Hi tumblr friends: I have been lurking on here for a while, wondering what I should with this account as in, should I revamp it, bring it back and see if I can keep up with updating it, expand this account to twitter as a well? or just leave it as is and keep as a memory?? I kinda want to keep this blog alive, I just don't know how many people are still on here but PLEASE let me know what you think!!

I was dreading writing this someday but unfortunately, some things we can’t change, especially in situations like this. As most of you know, Seokjin has enlisted in the military. The only emotions I have to explain how I’m feeling other than anxiety, a huge pang of sadness and this weird sense of mixed emotions I can’t exactly pinpoint. 

I have been an army for a long time and when I first got into them, their enlistment wasn’t even talked about because they were so young. Of course, as the years passed by, it started being talked about but there was this part of me that hoped that something, some miracle was going to happen so they didn’t have to do their enlistment but this was completely out of my control and I can’t change the rules, even if I wanted to with my whole being. This is happening whether I want it to or not. I knew it would happen my heart wasn’t prepared for it and I don’t think I could even if I tried. 

Ever since I was a baby army, Seokjin stood out to me, and he wasn’t even my bias at the time. I was always interested in him because sure he was handsome and talented but there was something about his personality that made me relate to him and realize that his “cold” personality wasn’t him and he is literally one of the most adorable humans I have ever seen inside and out and I needed to learn more about him. I instantly fell in love with bts and him even more. I made a dedicated blog for him (this exact one!), I watched every award show, run bts, and everything I could, and I tried not to miss out. This was the peak of my mental health is really bad and for the longest time, bts was holding me above water and bringing me joy when I felt like nothing else could. I totally believe my high school years would have been even worse without them and I will be forever grateful. 

I left being active in the fandom due to personal stuff until last year. I stumbled upon the PTD LA concert pictures and streams on twitter and seeing them together,  being their happy, free, selves during PTD brought me joy I can’t explain! It made me realize what I was missing in my life and what made me fall in love with them, to begin with. The part that made me sob was when everyone did the birthday project for Seokjin. Seeing him so happy and overwhelmed with emotion brought me so much joy. He deserved his last birthday with army in person for a while to be special and it was! I think it’s exactly what he wanted.

This year has been a hard one for a lot of us and I know this huge event will change things I want to remind everyone that we have each other! I have personally met some of the nicest people and I know I have people I can lean on during hard times! It’s okay to reach out to friends, even if they are someone you met online! Nobody has to deal with this alone and shouldn’t have to either so please, reach out, and let your feelings out! Friends, reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while who may be affected by this! We are a fandom that loves and cares about each other and it’s time to express that! We will be okay as long as we have each other. 

Seokjin,  My heart is heavy and I know this isn’t a goodbye, but a see you later, and it still makes my heart ache. I can’t put into words the impact that you and bts have had on me but it’s so huge. I know I wouldn’t be the same person without the music you have created. I will be forever thankful for you. You are my comfort, one of the funniest people I have experienced and someone with such a kind heart. Things won’t be the same without you but I promise, you have a huge list of people who will be excited and so happy to see you when your enlistment is finished, I’m one of them. 

Please stay warm, be safe and come back better than ever! We will take care so you should too! We love you, our moon! 

Jin admitting that his love songs are about you.

You and Jin going to a pride parade to support your child.

BTS HAVING A MOVIE?!

whaaaat I am so shocked yet super excited!

https://twitter.com/bts_bighit/status/1143655171899215873 link here!

Seokjin telling you how beautiful you look in your new bathing suit.

You and Jin laying in bed all day, snuggling and talking about everything.

Seokjin and you having an epic snowball fight.

College!Jin and you keep staying up way past midnight studying and having deep conversations.

Jin teaching your son how to respect women and treat them properly.

Jin secretly planning an amazing Valentine's day for you.

Jin being excited to introduce you to the members.

Jin and you adopting too many animals but you both love your little petting zoo.

Jin and you performing your hit songs during every car ride.

Seokjin respecting your feels when you express something is bothering you.

You and Jin slow dancing in your living room.

I may not be able to fix my relationship but I know I can try to fix and cope with my current mental health issues and my plan is to finally seek help & thank you, you're so kind. ❤