The Bells Around My Ankle

Sob sob sob! I've seen so many cute and easy crochet videos on Pinterest that I want to try them! But guess what? I have no right sized crochet hook! Mine is so damn small it's good for nothing! Why so small has ever even been made!?

I really wanted to crochet QAQ Maybe I just settle on making hot chocolate and write one chapter before my trip.

I have forgot to announce one thing:

I'm going for a trip next week! <3 First I go to sis' on 23th of April and on 28th of April we will head to UK, to stay with lovely @reservoirmonks and their husband. We stay there to 9th of May and then I stay with sis to 16th of May before coming back home.

I wouldn't be able to make this trip without reservoirmonks and their husband. They follow me here on Tumblr so they have been aware of my life and unpleasant happenings in it. Verti's death, my own mental health and life collapsing completely with his death, months of eating depression medicines which didn't help etc.

They had contacted my sister and then my sister called me on 8th of October last year. She said to me on the phone: "Reservoirmonks and their husband are buying you flying tickets as an early 40th year birthday gift. So you're coming with me to UK."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I honestly and truly, for the first time ever, started to cry because I was so happy! I cried so much, thanking sis and telling her to deliver my thanks to Reservoirmonks too. Of course I thanked them personally as well later after getting over this happy shock! (God, I'm STILL getting teary with positive disbelief!)

I am still so blown away about their kindness, this opportunity while still feeling so happy of being able to go on a travel and meet them after years! I am SO happy and SO excited already! <3

I take my laptop with me at sis' but I am not sure do I want to take my laptop with me to UK. I don't know how I can use internet there and so on. Plus laptop would be extra weight :'D But we'll see!

Mom took me for shopping today all of the sudden and I got these cuties! Lynx is from mom as an early birthday gift and that weird moth/dragon thing I bought to myself since I knew it would regret for leaving it behind.

JUST LOOK HOW CUTE THEY ARE!! <3 damn squishmallows!

Long, and too weird, dream to be written fully so I write only the end.

2003 turtle boys were at April's place. Very beautiful and modern house inside. Everyone else had to leave somewhere, leaving Raph and Mikey alone in her apartment. Naturally Mikey got bored, starting to chase Raphael (I was in Raph, seeing everything from his view) while telling funny real stuffs for an unknown reason.

Raphael squeezed himself in April's tiny bathroom, black & white, very fancy one, Mikey trying to come in too while Raphael tried to push the door back shut. As the space was very narrow, Raphael's hand touched April's make-up brush, making him jump and scream: "Ew! April's make-up brush touched me!"

This let Mikey get in the bathroom but Raphael had now got in tiny sauna, sitting there with a shower head in his hand. When Mikey peeked in, still talking, Raphael soaked him with cold water but it had no effect. He just kept talking!

I remember Mikey telling a joke:

"A woman asked me why I smell like woman's parfume. I smiled and said: So, you can smell my ghost." (apparently there even actually was a ghost which followed Mikey)

Raphael burst to laugh while still sitting in cold sauna, eventually saying to Mikey who was already telling another joke thing: "Let me laugh more ta that ghost thing!"

I was now myself, coming out of sauna wearing only a towel around myself, giggling to Mikey's ghost joke too. As I crossed over slightly "flooding" road, heading towards old red brick building with rusty iron fence around it, I realized that 1. I was in 1800's city / town, making me think if Nightmare Creatures game (places in 1800 London) for PS1 and 2. Everyone from my family was out so there was a possibility doors were locked and I wouldn't be able to get inside.

I turned to look to my right, seeing grass garden area across the road, fenced one, where was 4 to 5 deer. They all stared at something (dark evening / night) before running off. At the same moment when they ran off, I heard loud zombie sound (moan, groan or however you like describe it). I knew I was screwed. That this zombie had seen me and was coming to me, fast, even that I couldn't see or hear it. The feeling in the dream changed from weird and hilarious into so horrible one that I noped myself out of that dream.

When I woke up, I realized I couldn't feel my legs! Nothing from hips down! I either had been sleeping too long in same position (on my stomach which is rare) or then the fear I felt in my dream had "paralyzed" me here or I was sleeping so heavily, my legs being so relaxed that they became heavy and numb.

I dreamed about Verti last night.

I was in this house with mom, trying to clean when I noticed Verti coming to my feet, then playfully crawling under the couch. I said to him, or mom, something about feeding him soon.

I then realized the sad truth, starting to tear up. I turned to look at my mother while holding a tiny bag of cat's wet food, saying with tiny voice: "But I no longer have Verti..."

I started to wipe tears from my eyes, waking up doing the same in real life.

I tried to clean away Christmas stuffs since, well, I haven't been in shape of cleaning at all in months. Now that I finally felt I could do something, I managed perhaps an hour before getting exhausted and incredibly pissed.

Main reason is there's too much stuff! Seriously. Bedroom is a storage room, only one side of the bed being able to sleep on. There's boxes and boxes and bags of stuff. Some going to second hand shop, luckily.

Another reason is the LACK of storage. In whole house there's some cabins in kitchen, 2 narrow cabins (tall) in small hallway, "open" cabin for jackets and hats and shoes (this is full of stuff too) and then in bedroom 5 cabins' row, all tall but narrow. They ALL are so damn full of stuff too!

I know I'm part of the fault since I love Christmas stuff, buying something little each year. Another issue is mom. She is a hoarder more or less. She brings in stuff (most of the times she won't even use those items anyway), never throwing anything away. Sis also has start to leave her stuffs here but her situation I get since her apartment isn't even half of this big as our place. Her stuff is small ones too which can be stored in bags and boxes.

So, I am now, in all seriousness, thinking of buying good sized chest of drawers. We, at least, could put bed sheets, duvet covers and pillow cases, perhaps towels too, in it. Would free some room from those narrow cabins in bedroom

We also, AGAIN, should go through the cabins and just COLDLY throw things away. We've been living here since 2008 and mom still has curtains (PILES of them) which have NEVER seen the light of day...

Sorry about the rant. I'm just honestly so pissed, frustrated, tired, exhausted and hungry.

Thank you for the tag @lylakoi! :D It was nice surprise!

Currently watching: Just finished Undead Unluck anime the other day and it was pretty good! At least the humor was great but since I'm such a slow reader, most parts of the text / plot just flied past my eyes, me not understanding anything much from the actual anime plot... ^^;

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: I like sour and sweet foods but I can't eat them since my stomach can't handle them anymore (bo hoo, aging!). Same with spicy. I like it when food has strong flavors (whenever I actually EAT something else than chocolate) but in Finland we have very mild foods which only have salt and pepper.

Relationship Status: Still waiting the one ;) All the way to the grave if I have to, ahah!

Current Obsession: Aaahh, uumm... Writing new fanfics? Does that count? I haven't write in AGES and now that I'm back on writing, I can't stop it (can't stop thinking my stories either :'D)

Last thing I googled: A LOT of stable equipment (hayfork and how they actually look since there's SO MANY DAMN VERSIONS of them which differs from those what I used at home when we had horses like 20 years ago!)

Tagging @blood-and-pepper (you up for this? :D) and everyone else who wishes to do this! You can add me as your tagger! :)

Had to go to near by town's market to get food for birds and rabbits since there's going to be colder days up ahead. At the right shelve was older woman who asked me where birds "fat sticks" are since she can't find them (she was short). I showed her one, saying that these are the only ones.

She said that's exactly what she was looking for. She took it, saying she just can't watch birds not having food and that she still feeds them. I said I am there to buy food for birds and wild rabbits and hares too. We ended up talking about animals, how she feeds birds (like I do), what birds there are at her yard etc. She also said she has 2 year old cat. She described it: "It is SSSSOOOO SOFT! That long silky fur. It always sleeps in my lap and by my feet on the bed."

We ended up talking about cats and how we both have done the hard decision of putting our beloved cats down when was their time to go. She said she doesn't understand people who are mean to animals, abuse them etc. I said I don't get it either and that's one thing in life which pisses me off - a lot.

She then told me how she used to work as interleaver (at cowhouse). Once the owner had hit a cow without any reason and this granny had flared up at him. She had instantly tell him to give that branch to her so that she can hit him back. Never again did the man hit his cow in her presence at least. She said she's never been afraid to speak her mind and defend animals and I LOVE HER for that!

She coughed a lot at times, damning it. I asked if she has any allergies which could cause that and she looked at me laughing: "I am allergic to life." Ahaha, what a lady! :'D

We chatted some more until she started to cough more so I said I will let her leave and rest. Tho, I noticed she had olive oil in her cart so I added: "Perhaps take a sip of olive oil to moist your throat."

She laughed and said: "I will take big sips and oil myself." :'D

But honestly, what a woman! She was 83 years old and so wonderful personality based on this short conversation, ahah! I wish her all the very best! <3