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Good Girls Are Patient

@nurseaware / nurseaware.tumblr.com

Forever His, Forever a Nerd, Level 39, Spouse and submissive of Sous-Sir Exploring BDSM, kink, and submission in a 24/7 full-spectrum D/s dynamic. Ask me anything, judgment-free zone. My writings are tagged #darc_light New to D/s? Search #resources
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TL;DR writings by nurseaware

I asked for help creating a post of my writings and Sir did not disappoint. Here’s the TL;DR, courtesy of @sous-sir  

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sccwriting

Hi everyone! Lexie here. Sadly, SCC writing has fallen into the abyss due to, well, life. I'm reaching out to see if anyone would be interested if I start a new site.

We'll use some of the classic SCC content, but also add some new things. I'm also thinking about creating a Discord server to go with the new site. In the past, SCC was a great place for advice and sharing experiences. I don't want to see that end.

If enough people are interested, I'm happy to do this! Let me know by liking this post or reblogging.

Merry Christmas!

Love - Lexie

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texasred43

Tribe…. Instructor144

just messaged me & asked that I let

y’all know that He’s just been

hospitalized, having a heart attack.

Please pray to whatever God(s) you believe in, send good vibes, keep him and his family in your thoughts, honor him as you choose… please…

He’s going to require rest, so please do not expect timely replies. I will post updates as I receive them….

My brain kinda exploded, so please, pass the word..

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nurseaware

Sending all the love and good vibes 💜💜💜

Appreciative of the update @texasred43 - please make sure that ornery old wolf focuses on his own healing during this time. We’ll all be waiting to with open arms to welcome him back when he’s better!

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nurseaware

Sir was getting ready for work this morning while I was laying in bed. As he was fastening his belt buckle he paused, looking at me. He took off his belt and started hitting me gently on the back and butt; making me all tingly and squirmy. After a few minutes he went back to getting ready. A little while later he came to other side of the bed and pulled me to the edge by my legs. He started playing with me, getting me all worked up again. Then he smacked my pussy, smiled and said “You can cum,” as he headed out the door for work.

I love being putty in his hands; his toy to play with as the mood strikes him.

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nurseaware

Submissive Headspace (or Cognitive Reframing for Submissives)

Sometimes my brain seems dead-set on fighting whatever is in front of me (for example, a chore, task, or punishment).

The other night I got home from work exhausted. I wanted to change my clothes, grab a glass of wine, and relax. But there it was, a pile of clean laundry in the chair and another load in the dryer. I considered asking him if I could put it off until the next night, but ultimately decided I did not have a valid reason so I reluctantly started folding laundry.

It did not take long for the negative thoughts to start in.

I hate doing laundry. Most of these aren’t even my clothes anyway. This is not what I want to do when I come home after a long day at work. I already work full-time and have to commute back and forth. I don’t want to come home and do the fucking laundry. I hate this rule…

It was about this time when I realized I was not in a submissive headspace.

To me, submissive headspace is like having a positive attitude, but for subs. Most of the time, submissives don’t have to work to be in this frame of mind. It tends to be their default. But sometimes, as on this particular day, those thoughts need to be consciously reframed. Reframing involves identifying and shifting maladaptive thoughts. Here is what that looked like for me:

What is it I want out of my dynamic? Do I want someone who cares about me? Someone who holds me accountable? Do I want someone who helps me do better and feel better? Of course I do.

If that is what I want, what do I need to do to make it happen? (Although the words I usually repeat are, “If you want to feel owned, Act owned”™ @instructor144)

If I want a Dom who will set rules to help me, then I need to follow those rules. If I want him to hold me accountable, then I need to be accountable. If I want a Dom who steps up and puts in the work, then I need to show him I am worth the effort.

Once I’m back in my submissive headspace I look at the laundry very differently. Now I see this as an opportunity for me to show him I want him to hold the leash. I’m thankful for that opportunity and I want to focus on showing him that I value his Dominance. It’s no longer a chore to be endured. It is an opportunity to tell him through action that I am proud to give him my submission.

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nurseaware

Finding My Voice

I was listening to a recent episode of Over the Knee in which @amysubmits and @CynicalDom were discussing submissives having a voice within their dynamic (link to full episode). It got me thinking about my voice in my own dynamic with @sous-sir.

I feel I have more of a voice within our dynamic than before we started D/s. This is largely because our communication has become more deliberate and more purposeful. When I communicate something to SS now it generally falls into one of three categories; general conversation, expressing wants/needs, or providing information.

·         General conversation is fairly straightforward. We talk about things that happened at work or stuff going on with friends and family. It’s the same type of conversation we had before D/s and it’s a way for us to stay engaged in each other’s lives and feel closer.

·         Expressing my wants deliberately is new within our dynamic. It might come in the form of asking permission, such as when I asked if we could get some salad kits at the grocery store this weekend. It’s not a rule or expectation that I ask permission for groceries/meals. Instead, it was my way of expressing a want, essentially saying ‘I want to have salad with dinners this week but it won’t kill me if we don’t.’ Other times I express my wants more directly like when I tell him I really, really, really want Dutch Bros!

Expressing a need generally comes in the form of a meta talk. I might say, “When we get a few minutes, I need us to talk about denial as a punishment.” He knows this is something that must be addressed, and he makes sure we have time to have this conversation.

·         Providing information is something I do both from my own personal need and from a sense of responsibility. I trust him to make decisions for us based on the best information he has available. Sometimes I have knowledge of things that he does not, and it is my responsibility in our dynamic to communicate that information to him so he can use it to make decisions.

One example of this is when our ice-maker broke and the kitchen flooded. I thought of a potential solution before SS did, and I shared my thoughts with him so he could decide how we would proceed.

Another example came during a recent conversation with SS when I told him I had been able to get a healthy lunch from the cafeteria, but I was sorry I had not packed myself a lunch the night before. He already knew I hadn’t completed the task of packing myself a lunch. What I was sharing with him was that I had not deliberately not completed the task, that there were not any extenuating circumstances that prevented me from doing so, and what I did to try to address the error. What he does with this information is not up to me, but if I do not give him all the pieces of the puzzle, I am hindering his ability to make the best decisions for us.

Before we started D/s, I used to lump everything I said together as “communicating.” My ‘voice’ had been a tangled mixture of thoughts, feelings, needs, and observations without any obvious distinctions. It’s no wonder things were often mis-communicated between us and I frequently felt like he wasn’t really hearing me. Now I’ve learned to distinguish between the different types of communication, and it has made my voice more purposeful. He is able to respond appropriately when he knows what I am trying to communicate. I have always had a voice in our relationship. For us, D/s has not diminished my voice, it has only made it stronger.

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nurseaware

Composure in Chaos

It started with a stressful day at work. Two different coworkers had commented on how impressed they were by ‘how well I was handling things’ in light of the day’s events (that should have been the first clue).

In addition, @sous-sir had been gone for a few days, and I was trying to have dinner ready when he came home that night. While I was attempting to caramelize onions (Sir is the cook in our house, not me), I was also checking in with friends online. Just as I realized the onions looked more black than caramel, an interaction with a friend caught me off-guard and suddenly something that should have been a minor bump in the road stopped me dead in my tracks. I ended up in tears.

At this point, Sir was just twenty minutes away and instead of being excited for him to finally be home I was consumed with feelings of frustration, disappointment, anger, sadness, and... failure.

Subsequently, Sir walked in after an eleven-hour day of work and four hours of driving to find a tearful, ungrateful, coming-apart-at-the-seams submissive. I was short with him. I pushed him away. I couldn’t explain what was going on. I even eventually left him to finish cooking and went outside to calm down.

Days later, I’m still amazed at his response. He tried to find out what was going on. He didn’t force anything, but he checked in again and again. He didn’t take it personally that I wasn’t happy to see him. He didn’t care that I destroyed the onions. Instead, he hugged me, tried to talk to me, and waited until I was ready. When everything finally came pouring out he put his arms around me, gently reminded me that I was holding myself to impossible standards, and helped me find my way back.

Reflecting on the whole experience, I can’t overstate how important these types of interactions are. It’s when life is chaotic, when the people you love have hit their breaking point, when you’re nearly out of steam yourself... If you can buckle down in that moment and be a counterbalance to their turbulence, that’s the stuff that lasting relationships are made of.

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nurseaware

Everyday Dominance

*TW surgical procedure, needles, pain

Today was a rough day for me. I finally had the Mohs procedure to remove cancerous cells from my nose that were identified a few months back. Originally, I had debated whether I needed Sir to go with me to the appointment at all. Part of me felt like this was a minor procedure and it didn’t warrant him taking time off work. But he had heard the uncertainty in my voice and to him there was never a question. I am so grateful bc it ended up being far more intense than I anticipated.

Prior to the appointment, Sir made sure I had everything I might need; snacks, a drink, something to read, etc. Once we got there, he quietly stood guard as I was numbed up and the first layer of tissue was removed. I thought I did pretty good that first round. The numbing needles hurt (you aren’t numb when they stick them in and the nose is so sensitive) and cauterizing the blood vessels caused a terrible smell, but overall it went well.

We waited less than an hour before finding out the results. Thankfully, they’d gotten all the cancer cells on the first cut. My relief however, ended up being short-lived. The surgeon went on to describe the options that we had to choose from next to leave the least amount of scarring (keeping in mind, this could permanently alter how I look). I chose the method that didn’t involve stitches or skin grafts, but instead used, I kid you not, surgical sandpaper. Things got intense after that. The numbing took so many injections on the top of my nose, my cheek, my septum, inside... ugh. There were tears pouring down my cheeks. I whimpered, I stomped my feet on the table, I nearly broke down sobbing, it was bad. Sir stood by me the whole time, holding my hand, telling me what a good job I was doing in his calm, reassuring voice. When the surgeon came back and Sir couldn’t stand at my side any more, he moved to the foot of the table and firmly squeezed my legs (he later said he wished he could have used rope to hold me, but his hands proved to be just as calming).

The pain and endorphins from that procedure were as much, if not more than, any intense scene. As soon as I was released, I was in Sir’s care. He sheltered me with his body as we walked out, he kept a hand on me as we drove home, then he tucked me in to rest with my blanket, stuffie, and a hot cup of tea.

This is the dominance I often fail to put words to when people ask me about our D/s. He is my daily protector and my strength. He helps me be brave when I need to but also gives me a safe place to fall apart. He’s not just here for the floggers and blow jobs (though those are definitely perks), he’s here for the tough times too. He shows up and puts in the work every single day.

Thank you @sous-sir for taking care of me today and every day. 💜

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nurseaware

Me: I need to be better about writing.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: Ive been carrying this notebook around all day and haven’t written anything I intended to. I did the same thing yesterday and the day before.

Him:

Me:

Him:

Me: writes this post

So often he helps me do the right thing without having to say a word. It’s easy for me to tell myself excuses, but when I think of saying those words to him they crumble in my mouth.

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nurseaware

TL;DR writings by nurseaware

I asked for help creating a post of my writings and Sir did not disappoint. Here’s the TL;DR, courtesy of @sous-sir  

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reblogged
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nurseaware

Perfectly Imperfect - Struggles

Thursday we hit a speed bump (figuratively, of course). Sir had a really bad day at work, his stress level was extremely high, and I needed to give him space for a while. “Space” meant not texting him throughout the day like I usually do, not interrupting him to ask his guidance on things I could decide on my own, and in general just not being as physically and emotionally involved in everything he was doing. And while that may sound like an easy thing to do, it really threw me off balance.

For the last few days, I haven’t been myself with him. I’ve been almost (I cringe to say this) pouty. I stopped doing all the ‘extra’ things in our D/s, reverting back instead to only following our explicitly defined rules and protocols. He wasn’t doing anything to deserve that kind of guarded behavior from me, but I still couldn’t quite figure out how to let down the walls I’d hastily constructed and let him back in.

Last night, I got upset by something that happened after dinner. It wasn’t a big deal really, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about it all evening. When we were finally alone in our room, Sir asked if I was mad at him. I explained that I wasn’t, I was just... mad, in general. He let me talk through it a bit but ultimately I wasn’t working through it and I wasn’t letting go of it either; I was stuck. So he told me instead of sitting in my regular spot, I was going to sit on the floor at his feet to remind me of my place. And when I was ready, I could ask for permission to come back to my spot.

I was still feeling stubborn, but knew better than to argue. So I sat at his feet with every intention of staying there and not ever asking to move. Then he started stroking my hair. I rested my head on his knee and wrapped my arms around his leg. I felt myself starting to come back to him. Before long I asked and received permission to sit in my spot at his side. I snuggled up close to him in a way I hadn’t been able to in days.

I guess the point of sharing all this is to say, our D/s isn’t perfect. Sometimes I struggle. Sometimes the struggles aren’t even for any ‘good’ reason; they just are, and that’s okay. I am Sir’s imperfect, sometimes struggling submissive, and this is our perfectly imperfect D/s.

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nurseaware

One of my favorite things about the weekends is being able to serve Sir in the mornings- coffee service, breakfast service, sexual service- anything he wants. Today I managed to sneak down and cook breakfast before he even woke up 😋

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Q: Am I too young to be a Dom?

I get a lot of questions from young women about whether they're old enough to get into bdsm. I don't see a lot of men asking that question, but it's just as important.

There are a lot of people who talk about how "older men do it better" and how women want someone who's "experienced" in sex. To me, that kind of thing is sort of vague, unimportant, and very much debatable.

But if you're going to enter into a dynamic that's reflective of the patriarchy, you need to have an actual understanding of the patriarchy.

Have you ever talked to a woman/girl about how it feels to be cat-called?

Have you taken the time to understand the difference between a woman feeling pressured to serve a guy sexually and her actually wanting to?

Do you understand and fully believe that not. all. women. are. subs?

I don't think there's an age that makes you too old or young to Dom, but I do think there are some minimum qualifications that take some time, effort, and experience. The bottom line is: don't play with bdsm until you unlearn all of the harmful patriarchal messages we've all been fed all our lives, or else you're going to do some damage.

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ficsex
Anonymous asked:

Trigger warning for non consensual sex.

I know rape/ravishment fantasies are quite common amongst women, but is there an explanation for them? What’s the deal with them? Thank you in advance.

there are a handful of reasons why someone of any gender may fantasize about non-consensual sex:

  • it allows them to acknowledge sexual desire without having to be the one acting on it - very common for people who struggle with shame around sexuality
  • if part of what they want is a stigmatized thing (anal sex / being hurt / etc) then the fantasy allows them to picture it without also having to imagine themselves asking for it
  • they’ve experienced sexual assault, and fantasizing about it lets them take some of the power back, or allows them to experience it without dissociation / trauma
  • it plays into the fantasy of being so sexually desirable that someone will take sex from them, without getting consent
  • it allows for strong feelings of anger, helplessness, and fear, through a) a lens of sexual desire and erotic expression, and b) a safe medium

there are probably more reasons that don’t fall under the umbrella of these guys, but these tend to be the common guys

What they are not is:

  • a sign that they are fucked up
  • inherently violent and non-consensual
  • a sign that they want to be raped or assaulted in real life
  • a sign that they want their partner to act that out, at all, or without thorough planning or negotiation
  • always a response to trauma - many sexually traumatized people don’t have rape fantasies, and many people with rape fantasies have never experienced sexual trauma
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