Sir Screwloose

I think about this Juggalo I met in Philly a lot.

It was probably five years ago now.

I used to get on the train after work sometimes and just go to center city. And there was a dress shop I'd stop in front of. The kind you don't walk into unless you know beyond a doubt you've got the dough to buy something.

There was a floor-length dress on a model in the window that I was taken by. It was stunning. With bead work enough to fill a craft room.

It glowed down at me from up on its pedestal of perfection, and I felt down my body, trying to imagine if I'd ever look good in something so magnificent. My pitiful excuse for self-worth was eating at me as I mentally checked every reason why, even if I could afford something so nice, it be wasted on someone like me.

I heard him before I saw him. The jingling of a wallet chain and the heavy thump of black work boots.

He stopped next to me, a big fucker, probably 6'8 or 6'9, in all black except his face which was done up with white and black grease paint. The lines were crisp, and the colors didn't bleed into one another at all. To finish the look, he was wearing an ICP tee, the sleeves cut off at the shoulders. He looked every bit the stereotype.

He looked down at me, them to the dress and then back at me.

I don't know what he saw but he spoke to me, with warmth and conviction the likes I'd never received from a stranger before.

"That dress would look beautiful on YOU."

I could only nod and give him a thank you. He shook his head and pointed at the dress then me.

"You aren't listenin. That DRESS," he pointed again for emphasis, "would look beautiful on YOU."

I thought I understood then what he was trying to say then. That I would be the one assigning the beauty. Not the dress, not the clothes. But me, the person wearing it. I nodded and thanked him again, saying it with more confidence.

Then he kept walking. I never saw him again. The interaction took probably all of twenty seconds. But I'll never forget.

The dress looks beautiful on YOU. Not because the fabric is nice or the materials or fine. But because it's on you. And you make it beautiful.

That's what I took away from Philly Juggalo that day. And I hope I never forget it.

i actually cant stop laughing at this

I've still got a few things to puzzle out, but it's comin' along.

emperor kuzco was clearly gay

hes 19, with unlimited power, and he ain’t got a gf. the only time we see him interact with any women his own age is when he’s rejecting like 7 of them rapid fire. he pretends to date pacha in a gag that lasts like 10 solid minutes. listen to me god damnit

Okay, but just in case anyone is coming to tumblr dot com for my hot takes on 20+ year old kids' movies: Kuzco super WAS gay (or at least coded as such) and of course, I didn't get it until I watched it as a gay grownup.

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

So yes. There you have it. I will not be taking criticism at this time.

In response to the question “How did a movie like this get made at all much less by fucking Disney?” there was a recent Vulture article that outlines the whole shit show of a history behind this film according to everyone (writers, directors, VAs, Stings) involved. The gist of the story is that they fucked up making a whole, true-to-form Disney musical that never came to see the light of day SO BADLY that Disney switched directors, locked the writer’s room, and didn’t review a single script until weeks after the film was in theaters.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

holy shit read the article. it’s worth it and completely batshit

This is fucking insane

I've never adequately appreciated the batshit brilliance of this joke, I've taken it for granted

We watched this with the FC literally last night so I'm delighted to reblog this again. What a fucking movie.

Just said to @petermorwood last night, "I'd say it's time for a rewatch." Gonna do that right now. (If I have to sit here doing this Mailchimp crap, at least I can have Yzma yelling "Why do we even have this lever?!" in the background.

Remember that time that Trudie Styler was allowed to make a Making Of Documentary about Kingdom of the Sun/Emperor's New Groove because her husband (Sting) was hired to do the music and this was part of his contract, but the doc showed how much of a disaster the making of this movie was so Disney refused to release it but then it got leaked on the internet and now the internet archive has it?

The gang's all here! I LOVE THEM SM PLS

Steven Universe deserves a mini series of 1 hour specials like what Adventure Time got, featuring stories like:

To maintain the original integrity of the show, each episode is told from Steven's perspective, whether he's actually a part of the story or if someone is recounting it to him later. I need this.

I don't think there's a reality where he could shoot an alien and his friend in the chest with a space laser gun BUT you gotta draw what you gotta draw

I do think that whether you needed it or not, you’d feel safer wandering around with a space fishbowl on your head

Something to watch for, which I learned from stage magic but which is extremely relevant to detecting scams as well:

The magician or scammer will *tell you* how he is going to prove his honesty.

The magician rifles through the deck until you say "stop", then he says, "Are you sure? I'll keep going if you want." and asks "Now, you agree that you could have stopped anywhere you wanted, so there's absolutely no way I could know which card you got" and because it's a magic show and you aren't paying close attention you didn't notice he didn't deal a card from where you stopped, he dealt the bottom card of the deck.

The magician doesn't ask you, "What would it take for you to believe this" because you might say, "I'd need you to use a sealed deck" or "I'd have to personally shuffle the deck" or some other proof that would make the trick impossible.

Magicians say "You agree that if I did *this*, it would mean *that*, right?" and you say yes, and it feels like you are the one who got to verify things, but of course the magician is lying and the proof is nothing of the kind.

Scammers do the same thing. A really concrete example is phone scammers pretending to be working for the government will say, "Look, I see you're skeptical if I'm who I say I am, I'm going to hang up and call back, and you'll see on the caller ID it says, 'FBI' and that tells you that I'm really working for the government."

Now, caller ID can be spoofed pretty easily, so it doesn't prove anything at all.

But it *feels* to you like you demanded proof and the scammer was willing to give you the proof.

But you didn't tell the scammer what out would take to prove it to you, the scammer told you what the proof would be.

This is actually like a really basic thing to look for if you want to start decoding magic tricks and scams.

The best way I can describe to an allo person how you feel about sex as a topic as a sex-repulsed or averse asexual is that it feels like a hype that never ends. As though Despicable Me came out and everyone around you was sending minion facebook memes to each other for years to come. The stores are full of minion themed products; they're in ads and your friends talk about them all the time. And deep in your heart you're like "I'm glad that they're able to enjoy something I personally don't like and am not interested in :3". But there is always this little voice in the back of your head that's like "If I have to see ONE MORE of these little yellow FUCKERS today then God help us all." You make an active choice to communicate only the former.

too good to leave in the replies

[Image Description: reply by whitesheepwrites

Or you're absolutely blind to the minions. They don't even occur to you. You see something yellow and thinks "what a nice color" then turn around and everyone is going "ba-na-na!" and you have no fucking idea what they are on until someone reminds you minions is a thing and that 90% of the population think about them constantly

]

like mother like son passed on her love for tall big tiddy goths

IT'S GENERATIONAL BAYBEEE

in my notifications

high comedy

Frank Paton - Witness my Act and Deed (1882)

Absolutely fucking dying over the name of this painting. We've had cats figured out since day fucking one

Also dying because the cat is indeed witnessing (i.e., signing) the act and deed (the document getting ink spilled on it).

Toddlers are so pure. She doesn’t understand that we help her with certain things because she’s little. She thinks that everyone just helps each other like that. So she tries to blow on my food and cut it up for me and tries to help me put on my shoes.

i was giving little wagon rides to a baby around the backyard one day and all of a sudden she hops off and slaps the seat of the wagon telling me to get on because it was my turn and i was like no it’s ok im too heavy and she was like NO ITS UR TURN and kept tugging on my hand so i would sit down. eventually i got on and it was just a little 2 year old trying so hard to push me around on a wagon not understanding why it wouldn’t budge but still so determined to let me have my turn lol

I don’t think I’d realised how many casual compliments we pay to our toddler until she started casually complimenting us back, because experience has taught her that’s How Social Interaction Is Done, and there’s nothing quite like a very earnest three-year-old solemnly and sincerely informing you that you look wonderful and smell nice to make you feel really good about yourself

I tell her she’s my best girl. She tells me I’m her best auntie. Then we both feel good about the world!

Teach them kindness.

my little cousin is 3 and she stands there and goes “you’re doing it!” whenever i’m like, making food for us, or doing the laundry, or pushing her in a stroller up a hill. she is the most encouraging sweetheart. 

“What is it that the child has to teach? The child naively believes that everything should be fair and everyone should be honest, that only good should prevail, that everybody should have what they want and there should be no pain or sadness. The child believes the world should be perfect and is outraged to discover it is not. And the child is right.” - Rabbi Tzvi Freeman

this is lowkey one of the funniest tie-ins they've done so far

some suselle doodles from awhile ago <3

inspired by this post