Dumbest kid in the world...

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Image joke

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship

One turns to other and says, “Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn’t it?”

Other recruit replies, “Everyone must be watching the band.”

“There is no band on this ship.”

“No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship.”

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.

my favourite part of Orwell’s writing is when he described anime glasses flashing in 1945

LOVE love this art by @lennsan!

Music:  ＣＲＥＥＰ

I loveee pixel art :o

Three high ranking Axis soldiers are about to be interrogated

One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.

They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.

The German says, “My superior German spirit and intelligence will make it impossible for them to break me.”

The Japanese says, “It is only through my undying devotion to the Emperor that I will be able to withstand their torture.”

The Italian says, “I’m fucked.”

The German is the first to be interrogated, and as he leaves they wish him luck. Nearly a whole day passes before the German returns to the cell, covered in bruises and blood. The other two ask him what happened.

“Even my perfect genes could not protect me from their methods. I have failed my country,”

Next, the Japanese is up to be interrogated. 3 days pass and he returns to the cell. His eyes are both black, fingers broken, and body bruised and bloodied.

“I have dishonored myself and my Emperor. When they release me, I must commit honorable seppuku.”

Lastly, the Italian is up, and he leaves already begging for his life. A whole week passes before he returns. Beaten nearly to death, he is carried in by 2 soldiers. One of the soldiers jeers, “I can’t believe you guys broke instead of this dago.”

The other 2 are shocked. Amazed that this Italian could take their punishments and not break. They ask him how he did it.

“I wanted to give in immediately, but I couldn’t speak.”

“What do you mean you couldn’t speak?” The others ask.

“They tied my hands behind my back.”

Evolution

I spent the afternoon arranging our books by size and color (and it’s so satisfying and looks amazing) and my partner came home and stared in shock at the bookcase and then said “i’m a librarian, you can’t do this.”

him: you split up all the song of ice and fire books

me: yeah i know, they’re all primary colors, it’s perfect

him: [self-destructs]

You’re a monster

As a former bookstore employee, this hurts my soul. I mean, sure it looks nice, but how do you find anything?

it has occurred me during this process that apparently not everyone thinks about books by what color they are? like, literally when i’m looking for a book, i picture it in my mind. i have a very…tactile experience with the books i read and idk! i thought everyone did that lol.

my partner was like “how will i find [this book] for instance” and i replied “easy, it’s purple” and he looked at me like i was a witch.

Two old ladies were having a smoke

Jane and Arlene were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

‘Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.’

Available in:

Black | Dark blue | Blue | Red | Green | Purple | Dark grey 

https://teespring.com/nl/dirtyshirts-should-swallow

Haha this blog makes the most funny shirts I have ever seen 😂

Dont use the Magic Horn

Efficiency > feelings

Feelings or efficiency? 

Mondays... 😟

Coming into a fandom late

Coming into a fandom early and watching it become an angry clusterfuck

Being in a dormant fandom that suddenly comes alive again after a new book/movie

Don’t forget about those who come in the midst of a fandom war. 

Accuracy at its best

Being in a fandom and not even knowing there’s a war going on…

all of this shit…lol

When You’re Not In The Fandom But You’re Nosy AF

When you get into a fandom only to discover it’s dead

This gets better every time I see it. 

@fuboos-mess

Being in a dead fandom…

Or being in such a tiny fandom that it feels like youre the only one

The accuracy hurts.

Being in a fandom that had a shit ending.

When you’ve been fangirling long enough, you’ve experienced all of the above.

Being in a fandom meant for kids.

This just gets better..

@mi-kleos

When you realize that joining the fandom has ruined you

Fandom hell in general

Yes.

This^^^ just… ALL OF THIS.

Being in so many fandoms that you don’t even know what’s going on

THIS IS THE SKULDUGGERY FUCKING PLEASANT FANDOM IN ONE POST!!

Trying to recruit people to your fandom

Annnnnnndddd it’s back

Being in a fandom which has so many antis

I’ve probably reblogged this before, but that was before these great additions.

Being in a fandom that actually works together

Why is this so true? All of it.

being in a fanbase but all your mutuals suddenly turn into Kpop blogs

I always enjoy it when a good post comes around again and has been improved by the reblogs like the years for a fine wine.

Being in a fandom when shit goes down and everyone has different opinions

When you are in a fandom and don’t care for others people opinion…..even if they are right…(believe me, I have met several of those)

Being in a fandom you never meant to join

I love this. and it’s gotten better

After abandoning a fandom you’re still a little bit emotionally invested in….

THIS IS A TUMBLR RELIC! ALWAYS REBLOG!

A policeman knocked on my door this morning...

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, “Do you think I’m stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door.” I said, “You’re not coming in mate!”

He said, “I don’t want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car.”