ambition.

.

Lily hardly knew Eli, and she knew firsthand that when you had feelings for someone, you tended to paint them in a positive light no matter what. Although she’d only heard good things up until recently, she wanted to tread with caution while giving him the benefit of the doubt. Her job was now a big question mark, as she was supposed to have been planning Eli’s wedding to Caroline and now he was having a baby with her best friend. But that was merely a professional concern, and all that she needed to know from that standpoint was whether or not there was still going to be a wedding that year so that she could book the weekend. Theo was in a far more precarious position. 

“Do you know what you’re going to do about the baby?” she asked softly, biting her bottom lip as she pondered the possibility. Of course Lily was still going to be nothing but supportive, but Eli having been engaged to another woman while having an affair with Theo certainly changed the circumstances. “I wish I knew who he was the moment I met with him.” It may have changed the game entirely, or maybe not even at all. But at least if that had been the case, Theo would’ve known earlier. “It’s not on you for having been deceived, Theo. He had countless opportunities to have come clean with you,” she assured the other woman, putting a comforting arm on her shoulder. He could’ve just not had an affair in the first place, was the follow up thought, but Lily knew all too well that judgement wouldn’t help the situation. And in the midst of everything, Lily couldn’t help but feel bad for another woman: Caroline. “You don’t have to just ‘get over it’ either, it’s okay to feel whatever you feel right now.”

.

WHERE: inside scoop. WHO: @theobowman​ & perry.

It was cold outside, sure. But was that going to stop Perry from satisfying this craving even when she knew it ended in uncontrollable teeth chattering and the inability to get warm until she’d spent at least half an hour wrapped up inside a blanket burrito? Absolutely not. 

She stood off to the side, the display of every flavor– too many flavors– stretching out before her like a buffet. Cheesecake, butter pecan, mint chocolate chip, cookie dough… Decisions were not supposed to be this hard. 

And maybe it was that difficult choice that had her guard lowered, because she’d known this would happen one day. She’d known all her luck at avoiding those parts of her past would be spent eventually. It was a small town, after all. She hadn’t expected to be caught so off guard, however. When the bell jingled above the door, she barely glanced up from the rows of ice cream to say, “You can go on ahead, I might be here a while.” And then she turned to flash a sheepish smile in the direction of whoever had just walked in. It died on her lips in an instant as her eyes fell on Theo Bowman. Her gaze trailed lower to her stomach, round with child, and Perry felt all the air leave her lungs. There was so much between them, so many years to span the distance, to reach across the chasm of the strangers they had become. It was a strange medley of feelings: happy and sad and angry and hurt– all of it dulled under the sleepiness of time long passed. 

Perry had never been graceful under pressure, and it seemed that now was no different. A few sounds that might have been the beginning of actual words left her mouth, though no actual sentiment could be found within them. She laughed nervously and shook her head. She had imagined running into Theo thousands of times, had rehearsed scripts in her head of what she’d say. She could remember none of it now. “Oh. Wow. Theo, you’re–” She had to force her eyes to return to a face she both knew so well and didn’t know at all. Her smile was tight, unsure. “Honestly, of all the places I thought this would happen, I gotta admit, this was not one of them.”

Theo initially assumed that pregnancy cravings were not real. She’d never spent enough time around a pregnant person to know otherwise. She herself liked to believe that she had simply bloomed into the Bowman household as a young child. These doubts were quickly dismissed when she found that she was having weird cravings. The least worrying of them being ice cream. Normally she wasn’t an ice cream person at all. Growing up she’d absolutely avoided it, which made it being one the things she was craving now. 

.

“Theo,” Leslie said incredulously, her face twisted in disbelief. A budding frustration was blooming in her chest, one that was dangerously close to anger. She didn’t know how much clearer she needed to be, what else she needed to say, to make her sister believe her, so her name was the only thing she was able to say. The silence that followed was heavy and hollow, only broken by the sound by the doorbell.

“Don’t answer it,” she commanded, not turning to watch. She didn’t think she’d be able to handle watching Theo believe someone else over her. “I’ll leave first, and then you can buy into his bullshit. I’m not going to fucking watch it, though.”

.

• @theobowman​

Since moving away from the downtown, Mickey often didn’t have many excuses to return there- it wasn’t as though he’d made an excellent impression on the neighbours that he’d had when he was there. In fact, he was certain that one of the only people from the four months he had been living there that he still talked to often was Theo. And it was in her doorway that he found himself at, a paper bag of groceries hoisted on his hip, filled with the items that he used to pick up for the both of them. It was a ritual that he liked, and as a result, had continued after moving out. Balling up his fist, Mick leaned in, knocking on the door to get her attention. “Theo, you there?”

.

.

Though the topic of conversation had the ability to make him a little uncomfortable– even with so many years between them and the what could have beens– Nate found he felt little more than contentment. That one path in his life had taken the better course. That their relationship might have even been made better for it.

“Eli.” Nate echoed, eyes scanning lazily about the room before they slid back first to the drink in his hand and then to her. “He’s the one–” His eyes dropped meaningfully to her belly and back again, lips lifting ever so slightly in the corners in an attempt to lighten the burden he could so clearly written across her face, “–half-responsible for the demon fetus, right? What’d he do? Wake up on the wrong side of a horoscope?”

.

His empty apology wasn’t the worst answer that he could have given her, but it was close enough. Listening to his words––which felt like a punch in the gut and absolutely nothing all at once, the reality refusing to set in––elicited nothing but a blank stare from Caroline. She felt, perhaps for the first time, that she had been rendered speechless, her brain simultaneously turning the present situation over while going completely blank. She could hear Eli very clearly––he was sorry, he couldn’t marry her––and yet, one phrase reverberated through her mind like a mallet striking a bell. This is not how this was supposed to happen.

“Supposed to happen?” she repeated, doing what she could to keep her voice steady, though she could feel the emotion welling up in her throat, threatening to betray the unaffected visage she was managing to put on with some success. She took a brief pause, wanting the weight of Eli’s words to fill the air between them so that he could acknowledge how ridiculous they were to think, let alone say aloud. How was someone supposed to leave their fiancée? The woman who loved them? She could concede that he was right on one front: it wasn’t like this, on Valentine’s Day, at a party, in front of another woman. The fact that he hadn’t even excused her or asked to speak to Caroline alone hurt more than anything––more than the way he had been treating her, more than the way he treated her now, so unemotional in the face of his own infidelity. Of course, he hadn’t explicitly owned up to that yet, but Caroline was no idiot, despite the fact that Eli seemed so intent on making one of her.

“How was this supposed to happen, Eli?” she finally spoke up, eyes narrowed as she stared at him, as if she didn’t even see Theo in the room. She didn’t want to see Theo in the room. Wasn’t she at least owed the dignity of being heartbroken and humiliated in private? Did her embarrassment demand an audience? “How exactly were you supposed to tell me that you didn’t want to marry me?” And suddenly, a worse thought occurred to her––worse than his attitude, than his cheating, than the fact that his mistress stood behind him now, looking at her. “How long have you known?”

.

.

“Oh, fuck.” Ryder muttered, hearing the surprise in his own small outburst. He hadn’t meant to say it outloud — hadn’t meant to convey that he hadn’t known. He wasn’t even entirely sure why. Embarrassment that Leslie hadn’t told him? That he hadn’t thought to ask? Or something different entirely — a brief pang of guilt at the prospect that because he hadn’t played his cards right, the woman on the opposite side of the too-small space seemed like some sort of shameful secret. And maybe she was, he didn’t fucking know — but he couldn’t get past the feeling that it wasn’t his place to tip that hand. It would’ve been helpful to have a goddamn tip, though. 

The silence had taken on a new weight, and though he would’ve emptied his entire wallet to get it back just thirty seconds ago, he would’ve now done the same for the barbed insults to return. He ran a thumb along his jaw, as though that motion would work the correct words free and he wouldn’t be standing there like a jackass. “I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t know what to fuckin’ say here.” He said after the quiet seemed to have stretched on for longer than he could stand. He leaned back against the wall, trying to parse out any resemblance between Leslie and the woman claiming relation. He had no reason to believe she was lying — the full government name help. He raised his shoulders in a slight shrug, words riding on a sigh. “Look, not for nothing, but we don’t  — we haven’t talked a whole lot of family shit.” 

.

.

“And are we not having a good storm right now?” Leslie asked with raised eyebrows. She rolled her eyes after a brief pause and waved her hand dismissively. “It wouldn’t have hurt you to be fucking nice to him, but whatever. It’s done. Mom doesn’t know he’s here and I’d like to keep it that way. You know she’s going to go fucking running as soon as she sees him.”

.

.

What was a mostly happy experience had turned out to be more complicated than usual, with Lily finding out that the father of Theo’s child was not only engaged, but was actually one of her wedding planning clients. “What do you say to Mean Girls? Always a classic,” the brunette suggested, trying her best to lighten the mood. But she realized that no matter how much she may try, she might’ve just needed to let Theo go through the motions of everything. 

Lily was in no place to judge, she had dated a man who had another girlfriend - albeit that information being unbeknownst to her at the time, until the producers decided that it was time for her to know. “Have you seen him at all tonight?” Lily asked quietly, biting her lower lip and looking down at her shoes. It was a tense situation, and as their wedding planner she didn’t feel comfortable opining more than necessary even though her best friend was caught in the middle. “I understand, and I’m here in any way you need me to be. Even if it’s both of us having Shirley Temples and just sitting in the common room for a little while, away from the music.” Away from him. 

Before Lily could prod further, an announcement was made that a shelter-in-place warning had been issued until further notice. Turning to her best friend with eyes widening, Lily sighed as she glanced out of the window, eyebrows arching further in surprise as she noticed just how heavy the snowfall had become. “Well, rain check on the movies. But we can at least just hang out here. Please don’t pull a Gone Girl, at least not without me.”

.

.

“Lucky for you, I would absolutely never have gone with prune juice. I have way better taste than that,” Riley chuckled. Letting her attention shift for a moment, she glanced around to find the best way to go get the juice in question. It took a moment of looking before she spotted the area towards the back of the bar space where the coolers were, which was where she saw them pulling some of the mixers out of.  “Alright, hang tight, I’ve got you.” With that, she popped away, striding right over towards the area, acting like she owned the place. Sliding right back around behind the bar, she bent down and opened up the small fridge, pulling out a bottle of apple juice to take with her.

Grabbing two glasses on her way back out from behind the area, Riley offered a few bright grins as she garnered some questioning looks, ultimately not getting stopped or asked any questions. She’d always found that if you acted like you owned the place, people would be apt to believe it. Placing the two glasses down in front of Theo, she filled them both up and handed one towards the other woman. “Cheers. It may not be alcohol, but at least you can pretend.”

.

.

“Oh, no, no,” Leslie replied with an exaggerated shake of her head. “You’re not saying another goddamn word to him. Homeless, Theo? Fucking really?” She looked at her sister incredulously for a beat longer before she shook her head, a small, exasperated sigh leaving her lips. “All I’m asking is that if you see him and Mom entering the same radius, you play referee. Keep her away from him. That’s all.” She flashed a smile, however forced. “I’ll do the same.”

.

When things in Crescent Harbor were over the top, they were over the top. Even though they claimed that this was a more ‘laid back’ event, Oliver knew that it wasn’t always the case when it came to people with money. Oliver attended most galas with his work, a lot of the medical community raised a good amount for specific charities in the area, so his contribution didn’t go unnoticed. The animal shelter was an important part of his life considering he’d received his own corgi from there a few years back when he first moved there. But charity events, especially in this town, seemed a bit smaller than usual– people wise, at least. He didn’t want to admit that he might see someone there that he’d obviously been longing to see, but instead, he talked the talk with the important people in the room like he always did. His eyes trying to catch anyone who came into the doorway.

The station in front of the drinks seemed to be light on people, so he discovered that it may be easier to get a drink before grabbing a bite to eat. It was always touch and go with these events; sometimes there wasn’t any food at all, but this seemed to be a small fare of items that would keep him full for the rest of the night if he continued to find waiters with appetizers. As he approached the table, he noticed that the woman next to him seemed to be in a bit of a haze; maybe she hadn’t been entirely sure what she wanted, or was deciphering between a few. He didn’t want to bother her, but when her voice reigned a bit towards him, he turned to her and pondered the question. “Juice?” He asked, shaking his head a little bewildered. “I don’t know if there is really any juice around here,” He bit at his lip a little bit before picking up a flute of champagne that seemingly needed a little bit more in it. “I’m sure you could find water somewhere, though.” Taking a sip of his own glass, he chuckled a little bit. “Are the drinks too strong for you? I feel like they do that on purpose so that someone steals the microphone towards the end and starts doing karaoke off the cusp.”

.

Leslie hadn’t spoken much to Theo since the incident, but now wasn’t really the time to think about pride or semantics or feelings. She plucked the glass of water from her sister’s fingers and drank the rest of it quickly, holding up a finger that just said wait.

“Okay, um, Mom and Dad are downstairs, y’know, dealing with the whole we’re stuck here shit. And Ryder’s here now. He’s very drunk, feeling very fun, and for him, that is very dangerous. He doesn’t have the best Valentines Day gala track record, and I will scream if Mom’s first impression of him is who I fear he’s going to be tonight.” She put down the empty glass on the closest table and stepped closer to Theo, her eyebrows raised. “I know Eli is here. I would hate to have to… distract if, let’s say, I lose track of Ryder and I don’t have my little sister to back me up? Keep Mom away from him? Because then I’d have to point out Eli to her and…” She blew hot air from her cheeks. “I mean, that’s if she hasn’t seen him yet.”

.

.

Even in the midst of the chaos, her touch was still electrifying. Each footstep felt heavy behind her, the words lining themselves up in his head, even as none of them felt like enough. They weren’t enough. The beginning and the end of it was that he had been weak. From the start, he had been weak. Ten years ago, he’d been weak. Three months ago, he’d been weak. 

He was going to try to change that now.

Eli drew in a heavy sigh, slipping his hands into his pockets as he studied the ground a long moment before he looked up at her. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” It was a weak start and he wanted to kick himself for it. He shook his head as if to clear it and try again. “I don’t have an excuse, Theo. If it had been anyone else, this never would have happened. You–” Another sigh and he pinched the bridge of his nose. This didn’t feel like the right way to say it, either. “I have had one path to follow my entire life. Get an education, become a doctor, get married to a doctor, have children who become doctors. I have never been allowed to want things. And I know– God, I know– it sounds like a flimsy excuse and it probably is one. But this has been my life, Theo. I didn’t know anything else.

“And then I met you. And you weren’t part of the plan. And ten years has gone by and I saw you again and… I’ve never stopped wanting you. This life that I’m living right now? It was the plan. It was the thing I did because I knew I was supposed to. But you, Theo. I–” His words choked off, hands reaching into the empty space between them as if they could fill in the words in his heart that he couldn’t seem to say. And if he said the words that now waited behind his teeth, clung to them like toffee, he knew how bad they would sound. But he’d promised to be honest. “I don’t love her. Not like I should. This engagement was for my parents. It was part of their plan. But I don’t think I can follow their plan anymore. I tried once. I let you go before. I don’t think I could do it again.”

.

If the entirety of their conversation before wasn’t incentive enough to shut him up, her saying she was pregnant sure was. He paused for a bead, his eyes unconsciously flickering down to her stomach. Well, he royally fucked this one up… All hope down the toilet, he shrugged. “You sure that’s not just the pregnancy?” 

.

.

“There’s a fine line between denial and stupidity, Theo,” Leslie replied, her tone gentle in spite of her words. “His fiancée and I were talking, she said she’s there to meet with their wedding planner, he comes up, she says he’s her fiancé. Her name is Caroline something, I don’t know. I didn’t ask, but I’m not running this on a fucking assumption.”

Her eyes drifted down to Theo’s stomach. She knew now wasn’t the time to remind her that it wasn’t too late to fix this, that there was a way to neatly wrap this deception up and pretend it never happened, so she didn’t say it. She thought it, and maybe it showed in her eyes when they met Theo’s again. 

“I don’t know what else to say.” The pause was heavy, but not necessarily uncomfortable. “Tell me what else you want me to say and I’ll say it. But I can’t tell you I made a mistake.”

.