Contrariedade

I'm like a girl who wants to read more books but doesn't

stop the world just to stop the feeling

Eddie’s just uncapped his second beer when he hears footsteps behind him, so familiar he recognizes who it is by sound alone.

“Hey,” he says, as Buck sidles into view, arms coming to rest on the balcony railing beside him. He’s got a drink in his hand, too - one of those fruity vodka seltzers that Eddie’s reluctantly started stocking in the bottom drawer of his fridge. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Buck fiddles with the tab on his can, the silver of it reflecting in the moonlight. “Something like that.”

His shirt is slightly too big, slipping down just enough to expose the sharp jut of his collarbone, the dark bruise forming on the edge of it. Eddie’s eyes fly to it without permission, and Buck flushes red. 

“It’ll be covered by the suit tomorrow, promise.”

“Mm.” Eddie takes another sip of his beer, ignoring the sour way it curdles in his stomach. “Good. Think Chim’s one incident away from going full groomzilla.”

“Can you blame him?”

“Not at all,” Eddie admits, and Buck huffs a laugh. “You should have been me the night before Shannon and I got married. I was a wreck.”

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

every little thing the sun shows, well it’s worth it

ao3 link

Buck can’t help but bring his hand to his lips as Tommy leaves, fingers brushing gently against where the other man’s lips had been just a few minutes previously.

The other man.

Buck should – he should be freaking out, right? He’d lived thirty-two years of his life without coming close to kissing another man, and it should be making him freak out that tonight, he did – but Buck felt flooded with the oddest sense of calm he’d ever experienced in his life.

He’d kissed a man.

He’d kissed Tommy Kinard.

The giggle escaped his mouth before Buck could even try and contain it, and one turning into a fit of laughter faster than he could control, Buck unable to wipe the smile from his face as he grinned. He’d just kissed Tommy Kinard – and he’d really fucking liked it, actually. It had been different, that much he was certain of – the way Tommy had tugged Buck closer, two fingers under Buck’s chin, purposeful and confident as he responded to Buck’s weak attempts at flirting with a kiss. Tommy had been solid, under his trembling hands, broad and big and nothing like Buck had ever experienced before.

And he’d liked it.

Buck was moving before he could even really think about it, his feet somehow knowing where to take him, on autopilot as he slid behind the wheel of his Jeep, too lost in his own thoughts to realise that the radio had been switched to some criminally bad pop music station (Eddie’s doing, he was sure), the music background noise as he drove, replaying that kiss over, and over, the phantom drag of Tommy’s facial hair against the sensitive skin of his upper lip a feeling he was sure he could come to get very used to, if he was allowed a little more kissing.

Buck was parking up in front of Hen and Karen’s house before he even realised where he was – but, now he was actually thinking about it, he wasn’t sure where else he would have gone, there and then. Hen was – Hen was another big sister, to him, and a lesbian big sister at that, so she was the right place to come in the midst of his –

Buck didn’t want to call it a crisis. He didn’t feel like he was having a crisis. But he was definitely experiencing something – and Hen would understand, he knew.

i would like to thank not only god but jesus for fox canceling 911 and abc picking them up

you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling

"this too shall pass" well can it fucking get on with it

the thing that mightve actually fucked me up the most while watching all of us strangers was not the (way too relatable) parental issues or even that last devastating plot twist but its raw depiction of pure affection and tenderness. arguably THE main theme of this movie is queer loneliness (and how it can quite literally kill you) and i know that i am definitely not alone in feeling alone but... im just scared of living most of my life without ever feeling reciprocated love and passion. missing out on those joyful young experiences of love, exploration and sexuality that all my friends get to enjoy. im afraid of going through each day without ever experiencing a gentle touch of someone who truly sees something pure and beautiful in me somehow. without having someone to take care of me, have a genuine connection with me, sharing a vulnerability that we've never shown to anyone ever before. i think i see so much of myself in adam because i too spend my day dreaming about life getting better, i imagine it each night before i to to bed, constantly waiting for SOMETHING to happen, ANYTHING to make me feel less empty and yet nothing ever changes.

ALL OF US STRANGERS + CLUES INDICATING ADAM'S DEATH IN THE FIRE AT HIS BUILDING

My dashboard be like "this is Eddie and his boyfriend Steve, and this is Steve and his boyfriend Bucky, and this is Buck and his boyfriend Eddie, and this is Ed and his boyfriend Stede"

baby girl i have avoided situations that don’t even exist yet

that james baldwin quote where he says, “it took many years of vomiting up all the filth i’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before i was able to walk on the earth as though i had a right to be here.”

me after loosening up on the routine that keeps me functioning as a person: why am I not functioning as a person