Rant About Stuff I Care About + How My Beliefs Have Changed

I’m now basically just as frustrated with the gender critical/radical feminist community as I often am with the vegan community (of which I am a member), because both really suck at effective activism and don’t seem to care.

You know what is one of the worst forms of activism you can do for veganism is? Calling meat eaters murders while chanting “meat is murder” at them. You know what’s another? Lying to them about nutrition or ethics or anything else related to veganism.

You know what is one of the worst ways to advocate for gender abolition? Let me list some:

All this shit just makes us look like assholes, just like vegans who protest steakhouses on their busiest nights asking why the patrons aren’t eating dog meat makes vegans look like weird douchebags (and yes, this does happen).

I have been a part of rad fem and gender crit circles for a very long time, and it seems like a lot of people don’t even care about activism and only care about being assholes. This isn’t all gender critical people or radical feminists, obviously, but it really seems like the community has lost sight of what they claim to care about in favor of doubling down on making trans people feel like shit for no reason. As if that helps the cause at all.

Activism is NOT about you being right and everyone else being wrong and you loudly proclaiming that to the world. That’s ego and nothing else. Activism is about opening up effective means of communication, it’s about education on BOTH sides and willingness to learn and be wrong sometimes, it’s about knowing how to advocate for your side effectively and in a way that not only reaches people but doesn’t turn them away the minute you start talking. Effective activism brings more people in than it turns away. It works with the way people are and the way they think, not the way you wish they worked or how you wished they thought.

And if you care about gender abolition but don’t care if your method of activism for it is effective at all…then why are you advocating for it at all? Do you think we’re just going to get there eventually and that effort and arguing effectively doesn’t matter at all? Is that how you think social change really works? I truly don’t understand the people who put so much effort into their ideology and yet refuse to consider whether their activism is helping or hurting the cause. Hint: if you’re turning away 10 people for every 2 people you convince, that’s shitty activism.

And that’s my biggest frustration right now with this community. We could be doing so much better than we are and yet we’re too stubborn to change at all if it meant we could be doing better. There are many trans people who are gender abolitionists themselves, and yet instead of allying with them we belittle and mock their existence, therefore turning them away as well as all of their allies, and for what reason?

So, to the anon that keeps popping up in my anons asking for specifics about how my beliefs have changed: they’ve changed enough that I no longer identify as gender critical or with the radical feminist movement at large. I am still anti cotton ceiling and pro sensible gender abolition, but I care more about trying to ally with people than I do about driving people away. I can’t personally be comfortable anymore calling myself a member of these communities. I want to distance myself from this behavior because I am so sick of it. What do I care if someone’s chromosomes don’t perfectly align with how they feel about themselves or how they want to be seen in society? I can still address them how they’d like to be addressed and respect them in who they are. I don’t have to go out of my way to police the language they use for themselves or do something to trigger their dysphoria. And anyone who says that these things are required for gender abolition can come into my inbox and personally explain to me why.

If you’re a rad fem who doesn’t do any of the things I talked about above, I don’t have beef with you. I’m not saying its wrong to be a radical feminist at all, but if you are going to call yourself one then I hope you care about actually making a difference and not just hurting people’s feelings. /rant

straight people: Should You Even Enjoy Your Spouse’s Company?

If your spouse isnt your favorite person you need a different spouse

This person is what I want to be as a parent.

gender is as real or ask fake as you want it to be and if to you gender is fake then that’s fine but don’t push that ideal on others? like idk bc to some people like finally realizing their identities means a lot to them

Unless someone is telling you their gender is real then you must accept their reality and NOT what you believe uwu

gender is definitely real (because no one is saying social constructs are fake), what isn’t real is people having an innate gender that is completely divorced from their embodied reality in a world that assigns gender in accordance to our bodies and subsequently treats us as such gender because of how our bodies are read lmao

Excerpt:

things literally everyone, regardless of gender, looks good in:

•battle armor

•blood of your enemies

•flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up

This post went from zero to ten back to zero real fast

this is horrifying

Wtf

That is fucking twisted

I’m so tired

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

Related Reading:

GOP Tax Cuts Could Cost Seniors in the Long Run.

mariah carey threw the first glass of champagne at stonewall

http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2017-10-19/domestic-violence-shelters-filled-with-homeless-women/9063860?pfmredir=sm

No means no. Respect the boundaries of lesbians.

my bodily autonomy > your fee fees

you don’t have to be more attractive. you don’t have to be attractive at all. you don’t have to attract anyone or anything. you are not a magnet, damn it. you should be you for you and only you. and yes I am talking about you and you and you.  

This is pretty political, but it's really important.

This doesn’t have to do with art. Sorry. Also it’s long.

To everyone who told me I “couldn’t judge them” or that I “don’t know them” or that “they seem like really good people” or that you “think it’s working for them,” well, the jig is up, the news is out, and the Duggars’ story is, as expected, one of tragedy, abuse, and neglect.

This is not an isolated incident. This is not unusual. This is not a tragic abnormality. This is not a fluke. This is not a perversion of a beautiful system. This is not an exceptional dysfunction.

To me and many others, this is not a surprise.

For a long time, many have looked at the Duggars and, though recognizing them as odd or anachronistic, have given tacit approval to their lifestyle by not only saying nothing, but by supporting the family’s rise in the public eye. Whether through genuine care or mere curiosity, we have collective pointed to the Duggars and said, “we accept this as a passably happy and healthy lifestyle.” But what some of us always knew and what more are now hopefully seeing is that the lifestyle that these people have chosen leads invariably to heartache and pain that lasts a lifetime.

The Duggars are part of the Quiverfull movements and follow Bill Gothard’s teachings on morality, education, religion, and discipline. This system inherently promotes specific neglect and abuse and opens the door for much more nuanced transgressions to work their way into the family. I won’t give an exhaustive view here, but there a few obvious ones that bear mentioning.

The first is neglect. In a world where families are encouraged to, above all else, “be fruitful and multiply” without regard for resources or circumstances, many parents quickly outnumber themselves, forcing them to rely on elder children, often at a very tender age themselves. While this may sound alright, it quickly becomes a system of passing younger children off onto barely older ones. These older children then function as full-fledged parents, neglected their own education, physical wellbeing,and interests to care for children only barely younger than themselves.

Secondly, education is frequently neglected or twisted in accordance with their beliefs. One of the ugliest things about this movement is that the very nature of education is modified to keep kids and young adults from being capable of leaving it. That’s not speculation or exaggeration; that’s an inherent goal. In some cases – the most successful cases – it seems as though the children in these families are intelligent, well-round students, but what people forget is that if you spend enough time reading enough books, you will sound very smart, but that in no way prepares a person for a world full of living, breathing, changing people. Being unable to understand or relate to people at all – let alone people their own age – means that kids that grow up in this knowledge quarantine must either stay in the movement forever or spend years unlearning and relearning the differences, mistakes, and outright lies they spent an entire childhood and adolescence learning.

Third, this system teaches complete lack of independence. This is especially true where women and girls are concerned, but it is still a significant detriment to men and boys as well. Every single decision is made, ultimately, by to patriarch of the household, from the clothes on your back down to jobs, education, cars, and spouses. This does not end with childhood, but continues until at least marriage and often beyond. In a world where a 23 year old’s texts are screened by both parents, personal autonomy and responsibility are unknowable concepts.

With each of these problems come severe social and professional handicaps and deep, lasting psychological wounds, and should be enough reason in their own right to condemn this system. The worst thing that comes of this isolation, however, is the crippling isolation that comes from living in such a world that insists that the everyone outside of the microcosm is Untouchable. Relationships, friendships, and even casual associations are forbidden on the grounds that such contact could “influence” and contaminate a mind, making a person susceptible to deviation from the standard. This mindset leads to internalized fear and loathing of others and makes stepping out of the circle incredibly difficult. Add to that the learned behavior of constantly acting and lying to present a positive, unified face of the movement and to hide the abuses at home, and you get a deeply ingrained inability to get close to people at all. Many others things can be learned or relearned, but after spending your formative years learning to keep people at arms’ length, it is nearly impossible to open yourself up to people and have deep, meaningful relationships.

I spent a long time in this movement. People I love spent lifetimes in it. Some are still there. The very nature of it teaches authority figures that it is not only acceptable, but helpful to impose incredible amount of pressure and abuse on subordinates in order to build “faith” and “character.” The very nature of it then teaches victims to hide that abuse with an effectiveness that few systems can manage. The very nature of it sets up not just a family unit, but an entire society that supports, nurtures, and enforces these behaviors. The entire nature of it draws both people who feel the urge to oppress others and people who crave a sense of community and belonging, sucking them all in and intwining them in the most damaging way possible for all parties. It gives bad people power and it convinces good people that abuse is acceptable and even admirable.

Countless lives have been wrecked by this movement. Countless hearts broken, bodies ravaged, souls parched, and minds wasted by this movement. These are not happy families. These are not healthy families. Stop smiling indulgently. Stop watching curiously. Stop tuning in passively. Stop. Just stop. This is a sick, twisted system that does nothing but cause pain to everyone involved. Don’t be a part of it.

The statute of limitations for Josh Duggar’s crimes has long expired. The only good and healing that can come from this is opening people’s eyes to the horrors of this weird, twisted little world. Hopefully, the kids that want out will find a way out and, hopefully, TLC and their viewers will stop funding this blatant abuse. But justice for these girls, like so many before them and so many to come, will never be served because the Duggars and their cohorts covered up the molestation of their own daughters to avoid the public shame it might bring to them and their movement.

I know what I’m talking about because dear friends were married off to people they barely knew before they had their GED. I know what I’m talking about because a girl I saw every week killed herself because she couldn’t handle the responsibility of raising her siblings. I know what I’m talking about because so many girls I knew were molested and no one said anything. I know what I’m talking about because I was too afraid to speak up. I know what I’m talking about because I learned to be a skillful liar. I know what I’m talking about because I am incapable of fully trusting people, because my brain tells me that everyone had to learn the same skills I did.

I know what I’m talking about because I lived it.

Please do not support the Duggars. Please do not make excuses for the Duggars. Please do not think that the Duggars are an isolated incident. Please do not believe that the Duggars are an exception to the rule.

I know what I’m talking about because this was my world. And it was hell.