Hold my fucking hand
A BakuDeku story in which you are Bakugou’s best friend, and try to help him out with his little (huge) crush.
Bakugou’s face as he saw you standing outside, leaning onto a light post at the entrance of UA, was almost worth your trip there. Almost. Almost worth the two hour bus ride, and the long walk through the cold, snowy Friday afternoon. You saw him roll his eyes to the back of his head and grunt, one of his classic friendly greetings, as he walked towards you anyways.
“(name)? What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Nice to see you too”
It had been a long while since you saw each other. You used to be neighbors as kids, but then you moved out and visits weren’t really often. Your mother tried to console you saying technology was a miracle, that you will still be able to chat through your phones. But there was little technology could do if Bakugou didn’t ever answer your texts.
“So…what’s bothering you?” You started the talking, of course, as you both made your way to his home. He still lived at the same house he did back when you were children, and you were certain the walk wasn’t long enough to have this conversation. Which, you knew, it wouldn’t be easy.
“Why would something be bothering me?”
“You’ve been avoiding me” You said “You always avoid me when you are conflicted”
His answer was a mere click of his tongue, which you really didn’t mind. Since, with Bakugou, that was the closest to acceptance one could ever get. The streets were covered in ice, but it wasn’t snowing anymore. It wasn’t a coincidence you felt more confident than ever; let’s just say winter made your quirk more comfortable. You smiled, looking around at the streams of dark, grey smoke coming from the chimney of the neighborhood’s every house, feeling the power at the tip of your fingers.
Sitting down on a bench, you patted the empty space next to you. With overly- displayed annoyance, Bakugou complied, crossing his arms and looking forwards at the park, which just happened to be where you used to play together as kids.
You couldn’t help but smile, remembering all the children making a circle together, joining hands; and a certain blond, bad-tempered kid being left out. No one wanted to hold his hand, of course. Who would risk getting his fingers damp in nitroglycerine? In the end, you ditched the game as well to play with him, so that he wasn’t alone. That reckless, foul-mouthed boy, whose hand nobody wished to hold.
You sighed, opening your bag and lighting up a cigarette, earning quite a disapproving look from your friend.
“You’re still into that crap?” He growled, wrinkling his nose.
You chuckled, blowing a mouthful of smoke at his face. He closed his eyes to block it but it never got to him, and as he opened his eyes, he saw the words FUCK OFF written on the air in dark nicotine clouds.
For once, Bakugou couldn’t help but chuckle.
From then on, the conversation went pretty lightly. Even though he still didn’t seem to be willing to talk about whatever was bugging him, you still had a lot of other stuff to catch up on. The afternoon was long, the park was full of memories, and you both enjoyed each other’s familiar, bittersweet company, as he watched you use your quirk to draw patterns with the exhales of your smoke.
“Kacchan?”
A timid voice interrupted your chatter, and you looked up to see a short, freckled guy staring at you suspiciously. You arched a brow, and he immediately looked away, focusing on Bakugou instead. Somehow, he seemed vaguely familiar.
“What the fuck do you want, Deku?”
Deku? Was that the Deku? Bakugou’s other childhood friend? That guy that had gotten his quirk out of “no fucking where” and that had beat him in many of his classes? That Deku?
“I was just passing by, I saw you here and I thought I should say hi” He stammered “Sorry, I didn't realize you were talking to…”
“(name)” You introduced yourself “It's ok, nice to meet you. I heard lots about you"
“You did?”
“Ye-ouch!” You felt someone pinch the side of your body, and you turned to look at Bakugou with a scowl “Hey! What the-"
“Fuck off, Deku. You interrupted us"
Deku shrugged it off, as if he were used to being told to fuck off on a daily basis, and waved with a polite grin. However, as he looked at you, the smile didn't seem quite genuine.
“Ok...see you on Monday, Kacchan”
And, as suddenly as he got there, he left.
It didn't even take you five seconds into his absence to realize what was going on.
“Oh my, are you blushing?” You teased, taking another inhale of your cigarette.
“What?? Fuck no! It's the cold! You are red too!” Bakugou snapped, only corroborating your suspicions.
“You like him, don't you?”
Oh, just how funny it was to get in his nerves. You knew him way too well.
“What the fuck is fucking wrong with you, you fuck??” cold + a crush + anger management issues gave him the reddest face you had ever seen another human deal with “You are fucking nuts!”
“Remember that time when we were five? When that Joe kid had that toy All Might you wanted and since you couldn't have it you blew it to pieces?
“What does that even have to fucking do with this??”
You chuckled, always willing to laugh at his anger.
“It's the same with Deku! You are always mean to what you love, cause you hate the effect it has on you"
“What is that supposed to mean??”
You smirked, blowing a big cloud of smoke that turned into a heart before it dispelled on his face.
He seemed to get the memo.
“Oh hell no!”
“Hell yes" You elbowed his side “Admit it, you have a crush”
Never, in all of your years of friendship, had you seen him look so genuinely conflicted. So genuinely vulnerable. For a fragment of second there was something but a frown on his expression, and all because of that green-haired boy.
“Fuck”
Bakugou cursed under his breath, repeating in his mind all the tips you had given him. Although you had insisted he shouldn’t learn all the steps by heart, he had done anyways. He didn’t trust himself for these stuff.
STEP 1: TAKE SOME INITIATIVE. He needs to feel like you care, make him feel wanted! Ask him to see you outside from school.
And that’s exactly what he’d done. Sort of. As soon as classes were over on Monday, he had detached Deku from his group of friends with a single pull and forced him to walk with him.
“Where are we going?” His victim had asked, oblivious.
“To get some fucking ice cream”
STEP 2: LISTEN TO HIM. Your emotionally unstable butt keeps making fun of him all the time. Show him you care about his interests!
That was harder to achieve. He wasn’t that good of a listener, nor a good actor, and he didn’t trust himself to seem interested enough in whatever Deku had to say. Casual conversations weren’t his strongest point.
“Oh, remember that friendly tournament we had with other schools last week?” Thankfully, he didn’t have to think of a starter. As they both approached the nearest ice cream parlour, it was Deku who broke the silence “I met this guy with the coolest quirk! He could control steam! It sounds lame at first but he used it in such interesting ways! Do you know what he did? He used people’s own breath against them!”
“What the fuck? Is that possible!?”
“Yeah! He explained me how he did it!” He said, opening his backpack and searching for something enthusiastically “Look! I wrote it down on my hero notebook”
Bakugou skimmed through it, as best as he could as he walked down a busy street. Something about it seemed vaguely familiar.
“It kind of reminds me of (name)”
“That girl from last Friday?”
“Yeah, she controls smoke. It doesn’t work with steam because it needs to come from combustion. It works with cigs though” He shrugged “We used to team up when we were kids. Explosions and smoke. We owned the fucking neighbourhood”
“Wow, she sounds...pretty cool too”
Bakugou kept going through Deku’s notes as they reached the shop. There was a short queue in front of them, so he took the time to properly read some of the hero biographies, and he even asked Deku some questions. Which he seemed more than happy to answer.
“And did you know that Midnight could possibly make someone sleep for three days in a row if they were exposed to her skin long enough??”
He couldn’t believe he hadn’t ask Midoriya about his investigations before...that was actually really useful information!
Were those really the same notebooks he had ruined back in middle school?
“Welcome boys!” The lady at the counter interrupted them “May I take your order?”
After they both had paid, they went to find a table outside. Everything was going way too smoothly by then, but things weren’t really moving along. And Bakugou wasn’t really a patient person.
STEP 3: BE KIND. He won’t really know you like him if you keep treating him like poop. Be nice! Tell him what you truly think about him.
“Oi, Deku” He said, with his spoon hanging from his mouth. How could he possibly tell him he was impressed by his improvement as a hero? “You are not the worst pathetic wimp I've ever seen"
Ok, that was progress.
“Uhm...thanks?”
“And your quirk doesn't suck” He kept trying, running out of ideas, trying to go through your advice and think of something nice to say “And casts somehow look badass on you"
“Are you... feeling ok, Kacchan?”
No, he was clearly not. He was confused and flustered and so very angry. Why was he always so angry? Why did Deku make him so angry?
STEP 4: TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL
“You make me so fucking mad” He said, feeling his ice cream begin to melt in his hand “So, so mad"
Deku shrunk on his seat, confused, playing with his dessert without really eating it.
“I know I know, sorry, I just…”
“No! You don't know. You don't have a motherfucking clue!” Bakugou grabbed his own head “People always make me mad! I'm mad at their attitude, at their stupid faces and words, at their snobbishness! But you...you are different" He said, clicking his tongue in frustration “You make me angry at myself”
There was a short silence, in which not even the snowy winter air could help his engines cool down. He was so fucking stupid. You had said that, by that step of the list, Deku would have already noticed his romantic intentions. If he hadn't said anything about it by then it was obvious he wasn't interested.
“I'm...sorry" there it was, the rejection “I didn't mean to make you feel that way"
“Shut up" Fury didn't really feel like fury for him anymore. It was starting to soften, to burn in such a different way “Of course you didn’t fucking mean it”
“Is there...anything I could do? To make you feel better?”
“Hold my hand" He blurted out, senseless.
“What?”
“Hold my fucking hand for one fucking second, fuck!”
He extended his arm almost violently, palm upwards, fingers open.
Deku looked seriously conflicted.
“But...wouldn't (name) get mad?”
“What the hell does (name) have to do with this!?” He screamed.
“Well, since you two are dating, I thought that…”
“WHAT THE FUCK?? WE ARE NOT FUCKING DATING, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. WHY WOULD I ASK YOU ON A FUCKING DATE IF I WERE???”
“WAIT THIS IS A DATE???”
That was the last straw.
He had to stand up. He was pretty sure that, if he happened to stay one more second at that damn place, he would blow up the bench, the ice cream parlor, or even maybe the entire block. He could feel his face heating up, his forehead soaking. And that wasn’t a really good indicator for someone who sweats nitroglycerin.
He had to leave, he had to leave fast.
“Wait, Kacchan!”
Yet, before he could flee that new-found, so much bitter side of anger, there was a hand holding his, keeping him in place.
It was cold. Cold, frozen fingers gripping his own, numbing the boiling heat of his blood, his sweat, his chest. A chill slid down his back and into his gut, and as he looked up to meet Deku’s eyes, he suddenly wasn’t so angry anymore.
“Uhm, if this is was a date...then I guess I behaved pretty badly” He said, squeezing his hand a little “Can I at least walk you home?”
Bakugou blinked, confused, feeling so weak and off-guard without his fury, without his everlasting rage to keep him standing. Now, for the first time, he felt empty. Vulnerable. And he didn’t understand the emotions beginning to take place instead.
He nodded, and he must have looked quite odd, because Deku seemed more concerned about the expression on his face, rather than the flammable substance now damping both of their hands.
Later that afternoon, you got out of the shower and saw you had a text from Bakugou on your phone.
“What’s step 5???”
You smiled, assuming everything had gone according to plan, and immediately texted him back:
“Use protection ;)”
You could easily picture him blowing his phone to pieces.
