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fruit salad

@petsmartpersonified69

•I live out of pure spite •I laugh at my own jokes •I love to let the dogs out
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spro-o
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spacehostilityy

A list of nnt "headcanons" that's actually me just blatantly denying canon bc nakaba is only getting weirder with 4kota so I am revoking his rights

  • Ban is still immortal. I'll be damned if he ages at human pace while his son, wife, best friend, and teammates outlive him. Also it's just too badass to throw away conceptually
  • Elizabeth is much more similar to her goddess/Liz personality after her memories/revival
  • Merlin isn't evil, Arthur isn't evil, neither of them care/know about chaos. Yeah. Straight denial of the main 4kota plotline. Yea.
  • I just rlly love merlin and I dislike this characterization
  • Escanor's alive. Bc I like him. He's a good kid. Maybe he and Merlin can be together as a treat for them both
  • Meliodas and Elizabeth (and Zeldris) were pretty young when they were cursed/sealed and are going to look older in a century or two. They're straight up just babies frozen in time and they'll look older than like 15 soon enough
  • Elaine too. She can still be short and petite and have short hair but like... just age up her face a bit damn
  • The sins waited (much) longer to have kids, are actually good parents, and raise their kids together - they overall stay together bc why have found family just to break them apart in the end, that's dumb
  • This is canon but never utilized but Elizabeth is just powerful as fuck and will use her powers bc she's a bad ass
  • Ban and Meliodas have fucked. This is not particularly important and is technically canon compliant but like... come on... they're too boyfriend coded to have not fucked in the long years in which both of their loves were dead/a child. They fucked.
  • Jericho doesn't have a character assassination and settles down with a lesbian lover. Maybe Guila. But is family to Ban. And is def not a p*do with his son. Because what the actual fuck
  • Howzer (best boy) gets bitches. Maybe Guila. Maybe they're in a throuple. Idk. But I want him to find love
  • Dreyfus and Hendy (also best boy) are gay. Again, this one feels low key canon compliant. But yeah, they're dating
  • Tristan is proud of both his demon and goddess heritage, or at least he and Meliodas are on journeys of self acceptance together bc they're bad ass and I love them, especially as demons
  • Hawk Mama is still a weirdly goated mystery pig. Just kinda chaotic neutral being who just rlly likes being in the ground and having a bar on her back. Also Cath isn't fucking evil. I miss Cath

Okay that's all I can think of for now. But yeah. I am fucking delusional so I truly believe all of these things. They're canon. I'll add more as I think of them

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ladymerlin-lab

~Seven Deadly Sins reunion~

Meliodas: Hold on!! I am having one of those things...emm...ughh...like a headache... but with pictures?

King: What the fuck?

Merlin, knowing him too much already: *Sighs* He has an idea.

Escanor: Is he going to be okey?

Merlin: It's hard to say, Meliodas has never had one before.

Meliodas: You are still a little bitch.

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blvcklizard

Prisoners of the Sky is so funny outside the main plot, though.

It's the king's birthday. We'll prepare a special meal for this occasion, using literally legendary ingredients which we indirectly risked our lives for.

And Meliodas will cook.

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bestjeanistmonster

MORE OUT OF CONTEXT VIGILANTE ZELDRIS MEMES CUZ I NOW HAVE ENOUGH SPACE ON MY PHONE TO MAKE THEM

I have more memes but I’m gonna post them tomorrow or else I’ll pass out

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girlashfur

my dealer : got you some straight gas here ⛽🔥😜 this new strain is called "into the wild". you'll be zonked out of your gourd

me : yeah whatever. i don't feel shit.

5 minutes later : dude i swear i just saw a kittypet near the border

my buddy : [pacing around the camp] tigerclaw is lying to us

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erizia

Meliodas: I wonder what's wrong with me.

Ban: You're five feet tall and the oldest out of us.

Gowther: You're morally bankrupt.

Merlin: You're seriously traumatised.

King: You're a sexual deviant.

Escanor: You tried to kill me.

Diane: You suck at chess.

Meliodas:

Meliodas: I meant what's causing my headache!

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tattycoram
"Obi-wan teaching his family about tea aka the day he nearly murdered them all" Anakin, texting the group chat: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different in hot water? Ahsoka: You were putting it in cold water? Cody: Answer the question, Anakin Anakin: Yeah? I thought you put it in hot water to speed up the teaification. I didn't think there was an actual reason. You think I have the patience to boil water? Fives: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes? Rex: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it? Fives: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove Rex: It takes less than a minute Ahsoka: Is your stovetop powered by the fucking sun? Rex: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove? Ahsoka: Like 7 minutes... Cody: Just stick the cup on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in two minutes Rex: You're putting the whole mug on the stove? Fives: You are all lunatics Obi-wan: DO NONE OF YOU OWN A FUCKING KETTLE
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posthumousvigor

Obi-Wan being star wars' biggest damsel in distress while also being one of the most powerful jedi ever is so funny to me. Like he's getting captured on purpose. That has to be whats happening. "Oh nooo ive gotten tied up by somebody who's obsessed with me again!!looks like someone equally obsessed with me has to swoop in and save me :33" He's the pillow princess of warfare

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