I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache
life just goes on no matter what
Yaaaaas 😍
“Son, you best get t’steppin’ if’n y’don’t want this lil doggy.”
*aggressively brandishes gnoll who speaks like a rural Canadian*
i almost scrolled past this like a fool
these are my thotz as someone who has been directly exposed to 2022 and 1966 batman within less than a month: there's a sweet spot between silly/gloomy ways to write bruce wayne, there's unpleasant extremes, and then there's the real extremes that are such weird little freaks that they make perfect sense
Startlingly accurate
men love being tied to chairs and gagged it makes them feel masculine it's the same as working in an office
this is very funny bc i went to a class on gay cowboy bondage that discussed hypermasculinity in the practice and basically made this exact point but like, unironically
a class on what
how many times do we have to say "acting like an autistic character wouldnt know about sex is weird" until it actually sinks in and people stop saying autistic characters wouldnt know about sex
once had a woman tell me she didn’t think I’m “capable of consenting.” 🫠
Here's the thing about Jareth from Labyrinth right?
He's made up.
That's not necessarily the same thing as not REAL. But he, just like all her friends who show up in her room before her adventure as toys and figurines, exist in relation to her, in response to what she wanted and needed. She told the story and there he was, there he always had been. But she's a teenage girl who doesn't know what she wants yet, and Jareth kind of pays the price.
"but the king of the goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and had given her certain powers." He's an archetypal oxymoron. He's both the dastardly baby stealing villain and the royal love interest trying to relieve the heroine's suffering, Cinderella style. He's fucked either way by being both. She doesn't know if SHE wants to be the villain or the heroine until he shows up and then she decides on the heroine, so he has to sneer and menace and challenge but it's too late for him!! it's too late, The King Of The Goblins Had Fallen In Love With the Girl, he's Cinderella's prince too and he has to try, he gives her a poofy dress and takes her to fucking goblin prom, sweeps her around the room like a music box with perfect posture and room for Jesus.
But it doesn't work buddy, it can't work. You're just a story for a teen girl to grow up in, and as the villain you have to be defeated. He's so complex because his tropes contradict themselves, and he doesn't understand why he has to lose when he was only doing the job he was given. In his last scene he is pale as death with shadows under his eyes, backing away and begging for his happy ending with nonsense mishmash promises that belong to both halves of him.
"I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me." I'm sure you are, Jareth. No wonder.
Concept: the extraterrestrial ship captain approaches Human Steve after months of their service, having uncovered an Earth Artifact at great cost.
“Human Steve, I have procured this recording! The seller told me it was a rare, preserved copy of a ‘pop song’, and I wanted to present it to you as a gift of gratitude.”
Human Steve tears open the package and half smiles, half tears up - it’s one of those single-MP3 players from the late 90s, too scratched up to read the song title. He doesn’t expect it to work, but when he taps the play button, a tinny noise crackles out of the speaker.
His face falls.
“Ha ha, Agrax, very funny.”
The ship captain looks confused. “What do you mean, Human Steve?”
“Of all of the ‘pop songs’, this one? Really? Entirely on coincidence?!”
“Does this particular song have a cultural significance to you, Human Steve?”
“Yeah, it does, Agrax, it’s a–” Human Steve sighs. “You know what, it’s complicated. I’ll explain it some other time. Thanks for the gift.”
As Human Steve shuffles off down the corridor, the ship captain opens up their log and makes a careful note.
Stardate 2074.3 : Achievement accomplished. I have successfully Rickrolled Human Steve.
you will mention your favorite color is yellow and people will be practically jumping at the chance to let you know how hideous it is to them. just SALIVATING to look you in the eye and tell you it’s fucking ugly. like man what do you want and expect me to do here. change my mind? i have to laugh
it is a happy color. daffodils are yellow. pompompurin is yellow. do you hate him? pompompurin? do you think he’s hideous? do you want pompompurin to die? is that it? you sick fuck
Impressively well calibrated so far.
It's remarkably close but there's actually no good reason for this to be a random sample of tumblr users. E.g. I would expect perverts to share this more widely than non-perverts, and perhaps for pervert tumblr users to be generally more active than the non-perverts.
The only thing crazier than a character clearly intended to be gay but kept in the plausible deniability subtext zone due to censorship issues is a character in a series where only like one of the writers clearly intended them to be gay. So this character is just gay sometimes and nobody acknowledges it
Sometimes you'll be watching star trek tos and it'll be a Gay Spock Episode. Like really blatantly. As clear as you could possibly make it without the network tearing you asunder in 1967. And other times they'll have Spock making out with a cavewoman for some reason. And that's just how having multiple writers is
This also happened to my buddy Castiel
Not all of The Rules Of The Internet (origin of Rule 34 and, less remembered, Rules 50 (A Crossover, no matter how improbable, will eventually happen in Fan Art, Fan Fiction, or official release material, often through fanfiction of it) and 63 (For every given male character, there is a female version of that character (and vice-versa). And there is always porn of that character.) has aged well, but always remember a few other rules (boiled down to the basic meaning):
Rule 11: No matter how much you love debating, keep in mind that no one on the internet debates. Instead they mock your intelligence as well as your parents. (Never assume any “debate” is done in good faith if you have any reason to believe otherwise)
Rule 13: Anything you say can and will be turned into something else (someone somewhere will maliciously twist your words)
Rule 14: Do not argue with trolls—it means they win. (Don’t Feed The Trolls, block em and go, you don’t owe them shit)
Rule 33: Lurk more—it's never enough. (If you don’t know, don’t speak up. Internet version of “better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and confirm it”)
Rule 39: CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. (Classic memes never truly go out of style, someone will appreciate it…)
Rule 40: EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER (…but you can always go overboard, mix it up every once in a while)
Rule 49: No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. (Self explanatory, but in more modern times a reminder to be weary of people asking for things you don’t possibly believe could be a fetish)
Rule 62: It has been cracked and pirated. You can find anything if you look long enough. (Keep Circulating The Tapes, and ask any tech savvy friends if they know a guy)
Star of Heaven - Edward Robert Hughes
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995) dir. Beeban Kidron
