The Appalling State of Darnassian Refugee Living Conditions

By Hazrie of Dalaran

A small group of Night Elves ironically mourn the loss of their home by starting a fire in another city.

By now, all have heard of the horrible loss of life from the burning of Teldrassil.  We ventured out to see how the refugees have been settling in to the various cities of the Alliance.

While more research is needed, it seems the majority of the Night Elves have chosen not to remain in Kalimdor and instead nearly all of them have gone to the most populated city in the Alliance, Stormwind.

Night Elves and Worgen litter the streets.  No housing or orderly living areas have been arranged.

We asked one Night Elf about the rations available for refugees.  Her reply was curt and dismissive. “I buy food.  I have a job.  I’ve lived in Stormwind for three years.  Leave me alone.”

Such a reply made us wonder, why haven’t they gone to Ironforge?  We made our way to the trams and found that Night Elves have indeed taken up residence in Deeprun.  However, none of them took the tram.  They simply were dwelling down there.

We tried to inform that there was a whole other, mostly empty city to be homeless in on the other side but he was hearing none of it. “I don’t trust this thing.  The way it screams when it comes to a stop terrifies me.”

Try as we might, we couldn’t get any of the elves to visit Ironforge.  We will keep a watch as things develop.

Newspaper Editor Hears the Voices of Angry Readers and Extremely Loud Non-Angry Readers

By Hazrie of Dalaran

Multiple reports have come in of the editors of various newspapers hearing the what their loudest readers have to say!

Give it a try and shout at your newspaper!

Disclaimer: This only works while within a 40-yard range and line-of-sight of the editors of crappy non-magical newspapers.

Illidan’s Perverse Tendencies Exposed

By Hazrie of Dalaran

Illidan Stormrage sulks in a corner, refusing to give up on his dreams of one day being with Tyrande Whisperwind despite the debauchery he’s filled his life with.

One of the most controversial individuals on Azeroth, Illidan Stormrage is either a hero or villain to those who know his name.

We at the Dalaran Daily have taken it upon ourselves to do some research into the lesser-known aspects of the first Demon Hunter’s life.  Specifically his numerous perversions and the disturbing daily routines he put his students through during their training to become Demon Hunters.

Illidan has only extended the knowledge of how to become Demon Hunters to other elves.  Of the numerous rumors as to why this could be, we at the Dalaran Daily feel that it is plainly obvious that Illidan sought out only individuals who fit his specific tastes.  Right from this we can begin to form the profile of those Illidan targeted for his disturbing training.

The vast majority of Demon Hunters were those who had lost their families in the wars against the Legion.  They were alone.  Few would care if they disappeared.  They were emotionally vulnerable and more likely to take the plunge into embracing Fel, something that they all know they could never turn back from.  These desperate elves were promised vengeance upon the Legion but they got far more than they had thought.

From the information we collected, joining the Illidari was much like joining a cult.  You were forced to distance yourself from what little friends and family you had left and forced to depend on Illidan for the Fel you need to sustain yourself.  Death was absolutely a risk for those whose loyalties questionable.  The indoctrination was intense, enough so that even to this day the majority of Illidari will not talk about their experiences in the Black Temple.

We have promised the few who did that their identities would remain secret and despite their openness about the things that happened to them in Outland, they continue to serve the Illidari, either out of fear or continued dedication to Illidan.

In many ways, the Illidari have a dress code.  It encourages the Demon Hunters to wear as little clothing as possible.  The vast majority of Illidari we spoke with haven’t worn a shirt in over ten years.  If it hasn’t been obvious to you, there simply aren’t unattactive Demon Hunters.  This is a very clear example of Illidan’s attempts to surround himself with as many scantily clad, beautiful elves as possible.  Illidan himself rarely wears more than a pair of pants.

A large number of Demon Hunters have been taught to see Illidan as a father figure of sorts.  At least half of the Illidari I spoke with consider him more of a father than their birthparent, some even going as far to call him Dad, Illidad, or Daddy Stormrage.  Others referring to him as shan’daddy, rather than shan’do, the traditional title for an honored teacher in Darnassian.

One of the Illidari I spoke with was eager to show me the tattoo on his lower back in Darnassian, translated into common it roughly read “Daddy’s Little Demon”.  I had thought this would be something that might reveal their identity to other Illidari readers, but such tattoos are apparently extremely common.

There is a strange sexual aspect to this son/daughter-father relationship.  Several Night Elves who I spoke with implied that it makes more sense in the context of Night Elf tradition while the Blood Elves I spoke with were very open about this being their fetish.

At this point in our investigation both me and my photographer were quite disgusted, so our investigations slowed drastically.  We did hear numerous stories of the slave-filled pleasure rooms inside of Black Temple and the excessive number of Succubi kept close to Illidan’s personal chambers, which might be just a roof.

Since his resurrection, Illidan has been interacting less so with the Illidari and more with the bulk of Azeroth’s defenders against the Legion.  We have heard several reports of long, private ‘strategy discussions’ between Illidan and Khadgar, though we’ve not yet gained any information about the content of these discussions.  We are focusing our investigations on Illidan’s current activities and can promise an article within the next few weeks on the topic.

((An OOC Post: Living Human Trash interrupts Memorial Day RP event.))

I’m taking off the RP hat here for a few moments to discuss a problem we have on our server.

The problem is quite simply RP trolls, griefers, harassers.  They’re all the same sort of people, intent on ruining your time for whatever reason.  

Sometimes they simply dislike RP entirely; some of them are a part of our community of RPers and are specifically targeting singular people, cliques, or guilds; and sometimes they are especially malicious individuals targeting people who LGBTQ RPers or RP.

Regardless of what their reasoning is, they are wrong.  What they’re doing is morally wrong and they are pieces of living human filth for doing so.  On top of all of that, it is entirely against Blizzard’s TOS.

Today a short but pleasant (other than the trolls) event was ran by some of the more active people in Wyrmrest Accord’s community.  A few small sets of trolls tried their best to grief the event into the ground and indeed ruined the experience for a number of people.

So I want to take a moment to highlight some of these terrible people who I saw today, along with their entire guilds who eagerly joined in on the griefing.  If these people affected your experience during the event, I strongly encourage you to report them.  At the end of the post I will leave a detailed guide on the ways in which I find Blizzard is most responsive to reports.

The first and possibly largest interruption to the event was a Pandaren named Nohara.  A lot of you may know her from her spamming Savage Snowballs at human-form Worgen characters to put them into combat, forcing them to shapeshift.

She spent the majority of the event spamming disruptive toys(Including Piccolo of Flaming Fire and the Moonfeather Statue) and yelling as well as using large mounts to obscure the screen of the people watching the event.

Secondly, Auradein.  He participated in the toy spam and did his best to place his character in the way of the event.

I feel it is important to point out that the guild he is in, The Thirteenth Crusade is a notorious trolling guild, specifically targeting LGBT RPers and characters.  These are possibly some of the most vile people on the Alliance.  They use RP mods like TRP3 and MRP to create toxic, terrible, racist, sexist and violent descriptions and tooltips.  Basically the WoW RP of edgy 14-year-olds making obnoxious forum signatures.

Auradein’s TRP was somewhat tame compared to the usually racist/islamophobic trash his guild usually displays.

Finally, Jade and some members of her guild Concordance contributed to the griefing with OOC chatter and abuse of the Dazzling Rod toy.

---

All of these people made an effort to ruin the times of other people attending this event and they all should be reported for griefing.  I want you all to know that ignoring them isn’t the way to handle this.  We can defend our server from  these people.  The tools Blizzard gives us to do so with are clunky but usable.  However, they will do nothing if we do not stand together in this.  Just one or two people reporting them is not enough.

Firstly, when reporting a griefer, you should whisper them politely, asking them to stop.  This whisper has a dual purpose.  It shows creates a timestamp for Blizzard to look into as well as helps them determine who is being reported(especially for people with special characters).  If they do stop, I leave it up to you as a judgement call to determine whether you should continue on with the report.  Them stopping doesn’t excuse their earlier actions.

Secondly, you should always right-click report the person.

Report them for cheating via right-clicking the portrait.  Explain in as much detail as you can what they did in the pop-up box.

If the person is spamming chat or using racist OOC language, right-click their name in the chat box to get the dropdown for that.

Now that you’ve done this, you can get to the meat of the report.

Hit escape and go to help.

Now hit Open a Ticket.  

Now hit Gameplay.

Scroll down and hit Report a player.

Hit Ongoing harassment.

Then this thing.

Now this.

It may prompt you to log in again.  Please don’t be deterred.

Finally you’re here.  There will be a large section at the top telling you to place the people on ignore.  Please do so.

Now just fill in the boxes.  Be as specific as you can.  Tell Blizzard who did what, how it affected you and how it affects the RP community.

This is the way we need to stand up against these bullies.  Stand together and we can cast them down.

---

Finally, I want to thank the kind people who continue to host events on the server despite these terrible trolls.  I love you.

Growth Potion Abuse Continues To Take Its Toll on Stormwind

By Hazrie of Dalaran

This sight may seem very much familiar to you.  An overly aggressive ten foot tall human male with no shirt, showing off the largest weapon he can carry in the middle of the city.  When most normal citizens see this they often will either ignore the stranger aspects of the person or ignore the person entirely.  This has gone so far that there is simply no support structure to help these poor souls in Stormwind

Today we would like to shed some light on the grim truth of addiction to growth potions, the most easily accessible and cheap drug available in any market or auction house.

The growth potions in question are usually one of three different types. Elixir of Giant Growth: An Elixir made from transformative compounds found in Deviate Fish and Earthroot.  Mass-produced by the Steamwheedle Cartel, this is the most available and widespread of the growth potions. Winterfall Firewater: A rare concoction made by tribes of furbolgs in Winterspring, formerly popular until the furbolgs were slain to near-extinction in the effort to obtain more of the potion for sale in auction houses. Darkmoon Firewater: A Darkmoon recreation of Winterfall Firewater.  The Darkmoon Faire refused to share any information on the ingredients or process used to make the stuff.  It seems more effective at actually increasing the strength of the user than the other two.

All three of these drugs share important attributes, allowing them to be used interchangeably by addicts.  Firstly, imbibers will of course grow several feet taller, their physical strength does not grow in proportion to their size.  Secondly, the imbiber is significantly more likely to have randomly aggressive outbursts and childlike tantrums.  Thirdly, long term use will result in the wasting away of their sanity, usually resulting in the adoption of a secondary persona to explain their size as genuine; humans claiming to be Vrykul is very popular.

Over the last few weeks of research, we’ve discovered a strange phenomenon.  Those who abuse these elixirs and potions most seriously are already quite tall.  Routinely well over six feet tall in the case of humans.

If you or one of your loved ones are suffering through addiction to these terrible substances, remember that there are places out there that can help.

My current suggestion is Addicts Agnonymous.  They have a free 67-step program to guarantee freedom from addiction within two years.  They can be found(since the fall of Gnomeregan) in the Forlorn Cavern of Ironforge.

A short look at the extensive corruption among the Kingdom of Stormwind’s nobles.

By Hazrie of Dalaran

We approached Count Remmington Ridgewell with the hopes of getting an interview.  Sadly, he just stared forward in silence, a possible defense mechanism to prevent accidentally releasing incriminating information.

Anyone with minor knowledge of recent history can tell you that the 'upper crust’ of the human societies has a trend of succumbing to the temptations of evil.  

Practically every aristocrat in Alterac was a demon cultist towards the end of their kingdom’s history.  Sometimes it’s just a singular, monstrous individual who ruined things for everyone, as was the case of Lordaeron.  It will likely only be a short time before Possible Dreadlord Jaina Proudmoore is revealed to be the ultimate force of evil from Kul Tiras; thankfully Khadgar kicked her out of Dalaran before it was too late.

The Kingdom of Stormwind seems to be taking a more similar approach to Alterac in generating its lackluster gentry with one slight twist: the royal family is somehow the least evil, at least for the time being.

Stormwind has found itself in a position where its reasonably-sized portions of land have been broken up into thousands of small properties.  Each of which seems to entitle the owner to some sort of noble title.

There are two very negative results to this.

Firstly: the broken, poorly defended lands are rife with corruption, including the owners of the land themselves.  Only just recently the most affluent family in Duskwood, the Ebonlockes, were found to be demon cultists.  They cultured their own little cult in Duskwood, succeeding in sacrificing a good portion of Darkshire’s population before they were caught.  Somehow this eluded Stormwind’s secret intelligence organization, SI:7, for several years.

A photo of the street sign directing random people to the base of Stormwind’s secret intelligence organization.

Secondly: this chaotic clusterfuck of nobility leaves Stormwind vulnerable to random outsiders grabbing for power, most famously an evil dragon.  Lady Katrana Prestor, also known as Deathwing’s daughter, nearly destroyed Stormwind singlehandedly. Looking back, we can easily see how she manipulated Stormwind’s masons and the House of Nobles into creating the riots that lead to the former Queen’s death.  

That’s just the start of the madness and chaos caused by one person.  If you want to read more about this, please look for recent history books in Dalaran’s library.  Stormwind’s likely isn’t dependable.

These days there are hundreds of ‘nobles’ drifting around Stormwind, demanding some sort of respect as they secretly work evil magic, worship Old Gods or the Legion.

If you happen to meet these people, pay them no heed.  They have no true power.  Just as the nobles of the past, they are the greatest scum of the Alliance and almost certainly traitors anyway.  

Keep your eyes out for anyone claiming to be a Lord or Lady.  That’s how you know.

How’s the Horde: Interactive Public Execution, the New Trend?

By Sezaji Honeyhoof

"The Horde saw another victory that day!" -Glashka, loyal warrior of the Horde.

After hearing the rumors of the recent execution, we sought out some of the people involved in organizing what some call ‘Orgrimmars Most Exciting Execution Ever’.  What we found was unexpected.

We managed to track down Glashka, a loyal Orc of the Horde.  She told us the of the events that lead up to the legendary execution.

Glashka and her close friend Lok’maw were originally not seeking Legion Agents, but simply investigating terrible illness among the animals and orcs of the Barrens.

In their searching they found a series of symbols ritually placed in the plains of the Barrens.  Not being adept in such magics, they came to Orgrimmar seeking aid.

They were joined by Softpaw the Scholar, Abbri the Priestess, Nyxos the Inquisitor and Ric the Forsaken.

Together, the heroes tracked the fel residue of the ritual site back to a local hermit named Goltarg.  Glashka knew Goltarg as a soft spoken and patient medicine man.

Initially, Goltarg refused any involvement and Glashka refused to believe him capable of such things.  After some investigation the heroes found a large amount of evidence of his guilt, including sacrificed animals, a book of summoning and more fel residue.  It seemed he was storing energy for rituals.

The priestess and inquisitor easily defeated the warlock in a battle of magic and the inquisitor forced him to admit his allegiance to the Legion.

Via bat, Glashka and Lok’maw brought Goltarg to Orgrimmar, seeking a proper executioner to end his life for the glory of the Horde.

Before they could find one, the warlock regained consciousness and began shouting his allegiance aloud to all of Orgrimmar.  A crowd quickly grew around them, angered by his claims that they all would die by the hands of the Legion.

Many onlookers mentioned a Forsaken man shouting “Rip him apart!”, which set the entire crowd upon Goltarg.

Glashka retold the event simply. "I cannot count the number of daggers and blades that tore the cultist apart.  I think a few even braved personal injury to use their bare hands."

All that was left behind were the bloody smears of blood in the sands of the Valley of Honor.  When all thought it was over, the fel-infused blood came to life, attacking the crowd, but even that easily dispatched by the enraged gathering of Horde.

Glashka offered a final statement on the execution. "The Horde stood together as one.  We were all executioners that day."

Hopefully, this will serve as a lesson to all who serve the Legion.  They will be destroyed.

The Kirin Tor Issues Reminder To Avoid Dark Forces

By Hazrie of Dalaran

Only seconds after hearing the news of newly gathered groups of dark spellcasters Khadgar had a raging outburst of kinkshaming.

In the battle against the Legion, many steps have been taken to assure our victory.  We have sided with the Illidari as well as Warlocks and Priests of less reputable worship.

However, these alliances are only engaged in out of absolute necessity.  The powers these individuals wield are dangerous, corrupting and morally wrong.

This past week the Kirin Tor has heard several rumors of a coven of spellcasters of ill repute gathering in Stormwind.  

Despite the Alliance’s recently loosening of laws allowing such individuals to gather, the Kirin Tor strongly advises all individuals to keep away from individuals like these who may try to spread their dangerous knowledge and terrible skills.

No matter how tame their views and actions are, what they are doing is wrong and potentially deadly to everyone around them.

[@thecoven-wra​]