Yes you will be goo. But even that analogy doesn’t fully express how difficult it is to be the goo.
Turning your current defense mechanisms to goo means opening yourself to feelings that have seemed unsafe. It can also mean facing harsh realities as you open yourself up to the honest truth of how bad things were. And then it kinda hurts all over in a different way.
It will be the worst mental state of your life until your brain rewires itself with boundaries, healthy coping mechanisms, and accepts the fact that you are safe now. And part of the reason you will succeed is because through this process you’ll learn how to keep yourself safer. How to recognize red flags. How to listen to your body when it’s telling you that something is off.
This is also why it’s heavily encouraged that you Not push yourself farther than you can handle. It’s why therapists make sure you know breathing exercises and have a support system before they talk about your deepest traumas.
You can’t walk into this kind of thing without at least something to fall back on when things get difficult, because they will get difficult.
You can’t become a butterfly if you don’t know how to get passed being goo first.
But I see where I’ve come from and I’d never let myself or anyone else be treated that way. It makes me sad to think that I ever thought I deserved so little. That I surrounded myself with people who didn’t truly care for me just because I didn’t know better or thought I didn’t deserve better or didn’t want to believe they were hurting me on purpose.
…And I would never go back to that. I would never accept that again.
And that means, even though I’m still goo, it’s working. And that means I won’t ever be that unsafe again. So being goo for bit? Its worth every tear and flutter of anger and helplessness and vulnerability.
Healing is hard, but it’s not as hard as being traumatized.
And you survived that for this long, right?
It’ll be hard, but you’ll be okay.