tumblr is simple. I log on. I reblog pretty pictures. I see the most insane opinion a human being can have. I log off

throwback to that one time tumblr just wanted me to know

i love how there's the genre of fix-it fic where the author goes into great granular detail of how our heroes manage to avoid or undo whatever character death or other unpopular choice occurred, in a way that abides by the laws of the fictional universe and definitely required a substantial plot outline, and then there are fix-it fics where the author just went "that's bullshit and didn't happen," and we as readers all go "agreed. carry on."

You can really sense the tumblr userbase aging

i would buy officially licensed tumblr shoelaces staff really missed out on a golden opportunity with their new merch store

tumblr is a site that, by tradition, you do not discuss using in public, let alone plaster on your body. however the subtlety of shoelaces combined with the comedy of the Bit would make that specific item worth it

@staff @officialstaff

We're exclusively selling them to the president. If you want them you'll have to get them the hard way.

yeah so i dont have an explanation for this one just take it

another thing abt reigen is that he’s a conman who thinks if you don’t provide some kind of useful service to the people who hire you than you don’t deserve respect as a conman. which is an objectively hilarious ethical position for a conman to take.

NO LITTLE GERMAN BOY DO NOT CREATE A TUMBLR ACCOUNT!!!

there are many benefits to being a marine biologist

[ID: A TikTok by kotjcosplay. A Deadpool cosplayer runs through a parking lot, holding Captain America’s shield and singing to the tune of “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” “Here comes the consequence, consequence, consequence, consequences of my actions, chasing me right now!” The camera pans to reveal a Captain America cosplayer is chasing after him. The Deadpool cosplayer continues to sing as he runs, “I don’t want no consequence, consequence, consequence, I don’t want no consequences chasing me right now!” As the Captain America cosplayer gets closer, his singing speeds up and becomes more frantic: “Someone take this consequence, consequence, consequence, someone take this consequence that’s chasing me right now!” By the final verse, he’s more yelling than singing as he says in a rush, “Jesus take this consequence, consequence, consequence, Jesus take this consequence that’s chasing me right now!” The video cuts off on his scream. /End ID]

These pictures are killing me

As the staff post about ad-free tumblr continues to get thousands of notes telling staff to fuck off in the tags, I wanna remind you that this website's days are numbered. Tumblr is still unprofitable and by some modern-day miracle none of its acquiring companies pulled the plug on this money pit. But it will happen if it continues its trajectory.

Whether you like it or not, Tumblr needs to make money off you somehow in order to stay up. It either serves ads or asks for money to use it. This has been a paradigm on the web longer than many of you have been alive. It's Tumblr's job to make money right now because it's well past its grace period of being a black hole for cash. This has actually always been Tumblr's job, since it is a corporation, but that's capitalism for ya.

If you want Tumblr to be here for free and you want to continue to use it, you do yourself a disservice by opposing any changes Tumblr makes in order to pay for its costs. When this site finally goes belly-up then you're gonna be Tumblr-less until whatever startup takes its place and the cycle repeats itself.

If you think it should just ask for donations Wikipedia-style, remember that if and when that happens, there will be users repeating the same tired bullshit about giving Tumblr any money.

just a reminder in case you missed it directly from the current CEO of Tumblr:

I can’t imagine the balls it takes to be a Russian anti-war protester right now. Good for them.

#i hope they’re being safe and careful 

Right now, holding up a sign in St. Petersburg condemning this war is the textbook definition of “neither safe nor careful.”

But they’re proving to anybody in Russia who thought they were the only ones who opposed this war, that they’re not, and reminding the rest of the world that a government is not the people it claims to represent, and I am deeply moved by their courage.

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

Radish. Answer the question radish.

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

Its takes less than a minute

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

Like seven minutes

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.