The "Sephiroth's Wedding" Prank
Lazard is sitting at his desk while Sephiroth dials up Hojo's phone number for him. Angeal, Genesis and Zack are all standing around, watching as the phone starts ringing. Lazard presses it to his ear and waits for Hojo to pick up. On the fifth ring, the professor's grating voice answers.
Hojo: Professor Hojo speaking.
Lazard: Good evening, this is James from Bloomwood Event Planning. I'm calling on behalf of Sephiroth to confirm your presence at the wedding next weekend.
*There's a pause, Sephiroth has to slap his hand over his mouth to contain his snort*
Hojo: I beg your pardon? What are you on about, you imbecile? How dare you disturb me while I am working.
Lazard: You heard me correctly, sir. You were sent an invitation a month ago, and I'm calling to confirm your invite.
Lazard: Sephiroth's wedding, of course.
*There's another long pause. Zack has to leave Lazard's side so that he doesn't make any noise*
Hojo: Clearly there has been a mistake. There is no possibility that Sephiroth would ever waste his time on marriage, let alone copulate and breed with another being without my expressed approval.
Lazard: Am I to understand that you won't be in attendance? Is that what I should tell the couple?
Lazard: Ah, forgive me. The correct term is polycule.
*There's another incredibly long pause, Genesis is quietly laughing while Angeal shushes him*
Lazard: Sir? Sir, are you still there?
Hojo: Which individuals are involved in this⏤in this⏤filth?
Lazard: Why, Sephiroth is set to marry Genesis Rhapsodos and Angeal Hewley, of course.
Lazard: They're a very happy trio⏤
Hojo: How could he do this to me?
Hojo: His apparent attraction towards the same sex is useless on its own, but Hollander's brats!?
Hojo: It was the visibly homosexual one with the red coat who coerced him, wasn't it?
*Genesis sinks and curls into a ball on the floor, Sephiroth is in tears as he covers his mouth, Angeal is in the corner laughing, and Zack is grinning as he listens intently*
Lazard: I can assure you that they are very much in love, Professor. I'm fortunate enough o have gained their trust, making me privy to the extent of their dynamic.
*Sephiroth is quickly writing it all down for Lazard to read*
Lazard: Yes, Angeal claims that Sephiroth is a very obedient and perfectly submissive partner.
Lazard: He and Genesis take very good care of him. The last time they swung by my office to discuss some last-minute details, Sephiroth was on a leash.
Lazard: Sir, are you there?
Hojo: I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
*Genesis, still on the ground, grabs Sephiroth's leg and makes Sephiroth lose it. He crouches to the ground too, laughing under the desk*
Lazard: Do you need me to call for emergency services?
Hojo: THIS ISN'T HIM. SUCH A POSITION IS BENEATH HIM. I DID NOT MAKE HIM TO TAKE ON SUCH AN APPALLING ROLE.
Lazard: No, no, I'm positive that it was him. They were here with their son.
Hojo: THEIR WHAT? WHO? THEY HAVE A CHILD? HOW?
*Zack starts frantically pointing at himself*
Lazard: Oh, you haven't heard? They formally adopted Angeal's mentee, Zack, and are now his parents.
*There's a loud sound of something falling from the other end, along with a commotion as multiple voices of lab technicians start speaking at the same time*
Lazard: Professor? Professor Hojo?
Sephiroth: I think we killed him.
