[Cutting between two on-the-scene interviewees in imitation of a TV newscast. The first interviewee has dark skin, is wearing a white v-neck tshirt and camouflage bucket hat, and is identified as “Troy “T-Roy” Greene. The second interviewee has lighter skin, has a dark undercut slicked back, gage earrings, and is wearing a grey and white striped button down with a white undershirt underneath. Dramatic news music is playing.]
Casual Pokemon Go Player: So my homeboy who actually told me about Tindr–what’s up Ray Ray–um, he told me to get this like Pokey-man’s app right here, so I went and got it. And it’s got these cool little characters like, um, dinosaurs and ducks and sh*t, you know.
Pokemon Go Enthusiast: [agitated] Then, um, this guy shows up, and he starts calling the Pokemon by the wrong names, I don’t know, just on purpose to patronize me, making fun of me. I don’t know what his deal was. Uh, he called Balbasaur–
[Split screen begins showing pictures of each Pokemon mentioned with the headline “Pokemania sets fans into frenzy: Lure modules may bring out the ‘mons but also the crazies.”]
Casual player: That’s onion turtle!
Casual player: Punchy rock
Casual player: That cat with them long-ass arms!
Casual player: Purple shit.
Enthusiast: He called Diglet–
Casual player: That’s floor sh*t right there.
Enthusiast: And Dougtrio–
Casual player: That’s three floor sh*ts!
Enthusiast: He knew Pikachu, but everybody knows Pikachu.
Casual player: Oh yeah that’s Pikachu right there.
Enthusiast: He called Weepinbell–
Casual player: Oh, that’s almost a pear.
Casual player: Party weiner
Casual player: Everybody know that big dick bee.
Enthusiast: Bees don’t even have dicks! [Approaching camera aggressively] It’s a stinger!