fun fact: basically every mod on r/legaladvice is a cop. if you see a bunch of comments in a row that have been deleted for “offering bad advice”, you can replace “reddit” in the url with “ceddit” to see the same page with all the deleted comments still there, and roughly half the time the “"bad advice”“ is literally anything that suggests that maybe OP shouldn’t trust the cops

take a look at this thread. Ouch

in this thread, the OP talks about how a local cop in their small town in Ohio is stalking him and, in particular, his fiancée, to the point that they’re afraid to leave their home.

A lot of the deleted comments are recommending cameras on the house and the cars

a lot more of them are recommending OP file a complaint, and refuse to leave until he gets the forms he needs

and a few are discussing the way small-town cops work with little to no oversight, and that it might be good to talk to someone higher up the chain.

none of these comments needed to be deleted. none of these comments are harmful or malicious in anyway. All of these comments are helping OP learn and exercise his rights as a citizen, and all of them were deleted. What all the comments have in common is that it would cause the cop to face any kind of consequences for behavior that, were a civilian doing it, would be illegal.

Say it with me. Fuck. The. Police.

If you’re fortunate enough, your internal organs will spend their entire lifespan in absolute darkness.

Not if I swallow this glow stick!

Lost in the sauce

LOST IN THE SAUCE

today my teacher said “we’re gonna do a new poem form today called a sonnet” and i said “sonnet the hedgehog” way louder than i intended to and everyone stared at me and that was a low point

a woman in a film: *takes another woman’s hand and squeezes it gently in a gesture of support*

my content-starved wlw ass:

a woman in a film: *brushes another woman’s hair tenderly away from her face*

me:

Uncle, do you realize what this means?

y’all: peter was able to stop bucky’s fist in civil war bc bucky heard peter’s voice, realized he was a child, then weakened his punch bc he was so worried about hurting a child uwu

me, eating pistachios: y’all know peter can canonically lift up to 75 tons, right. y’all know bucky’s fist is easy as hell for peter to block, right. y’all know bucky didn’t know shit about peter being a child and was just shocked that someone was able to so easily block his punch, right. y’all know that, right.

naw fuck that bucky’s punches aren’t easy to block, it’s WAY funnier if peter blocked a full force punch from bucky, who only a few seconds later realizes he’s a kid as soon as peter opens his mouth

that’s the face of a man who went from “holy shit he blocked my punch?” to “holY SHiT a 12 YEARoLD BLOCKED mY PUNCH???” in 3 seconds flat.

Next second is “i triED TO PUNCH A CHILD”

insert your card into the chip reader. put it in. hurry up. just fucking put the card in the chip reader. now leave it. leave it. do not even look at it. leave it alone you asshole leave your card in the chip reader. keep it in. if you take it I swear I wi–

TAKE IT OUT! REMOVE YOUR CARD RIGHT NOW TAKE YOUR CARD OUT TAKE IT OUT OF THE CHIP READER TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK TAKE YOUR CARD BACK AND GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

some nonsense shenanigans from today’s stream

coughing Mm-hmmm… alright… gim-give me one second… small cough… *Ahem*

Solid Snake voice Ngaah, Colonel! There’s a strange man here. He calls himself Mr. K… Nnyou know anything about him?

Sans: EEEEEEE EEEEEEEE.

Snake: What? Fingers?!

Sans: EEEEEEE.

Snake: Nhuh?

Sans: EEEEEEEE E EEEEEEEEEEEE!

Snake: So you want me to put my fingers in his-

Sans: EEE. EEE.

Snake: Alright, I’ll give it a try! Thanks.

First three notes of Bergentrückung

yOU’RE THE DUMMY THICC GUY

that’s me! but also im girl

“Don’t buy any Girl Scout cookies!!! They support pLANNED PARENTHOOD!!” me: 

can’t believe ‘coco from foster’s home for imaginary friends was born from a starving child’s dying dream as they spiraled into desperate insanity after getting stranded on an island’ isn’t an edgy theory but something the creator just casually brought up on his deviantart

(Coco is a bit complicated to explain but I’ll try. As you might know from “Good Wilt Hunting” Coco was found on a deserted island. Well I based her look on the images her creator was exposed to on the island. Her head is the palm trees that dominated the landscape. Her body is the crashed wreckage of the plane which brought her creator to the island. Her beak is a deflated rubber life raft. And her orange feet represent the sunburned feet that her creator stared at all day. Her name Coco comes from the Coconuts that her creator ate everyday. Her odd personality derives from the fact that her creator wasn’t mentally all quite there from being on the island for so long. Phew!!)

*spongebob narrator voice* ah… the temptations of the flesh

ah ze temptashuns ov ze flesh

ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that

Suggestions:

Black cards-

• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL

• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________

• Canceling plans is like ________

• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____

• You have the moral backbone of a _______

• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die

White Cards-

• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat

• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation

• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best

• one black coffee

• STREET SMARTS

• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken

• Delta Airlines

• the one thing they can’t replace

• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery

• a sea of drunk toddlers

• a pre- y2k asshole

• Xanax

Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need what’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat

Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.

THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL

I’ll keep all of my STREET SMARTS right here and the one day I’ll die

I have more suggestions!

Black Cards-

White Cards-

More black cards

More white cards

enjoy yall

National Geographic on Facebook: this is a facial reconstruction of a teenage girl who lived 9000 years ago based on her remains!

half the comments: men criticizing her looks and saying she’s unattractive and mannish

anyway this is the reconstruction and I always enjoy seeing the faces of prehistoric humans and how much we have in common over thousands of years despite how incredibly different our lives are. I support her and I think she looks wonderful.

everyone in the replies of this post saying “well I think she’s pretty!” missed the whole damn point lmao

I remember watching a documentary once where historians were trying to work out who a dead girl was and what her life was like. I’m pretty sure they dated the body back to the early Victorian era, and established pretty early on that she lived in poverty, died young, and was most certainly a prostitute.

The grand finale of the show was the reveal of her reconstructed face. Now, bare in mind that through their investigations they discovered that she had lived an awful life and died an agonizing death (syphilis iirc). So, you can imagine my disgust when the historians reacted with disappointment at the reveal of her ‘face’. This poor girl, who had suffered terribly, was obviously not the poor, tragic beauty they had been hoping for.

She was plain, maybe some would say she was ugly, but what was truly hideous was the fact that you could practically see the sympathy these historians had for this poor girl slip away as they looked at her ‘face’, and you could certainly hear it in their voices.

Even in death our value rests on the basis of our looks. Sympathy is conditional - based on where you fall on the looks scale.

Science: *gives us the miracle of seeing long-dead faces*

Men: