ONE OF OUR INSTRUCTORS ACCIDENTALLY GOT PAID $787,000 THIS MONTH IM WHEEZING, OMFG PAYROLL

A PAYROLL EMPLOYEE ENTERED 123 INSTEAD OF 1 SO HE GOT PAID 123 TIMES WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO

this is the rare $786,708 payday. reblog to receive more money than you were expecting on your next paycheck 💫

Have you ever seen someone who hit you so hard right in the gay feels that you lost your sense of hearing for a few moments?

To all the poor gay messes desperately asking who she is, her name is Katy M. O'Brian and the pictures in the OP are from the series Z Nation. Here’s some other pictures.

You’re all welcome.

This steampunk clock writes the time every minute, and erases it before writing again.

This is the most ridiculous, inefficient, and needlessly complicated thing…..

I know. It seems almost completely unwieldy and useless.

I want it.

okay, but this is really what a Steampunk watch should be. Not just a dial watch with a cover made of bits of brass and copper.

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD OH MY GOD

ME

So a guy requested someone start beef with him because he was feeling left out, so I made this.

… No one’s gonna say anything about this legendary camerawork?

I didn’t know Draco Malfoy worked for UPS

solidarity

a multiverse of the same problems

no one will ever be able to tell

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you

It Works the money is on its way!

Need this.

Of course

It worked tho

I just won $500 off a scratch Ticket lottery.

ENERGY

OKAY LEGIT I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY. ME AND MY PARTNER ARE IN SUCH A TIGHT SPOT FOR MONEY ATM AS WE ARE SAVING FOR A DEPOSIT ON A HOUSE. I GOT PAID DOUBLE WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET AND SO DID HE AND HONESTLY I CRIED SO MUCH TODAY IM SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED

Positive vibes!!!!!

I need this 🙌🏾

Sometimes the customer is wrong for unrelated reasons.

Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.

Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.

I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.

About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.

I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”

She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.

She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.

Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.

“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”

I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.

He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.

He deleted his Tinder profile.

Came out a that kitchen like:

Now that is some truly epic revenge, right there.

…he deserved it.

“You killed his mater and fucked his pater”

Oh my God this is great.

Oh he screamed but not in agony

Here is a baby button quail on a spoon

Here is a baby button quail falling off a spoon

Why is voter registration not automatic for every American citizen of age like in any other democratic country?

🎶 Voter supression is the way parties stay in power! 🎶

That explains a lot.

I just show up at the polling station (which is established in a nearby school for my convenience), present my ID, and they let me vote.

Also, why do felons lose their voting rights, even after they’re released?

They’re still citizens, they’re still impacted by the laws and policies of the government, even more so than the average citizen. My country has polling stations in prisons.

Even the guy who assassinated the Prime Minister can vote.

Oh that reminds me, Election Day is a national day-off.

Classic Hollywood Bloopers

And the greatest Hollywood blooper of all time:

These are WONDERFUL

Two more of my favorites:

These are great..made me smile😊💖

The fact these exist are truly amazing.

In the olden days, if footage was not used in a film, it was either destroyed or erased so they could reuse the reel, because it was cheaper than storing unused film.

Google the BBC’s lost archives to find out more.