THIS

bab(ies)

never let this moment die (“MAKE SOME NOISE FOR ERIC”)

Look how happy he gets at the POSSIBLITY of there being a baby near

I love how prominent he is in lux’s life (uncle knobhead) ((LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS))

Even theo is shook #same

And finally, this. I love how playful he is with them ugh

I could go on and on but tumblr has a 10 picture limit HAHA

reblog if harry styles fucks you up

you’ve heard of sister daniel

now get ready for

mother danresa

There was a little girl in church, about 5, and her parents obviously let her get dressed herself that day because she came waddling in with the puffiest coat on in the summer in North Carolina. She comes and sits in the pew in front of us. 15 minutes into mass she turns around and hands my husand an orange. Her parents are mortified.

“Savannah not again!” They sold! (Again kills me)

They appologize and she turns back around. A few moments later she goes to hand me an orange but her parents grab it from her before she can.

Savannah is determined. She reaches her tiny fists into her puffy coat and pulls out two more ornages. She begins to distribute them. Her parents are now beat red and in shock.

This small child proceeds to laugh a laugh I can only call manical (in a Catholic church) unzip the inner line of her coat and releases what had to have been 20-30 of those little kid oranges into the pews.

WE EAT Savannah yells cackeling

The priest can no longer contain his glee

The entire church is dying with laughter

She felt like Jesus on the moutian with the baskets of fish that day I’m sure.

Children are amazing.

Bitch WHAT THE FUCK

what the FUCK

???!!!!??

Yo, this guy sold his soul for this or something holy fuck

i feel like i just watched something forbidden for mortal eyes

I’m the black lady in the audience LIKE DAMN OKAY

So….do i go to church tommorrow or stay in?

MAGIC TRICKS ARE SIMPLY SLEIGHT OF HAND, USING REDIRECTION TO TAKE YOUR FOCUS OFF THE THING THEYRE MANIPULATING. THAT IS NOT THIS. IT SEEMS LIKE IT AT FIRST BUT THEN HE STARTS DOING THIS SHIT IN PLAIN SIGHT, AND LETTING US ACTUALLY SEE THE SHIT TRANSFORMING AND CHANGING PLACES. THIS ISN’T SLEIGHT OF HAND.

THIS ISN’T A MAGIC TRICK. ITS JUST FUCKING MAGIC.

???? what??? the fuck???????

“Oh, I think I see the moments there where the actual transfer is happening, but he’s really good at it,” I thought at first. 

Promptly followed by, “Wait what the fuck what the FUCK”

Mmm bruh this guy needs to be arrested by wizard police for violation of the statute of secrecy

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

Originally posted by disneyasastrology

BWAHAHAHAHAH. 

the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.

A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre. 

Kys

Images are courtesy of google and Thomas Sanders’ youtube video, Accepting Anxiety Part 2

@thatsthat24

I. Love. This.

bibiddy bibiddy BAM. Logic/Logan for @thatsthat24

last one :)

This is so calming and pretty I love it

Images are courtesy of google and Thomas Sanders’ youtube video, Accepting Anxiety Part 2

@thatsthat24

These aesthetics are giving me life

Riley is going places. (via itcamefrombeneath)

aesthetics :pride :june 2017

gay | lesbian | bi | pan | ace | trans

Me:

Happy Birthday @danielhowell!

One year closer to death eh? :)