dear lover

I’m assuming you’re dogs extremely tiny and that’s why him acting tough is hilarious?  

You're exactly right. He’s a small little thing.

Hatchi is such a cute name for such a cute little dog. What breed is he?

Why the fuck did you call your dog Hatchi?

The ex I got him with sneezed and bada bing the name was born.

It’s quite funny watching my small dog, Hatchi run, he’s running as if he’s a tough dude, I shouldn’t laugh but I do, he’s just a funny little dude. 

So it’s nearly been a week since I arrived in LA and I am in dire need of some homesickness tips.

When I’m in the US for a long period of time I go out and get frozen yogurt. It helps a lot. 

You know it’s not your day when you literally almost trip on a banana peel.

I’ve done that once, it’s not as funny as people seem to make out it is.

Lately, I’ve been on this real baby fever kick. I don’t know if my biological clock just started ticking prematurely, or if the engagement has sparked my loving family fantasies or if my friends just keep having adorable children and making me spend too much time in Target’s baby section. But I’ve been wanting a baby and feeling this pit in my stomach when I see them out on the street or watch videos of my sweet goddaughter from home. And then today, I see a mom dragging her child out by his arm as he was cursing up a storm at her from the grocery store and just like that - the clock stilled and I was suddenly so grateful I was twenty one and childless. Hopefully this means baby wanting is cured for at least another year.

I relate to this all too much. My cousin has a kid and I can’t help but get the baby fever. Then half of my old friends back home are getting pregnant and I’m sitting here asking when is it my turn.

Round one - Paper Planes by M.I.A - song here - Outfit is a band tee and jeans. Round two - Aint Your Mama by Jennifer lopez - song here - Outfit will be similar to what Jennifer Lopez wears at the end but at the start it will be a dress and it rips off.

Yes! We have! How’s your vagina? Any updates?

MY BABY! You already have my number, don’t you?

I MISS YOU! Of course I do, saved under ‘THE kween’

well i guess i can make my introduction know that i just came back from the gayest time of my entire life in the u.k. and honestly just want to eat some guacamole dip. also i have a new season of a show i was in on netflix, but i’m only one the first episode so fuck the rest of the season.

Have you ever pissed off a teenager by answering a call at 3am and waking them up? Terrifying. They’re like tiny but powerful dragons. That being said, hello, I’m Michelle, and I will answer any calls any time of day or night if you need anything, my loves, but from now on… try my cellphone first please.

MICHELLE!!! I have not done that, nope. But I’ll keep that in mind for the future.