• “Well hello there, you blockhead!”
• “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter like unrequited love.”
• “I hate myself for not having enough nerve to talk to him/her! Well, that’s not exactly true…I hate myself for a lot of other reasons, too.”
• “I’m dying, and all I hear is insults!”
• “I’ve developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.”
• “No, that’s giving up…I’m still hoping that yesterday will get better.”
• “Wouldn’t it be something if it turned out that french fries were good for you?”
• “How can I say the wrong thing and the right thing at the same time?”
• “That’s the secret to life…replace one worry with another.”
• “Oh, good grief!”
• “I never know what anyone is talking about.”
• “We’re all pleading for someone to listen. We’re all desperate.”
• “I’m not a poor loser, I’m a good loser. I’m so good at it I lose all the time!”
• “Why aren’t you a pony?”
• “This is where I belong! This is my life! I stand here like a captain of a ship!”
• “This is called the loser’s walk. It’s the way you’re supposed to walk when you’ve lost again.”
• “Isn’t s/he the cutest thing?”
• “I COULD NOT POSSIBLY CARE LESS! I’m sorry, I apologize…that was just a gut reaction.”
• “Happiness is having your own library card.”
• “See, your way doesn’t work, either!”
• “Some philosophies take a thousand years. I think of them in two minutes.”
• “Rain is water which does not come out of faucets.”
• “The largest dinosaur that ever lived was the Bronchitis. It soon became extinct. It coughed a lot.”
• “It was a dark and stormy night…”
• “Succumb, you dark-haired fiend!”
• “Curses, foiled again!”
• “Just wait ‘til next year!”
• “I never said I worship him/her. I just said I’m very fond of the ground on which s/he walks!”
• “You didn’t tell me you were going to kill it!”
• “I love mankind. It’s people I can’t stand!”
• “People are beginning to say nasty things about me.”
• “These five fingers: individually they’re nothing, but when I curl them together like this in a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold!”
• “Can I help it if I was born with crabby genes?”
• “I was having my quiet time!”
• “My life is like a messy coloring book.”
• “I could run the whole world right here from under my bed!”
• “Who cares about money? This is ART, you blockhead!”
• “Subtraction? Oh, yes, I can explain it. Subtraction is the awful feeling that you know less today than you did yesterday.”
• “I don’t look so bad after all! That’s always been my ambition…to not look so bad after all.”
• “Don’t hassle me with your sighs!”
• “What’s the good of having naturally curly hair if no one’s jealous?”
• “Well, hello there! You don’t know me, do you? My name is ___. You’re real cute.”
• “You were born crabby and you’re going to stay crabby! Don’t think you’re going to change because you’re not!”
• “I think you get a sort of neurotic pleasure out of losing all the time.”
• “Saturday’s the only day I never get anything wrong.”
• “I don’t even know where I am now!”
• “I think the whole trouble is that we’re thrown into life too fast…we’re not really prepared.”
• “AND I DON’T CARE IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?”
• “Do you think I can ever become a mature and well-adjusted person?”
• “Why are you so crabby?”
• “Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it?”
• “We are obviously separated by denominational differences.”
• “Everyone tells me you are a fake, but I believe in you.”

[inspired by this]

• “actually… i just miss you.”
• “alright, i’ll leave you alone.”
• “and slowly… i was forgotten.”
• “and then everything just disappears.”
• “and where do i go?”
• “anyone could tell from here.”
• “are you finishing that or…?”
• “are you stupid or stupid?”
• “anything, just call me, okay?”
• “bitch better have my money.”
• “bro… that’s so… not cool…”
• “but did you do it?”
• “call me now. it’s urgent.”
• “can’t you listen to me?”
• “cross that. don’t answer that.”
• “don’t even think about it.”
• “don’t you dare walk away.”
• “do it. i dare you.”
• “did you think i forgot?”
• “eventually… you just move on.”
• “even if you still do.”
• “everything will fall into place.”
• “fight me, you attractive stranger.”
• “for once, i need you.”
• “for once… i was right.”
• “for once… i was wrong.”
• “forget i even asked you.”
• “forget it. you fucking suck.”
• “fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?”
• “fuck off. i mean it.”
• “give and take. that’s life.”
• “great. perfect. nice. fuck this.”
• “have you lost your mind?”
• “hello? it’s me. i was-”
• “hey… that wasn’t so nice.”
• “here’s a glass of whatever.”
• “how about a hug, hm?”
• “how about you make me?”
• “i haven’t forgot you yet.”
• “i can’t be around you.”
• “i don’t need you, really.”
• “i don’t need this now.”
• “is this your first time?”
• “it’s just a cut, really.”
• “it wasn’t me, i swear!”
• “i said i love you.”
• “just don’t fuck it up.”
• “just… come back alive, okay?”
• “just make sure you’ve eaten.”
• “kick his ass for me.”
• “killed him? wait, what, literally?”
• “life really sucks. feel better.”
• “letting go hurts… a lot.”
• “let me live, will you?”
• “no, i don’t need you.”
• “nothing can hurt me now.”
• “nothing matters anymore to me.”
• “okay it was me… so?”
• “people lie all the time.”
• “pipe the fuck down, asshole.”
• “please, you can’t die now.”
• “please don’t leave me alone.”
• “quiet. they can hear us.”
• “quick! give me your phone!”
• “quicker, you freaking piece of-”
• “quit it or i’ll bite.”
• “quit staring! they’ll notice us!”
• “really? do i look stupid?”
• “real smooth, tripping over air.”
• “rise and shine, sweet thing.”
• “rise and fucking shine, motherfucker.”
• “seriously? give me a break.”
• “so… what are we now?”
• “so… did you miss me?”
• “so… can we go eat?”
• “so… when’s the next flight?”
• “so… how did everything go?”
• “sometimes, i wish you died.”
• “so what? you did it.”
• “time passes slower without you.”
• “then what do you suggest?”
• “the fuck? who are you?”
• “then you tell me why.”
• “this is not working out.”
• “this isn’t what i wanted.”
• “this is all a fucking disaster.”
• “when did it all happen?”
• “who knew you’d be here?”
• “why do i even bother?”
• “why do i love you?”
• “why didn’t you tell me?”
• “you’re just… so, so stupid.”
• “you can’t be here now.”
• “you look like an accident.”
• “you really need to go.”
• “you know who to call.”
• “zero fucks given. next please.”