I apologize for how little I've been on tumblr in the latter half of 2023. I know there's a lot of people on here who used to look up to me as a fan and some who still do. I'm sorry for being disappointing.
This year started out really good. I thought most of my absence would be because I'm doing really well in school, and I'm so so close to the final step to becoming a doctor in my field. In fact, my goal for 2024 is to start my dissertation, and that's a huge step and grand accomplishment that has taken hours of dedication, and I appreciate my readers' patience as I write during this time.
I passed (unofficially, just have to do some cleanup) my final doctoral qualifier. I finished up two fanfictions after trying so hard to get back into my pace after my accidents in 2021. I got engaged to the love of my life, and I reached spiritual and emotional peace over a 14-year-long trauma that I've been fighting. These were such good things that happened this year, and I'm ready to receive what goodness lies in 2024.
October sent me into a spiral I am just struggling to recover from. Not only is my family in a war zone, but that war zone is one of the most controversial ones in the world right now. And I have spent hours, days, weeks wailing over this genocide. I cannot help the people I love in either Palestine or Israel, who are caught in these crosshairs. And I drag myself to my university, where people scream and tell me that all Jewish people should leave or be accountable for these crimes. It was everything in me to make it to break. I rarely want to go home to my parents for extended time, but I practically fled my campus, and I broke down in tears in my mother's arms. I weep both for the injustice and for the guilt my own community forces on me, as if I am responsible for the sins of Israel.
I cannot promise a lot of activity from me in 2024. As long as Israel behaves this way, I will most likely remain distant from tumblr. Please don't take it personally. The flood of activism isn't wrong; I am just very weak from those voices which are loudly being antisemitic instead of critical of specifically Israel's government. Those voices are so loud I could some days barely get out of bed.
In 2024, I do ask people to be kind. Being kind will not fix everything. But it is one of the greatest things an individual can do during hard times. Kindness is treasured so much right now, especially as I am at such a low from the antisemitism around me. Give a compliment. Do a nice thing for someone. Sit in silence with someone who is too hurt to speak. And, most crucially, love those who struggle to love themselves.
Happy New Year, Shana Tovah
