Avatar

Hilichurl Rights’s Main

@hilichurl-rights

graves // I’m actually @hilichurlrights go there
Avatar

Staying warm tips for people in inconvenient situations!

Source: I’m half Scandinavian, I’ve spent many winters in -42 degrees weather (F and C temperature scales meet around -42 degrees), it gets cold as balls here, and I’m a horse person so knowing how to keep vulnerable creatures warm in really freaking cold weather is a necessity.

If you have a baby:

  • Use a permanent sling to affix the baby to your chest. Keep that sucker real close when it’s too cold. Babies are calmed by colder weather, but keep an eye out for infants that are too lethargic and won’t wake up. The closer an infant is to your skin, the warmer it stays, and the warmer you’ll stay for sharing body heat.
  • Babies don’t need to be bathed that often or that long in freezing weather. If you absolutely must, bathe an infant in warm, not hot water, and only for ~10 minutes, then immediately dry with warm, clean towels, and put on dry clothes.
  • Prioritize bundling up feet, hands, and face (the extremities). This is where infants lose heat first. In freezing weather, start with a skin-tight layer, like leggings and a onesie/bodysuit, then add socks, gloves, hats, and more layers. Warm boots, gloves/mittens, and beanies/caps will go a long way. The general rule is that however many layers you’re wearing, add one for the baby.
  • Infants may become overheated in too many layers, even if it’s freezing. Watch out for red faces and more irritability than usual; if this happens, remove a layer and re-evaluate.
  • If an infant has skin that is cold to the touch, their extremities are cold, red, or hard to the touch, they are lethargic and unresponsive, or they are particularly teary-eyed for no reason, this is a problem. DO NOT RUB COLD SKIN TO WARM THE INFANT UP; THIS WILL DAMAGE FREEZING SKIN EVEN MORE. Use a warm washcloth and try not to rub too much. Use small, slow motions, and mostly gentle compression. If you are completely unable wake an infant, seek immediate medical attention.

If you have younger children:

  • Many of the same rules apply as when you have a baby. They should wear more layers than an adult human. They will get cold faster. Younger children have less body fat and more surface area than an adult, and will get cold a lot faster than an average-sized adult will. Check their extremities, feel their skin for whether it’s cold to the touch, ask them how they’re feeling, and gauge their alertness and mental status. A good way to check alertness is age-appropriate mental math. This is also a good method to make sure your child wakes up in the morning without going right back to sleep. A lethargic, drowsy, or unresponsive child is too cold.
  • You can rub a child who’s too warm; their skin is much stronger than that of an infant. Refrain from rubbing if their skin is freezing to the touch or hard, use the same warm washcloth method. Children don’t have to bathe that often if it’s unbearably cold for a week or two.
  • Now is not the time for gender roles or age-appropriate wear! Children will be warmest in tights (i.e. those usually worn by young girls), and the tallest socks you have, preferably several layers of socks and underclothes, and many layers of tank top + long sleeve + t-shirt + jacket + coat. Keep children close to you when possible to share body heat, and monitor them if you ever start feeling cold, because they’re almost always colder.

If you have an elderly person living with you:

  • Same protocol as babies: however many layers you have, plus one. Elderly people get colder more easily. Help them to wear many layers (that thermal underwear/several sets of pantyhose/velour tracksuit/many coats combo does wonders), make sure their hands, feet, and face are well protected from the cold, and try to ensure that someone else is physically close to them to monitor them and share body heat. You can’t be too cuddly when it’s freezing. Also monitor for overheating, just like with infants.
  • Scattering clothes all over the floor is great insulation, but if you live with an elderly person who may trip, skip this step. Elderly folks should still move around in the cold to keep them going and keep them producing warmth. Take walks with them, even around a single room, and make sure they can’t trip over anything. If you need the extra layer of insulation, flannel bedsheets (or anything but silk) will do good, without causing such a tripping hazard.
  • Make sure elderly people on medication continue to take it. If you’re worried about freezing weather, check their supply and make sure you have enough to last you through at least one wave of cold. Be aware of existing health conditions so you can know how the cold weather may affect them specifically.

If someone is compromised in health:

  • Meds, meds, meds. You must have enough medication to last at least one wave of cold, and any other things needed to maintain health. You really don’t want to be taking trips to the ER when it’s that cold.
  • If someone has paralyzed limbs, KEEP THEM WARM. Frostbite and other such things can still screw you over big-time, even if it’s on parts of your body that you can’t feel. Make sure to check the extremities and immobile parts of anyone with such conditions regularly to make sure they’re staying warm.
  • If someone is not physically ill, but takes medications, be sure to check how those medications can affect body temperature regulation. Beta-blockers and calcium channel blockers slow the body’s responses and make one more susceptible to cold. These medications are usually prescribed for blood pressure regulation, and for people with certain cardiovascular conditions.
  • Depressant drugs will make you colder. DON’T DRINK ALCOHOL TO WARM UP. Alcohol will make the cold worse, not better, because it depresses your body’s response. Other depressant drugs have the same effect: mind people on anti-convulsants, barbituates, sleeping medications, Ativan, Xanax, Valium, Phenobarbital, etc. Look things up before you learn the hard way what they do. The cold is not the time to do drugs, if that’s the kind of thing you’re into. For those on these drugs for prescriptions, keep a closer eye on them, and check their extremities and responses regularly. Excessive lethargy/drowsiness in anyone is a sign of the cold getting to them.
  • Anyone sick gets cold easier than usual, and gets more sick much easier than usual. Keep a close eye on those compromised in health, because they’ll usually be among the first to have problems.

If you have pets:

  • Mammals (dogs, cats, horses) need extra warmth. Coats. Layers. Your own socks. A blanket. Larger animals will stay warmer longer. Cats are especially susceptible to cold, so make them cuddle sometimes even if they don’t want to (purring will help them stay warm, though), and any animals should not get wet when it’s that cold. When your dog(s) has/have to go out, put socks on their feet, then if it’s wet or snowy outside plastic-wrap them, rubber-band plastic baggies to their feet, whatever you can to provide a waterproof layer between the ground and their socks. Wet fabric will make a mammal even colder. Duct-tape on top of socks is a good solution, too. If your animals are friends with each other, they may as well huddle for warmth. Throw a blanket over your pets, if they’ll tolerate it, in extreme cold.
  • Rodents and rabbits don’t take cold well at all, worse than many other mammals. Take care to keep them bundled up and warm, even if they have to wear your socks and hats and old t-shirts to do it. If your pets aren’t cuddly, well, they may have to learn.
  • Reptiles (snakes, lizards, etc.) will get cold very fast, especially without heating lamps or other measures. “There’s a snake in my boobs” is no longer just a meme. If your snake is cuddly, keep it touching your skin. If not, allow yourself a layer or two between you and an animal that may bite you, but keep reptiles close.
  • Many amphibians are OK in freezing weather, as many of them hibernate. Frogs can survive in weather down to 19 degrees F for weeks, but if it dips below that, give them some help and do your best to keep them warm enough without making them too warm. Hibernating animals should hibernate; it’s how they keep warm in the cold and it’s a necessary process.
  • Birds get cold. Huddle, give them a sock with some holes in it as a sweater, check them to make sure they’re warm enough. Parrots, parakeets, and many songbirds are especially susceptible to the cold.
  • Whichever animal you have, research how well it tolerates the cold to see how much you need to worry. Always check your pets for signs of being too cold or too warm, in any kind of weather, as pets may overheat when it’s cold if you’ve helped them too much. For rarer pets, research thoroughly how to keep them in colder weather. If you worry that your pet won’t survive or won’t do well with you, consider speaking to a friend or someone you trust who will have a warm enough climate/indoor heating to watch your pet before cold may strike. Better safe and a little lonely than sorry.

When things are heading south, prioritize the baby, then the elderly person, then the sick person, then the young child, then the teens and adults. Adjust as needed, and place pets as they go, because they can also be young, elderly, or ill. People with more body fat will stay warmer.

General tips for warmth:

  • Gender roles are abandoned when it’s that cold. Women’s tights are a godsend. Wear as many as you can layer, especially the ones marked “thermal”. Shapewear will help immensely. Silk won’t do much; prioritize cotton and wool.
  • WOOL IS SO GODDAMN WARM. There’s warmth, and there’s wearing multiple layers of wool. People in history didn’t have central heating, but they did have woolen undergarments.
  • Crappy, non-breathable fabrics will do a lot to retain body heat. Remember what was stifling in the summer? Layer with it. Plastic-y, synthetic fabrics suck for athletic wear, but they’re great for keeping you warm when all else fails. And if all else really fails, and you’re in immediate danger of frostbite, duct-tape and plastic wrap.
  • Try not to sweat. The more you work out, the more heat you’ll produce, but the more you’ll perspire. Moisture is the enemy of staying warm. Wet will make cold much worse, so if you find yourself working hard enough to sweat, wipe it away with warm, or at least dry, fabrics and try to sweat as little as possible. You don’t want to keep cool when you’re trying to stave off frostbite.
  • Wear a mask, especially close-fitting ones made of fabric, but even disposable will do. Remember how unpleasant they are in hot weather? Masks provide another barrier against the cold, and they protect some of the most sensitive parts of your body. Your own warm breath will do a lot to warm your face when it’s reflected back onto you. Don’t be afraid to breathe onto your loved ones in close quarters either. Or wear multiple masks at once. As long as you can breathe, you can get warmer.
  • Cuddle puddle for ultimate warmth, especially while sleeping. More warm bodies means more warmth. Carefully place those most vulnerable nearer to the center, being careful not to crush anyone. Babies, children, older folks, and health-compromised folks will do best sandwiched between two people, if possible. If not, prioritize to put the most vulnerable between the less vulnerable.
  • If you have a working fireplace, use it. Remember that only dry wood will burn. Stock up on kindling (I suggest newspaper to get the flame started and a lot of twigs/sticks/dry leaves), then mid-sized logs. Heavier wood contains more to burn, but should be added once the fire is well and going. Greener wood won’t burn as well. Very lightweight logs, regardless of size, will be good to start, but won’t offer much time. Keeping a fire going will require a lot less energy than stopping and starting it, so keep an eye on it. This is also a good way to heat food, to get two birds with one stone. Warm food will always do more in the cold than room temperature or cold food. Stock up on wood before the cold hits, and keep it in a dry place, even if it’s not your warm room. Wet wood will offer nothing when it’s already cold.
  • If you own tarp, you own free insulation. That stuff’s insane. Throw it between a couple blankets, or on the floor, or against the window.
  • Candles. And good-quality lighters. A solid tri-wick, long-lasting candle can smell as awful Joann will sell and still keep several people warm in sub-zero temperatures.

That’s all I can think of now, but feel free to add on. Stay warm, and stay safe.

Avatar
Avatar
lytefoot

Hey, so they’re making a Netflix Harry Potter.

With that in mind, we’re all gonna remember that JKR is a terf who has literally been cited by legislators engaged in legislation that actively harms trans people, and we’re not gonna give her any more money.

That means not streaming the new show on Netflix, because regardless of how much influence she has on the production, she gets paid for it.

We’re gonna make the show flop. We’re gonna show Warner Brothers that we don’t forget (of course, how would we forget, it isn’t as if she’s stopped), and that their business association with terfs is no longer profitable.

It is NOT like Lovecraft, because Lovecraft is very dead and his works are in the public domain. By consuming Lovecraft media, you are not giving any money to old Howard.

reblogging this again to say some googling led to the tentative conclusion that the new remake will be on HBO max, which is owned by WarnerMedia. Netflix hasn’t hosted anything Harry Potter since early 2020, presumably because Warner is trying to direct the hp audience to their own streaming service.

Not subscribing to WarnerMedia will be very easy

Avatar

“When I was 26, I went to Indonesia and the Philippines to do research for my first book, No Logo. I had a simple goal: to meet the workers making the clothes and electronics that my friends and I purchased. And I did. I spent evenings on concrete floors in squalid dorm rooms where teenage girls—sweet and giggly—spent their scarce nonworking hours. Eight or even 10 to a room. They told me stories about not being able to leave their machines to pee. About bosses who hit. About not having enough money to buy dried fish to go with their rice.

They knew they were being badly exploited—that the garments they were making were being sold for more than they would make in a month. One 17-year-old said to me: “We make computers, but we don’t know how to use them.”

So one thing I found slightly jarring was that some of these same workers wore clothing festooned with knockoff trademarks of the very multinationals that were responsible for these conditions: Disney characters or Nike check marks. At one point, I asked a local labor organizer about this. Wasn’t it strange—a contradiction?

It took a very long time for him to understand the question. When he finally did, he looked at me like I was nuts. You see, for him and his colleagues, individual consumption wasn’t considered to be in the realm of politics at all. Power rested not in what you did as one person, but what you did as many people, as one part of a large, organized, and focused movement. For him, this meant organizing workers to go on strike for better conditions, and eventually it meant winning the right to unionize. What you ate for lunch or happened to be wearing was of absolutely no concern whatsoever.

This was striking to me, because it was the mirror opposite of my culture back home in Canada. Where I came from, you expressed your political beliefs—firstly and very often lastly—through personal lifestyle choices. By loudly proclaiming your vegetarianism. By shopping fair trade and local and boycotting big, evil brands.

These very different understandings of social change came up again and again a couple of years later, once my book came out. I would give talks about the need for international protections for the right to unionize. About the need to change our global trading system so it didn’t encourage a race to the bottom. And yet at the end of those talks, the first question from the audience was: “What kind of sneakers are OK to buy?” “What brands are ethical?” “Where do you buy your clothes?” “What can I do, as an individual, to change the world?”

Fifteen years after I published No Logo, I still find myself facing very similar questions. These days, I give talks about how the same economic model that superpowered multinationals to seek out cheap labor in Indonesia and China also supercharged global greenhouse-gas emissions. And, invariably, the hand goes up: “Tell me what I can do as an individual.” Or maybe “as a business owner.”

The hard truth is that the answer to the question “What can I, as an individual, do to stop climate change?” is: nothing. You can’t do anything. In fact, the very idea that we—as atomized individuals, even lots of atomized individuals—could play a significant part in stabilizing the planet’s climate system, or changing the global economy, is objectively nuts. We can only meet this tremendous challenge together. As part of a massive and organized global movement.

The irony is that people with relatively little power tend to understand this far better than those with a great deal more power. The workers I met in Indonesia and the Philippines knew all too well that governments and corporations did not value their voice or even their lives as individuals. And because of this, they were driven to act not only together, but to act on a rather large political canvas. To try to change the policies in factories that employ thousands of workers, or in export zones that employ tens of thousands. Or the labor laws in an entire country of millions. Their sense of individual powerlessness pushed them to be politically ambitious, to demand structural changes.

In contrast, here in wealthy countries, we are told how powerful we are as individuals all the time. As consumers. Even individual activists. And the result is that, despite our power and privilege, we often end up acting on canvases that are unnecessarily small—the canvas of our own lifestyle, or maybe our neighborhood or town. Meanwhile, we abandon the structural changes—the policy and legal work— to others.”

Avatar
stele3

This is why the media keeps pumping out articles about plastic straws and avocados that focuses on what we, individually, are doing to destroy the environment, when really the most pollution comes from multinational corporations and the only thing that will save us is global collective action.

I think about this quote all the time.

Avatar

Real talk time.

Colonialism still exists. The effects of original colonization still exist.

Native Hawaiians cannot afford to live on our own land. Everyday tourism kills us.

We are fined for using our water. We are screamed at by tourists. We are stacked in concrete apartments the size of shoe boxes. Waiting lists for apartments are decades long. The government never provides aid. The money that belongs to us is wasted on half finished monorails and hotels. Tourist take pictures of us like we’re an attraction.

In 2018, the UN acknowledged the present day occupation of Hawai’i. And they did nothing.

“The Living Wage Calculator from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) says that one adult in Honolulu needs to make $16.59 per hour for a living wage. If that is a couple with 2 children, each adult needs to make $17.70 per hour.”

-RealHawaii.Co

My culture, my people, are sexualized, ignored and stepped on.

We cannot live. And everyday more of us die.

And no one even notices. So notice. Notice. Notice.

Avatar
Avatar
ip2lb

Holy fuck

This works best if you keep windows closed.

Another design is using 2 20x25x1 filters, taping them to the sides of the box fan and then to each other so they sort of make a triangle, then cutting cardboard to make a top and bottom to the triangle.

This was discovered as a more effective design during the 2020 US west coast fires.

Avatar
runcibility

If you live on the west coast of the United States, fire season is coming and this is vital.

Avatar
derryday

@thebibliosphere, this might be helpful for you…?

Oh hey, the triangle one looks interesting.

Avatar
Avatar
cursedwoods

white people hijack every single movement they join

white feminism is inherently racist and white women are a danger to poc

trends on tiktok like the 'shut it off' one show how self trained white women are to cry on command to get things they want, this does not mean anything by itself, but in the context of historical incidents, this is not only a weapon but one that can be pulled at any moment of disagreement with a poc, most commonly men of color therefore weaponizing the security of the white woman over the "violent brown/black man".

white feminism and white politics are centered around the exclusion of the perceived enemy which targets marginalized demographics such as poc, trans folk and sex workers, and about anyone who can be seen as a threat to the white womanhood and the white man's rage.

this is encouraged to be rbed by white folk but I'm not open to discussing anything with anyone.

Avatar

I saw some #discourse go by about how adults shouldn’t be in fandom writing about younger characters because it’s uncomfortable and gross to younger people to have adults ‘thinking about them’ in romantic/sexual terms.

1, This is not a restriction that any writers in any other venue have to deal with, wtf, or the entire YA genre would be banished; 2, Excuse you, children of Tumblr, no one is thinking about you.

If other people in fandom are older than you, by definition, they have been your age. When fans write about younger characters, we’re not peering through a keyhole at young people now and creeping on them.

We are drawing on our own experiences, thoughts, feelings and memories of what it was like when we were that age.

No one has the right to ask older writers to cut themselves off from their own past just because young’uns don’t want to acknowledge that people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, all of them, were also young once. I’m 41, but I remember vividly what it was like to be 14. If I write a high school AU, it’s about my high school experience, even if I were to set it in the present day and decorate it with some (probably comically out of touch) Stuff The Kids Are Into Now. If I write a high school AU with sex, it’s because I remember that too! I’m not thinking about kids today, why would I– I have my own experiences to draw on. And honestly, sometimes there are things about being young that you don’t really understand until you’re much older and have some perspective– and that’s worth writing about.

If someone is genuinely a creeper, you’ll know, because they’ll ask you questions about you. But people who aren’t even directly interacting with you, who are just expressing themselves in fiction, are not a threat to you, and it’s not creepy for them to draw on their own experiences and their own past to write about younger characters.

Avatar
ardwynna

Some responses from younger people here, and in other similar discussions:

1) We’re making them uncomfortable by writing teen characters

2) there are all these adult characters we should be writing about instead

3) they’re here for escapism and don’t like being reminded of ‘things like that’

To which it must be said:

1) if you’re uncomfortable, stop reading it. It’s not our job to babyproof fandom for you. It’s your job to recognize personal boundaries and protect yourself. Fandom is a shared space. Get used to it.

2) we write about the characters we find interesting, same way you do. Age has very little to do with that. I know you don’t believe me now, but I also know you’ll understand when you’re older.

3) We’re here for escapism too, buddy, and if that means imaginary harking back to a time before cholesterol tests and taxes, so be it. Not our problem you can’t handle reminders that older people had young lives just like yours, and that you too will be one of us soon enough.

Avatar
boatsaplenty

Plucking any one memory from high school out of my past just makes it sound so funny to hear teenagers rallying against sexual content. 

“You can’t write about your own life before 30 because it makes me uncomfortable.”

Then don’t read it. I didn’t write it for you.

Then don’t read it. I didn’t write it for you.

That’s it, that’s the thing that gets me the most.

Here’s one small example that I recall from years ago: someone barely out of their teens raided an adult artist’s private account after gaining their trust, deliberately found adult erotica of animal characters, and shared it with other teenagers claiming it was to protect them and that the artist was dangerous. Then a bunch of these teens fabricated accusations, doxxed the artist, nearly got them fired, and began harassing, bullying, and threatening similar artists. The private art had been properly tagged. It would have had to have been a deliberate act with malicious intent to hack them, steal the art, and then expose it to minors. The bullies backpedaled when caught and decided to double down in the name of “it’s gross and making us uncomfortable so the artists deserve to die.”

That seems to be a trend: Threatening death and cartoonish physical harm to anyone who writes, reads, and even doesn’t mind sexual content, particularly if the characters are attractive to the antis themselves. “If I can’t have these fictional characters, nobody can” taken to a new level. They don’t seem to want to redirect their energy toward reporting actual predators, many of whom are in their own community.

These kids are obviously allowed to feel uncomfortable and grossed out when seeing art they don’t like. But the real world actions they take against artists have consequences that can be far more damning than adults writing and drawing fiction that wasn’t meant for them in the first place.

The part that really gets me is that OP posted this in 2017… and the purity culture rhetoric and associated positions have just gotten more and more extreme since then.

Avatar

seriously, tho, shelters and rescues are being slammed HARD by kitten season this year.  i mean, we always are, but this year seems extra bad.  shelters are in desperate need of:

  • Towels
  • Kitten Milk Replacer (kmr)
  • Baby kitten kibble (like with the teeny tiny kibbles like royal canin’s babycat formula)
  • Baby kitten soft food
  • Heating pads (kittens need SO MUCH HEAT)
  • Pine litter (baby kittens can’t use clumping litter because they try to eat it or it gets stuck to their bottoms and clumps up)
  • Unflavored pedialyte
  • little kitten pens (like the kind you keep kittens IN, not the kind you write with)
  • feeding syringes, bottles, and nipples
  • money
  • Fosters!!!  this is probably the thing we need more than anything else, tbh. 

This year IS especially bad. It’s not in your head. It’s a direct result of the pandemic.

(I know you know this, but I want people reading to really understand).

Basically, one year ago private nonprofit spay/neuter clinics, other rescue nonprofits, and TNR trappers were both more or less grounded, as their legal status re:essential services was up for debate.

When bog standard vet clinics were given the green light, regular veterinary capacity diminished because of their need to meet new safety standards. So you had

1. Basically zero nonprofit clinics

2. Basically zero trapping

3. Incredibly reduced capacity for for-profit care

And it got cleared up eventually. It was a confusing time. But remember when the lockdown first hit? In March?

Y’know, the start of kitten season?

The confusing “can we operate? guess we’ll wait and see. gosh you can’t even find a single spay appointment huh” time last year happened to correspond pretty directly to what is usually our busiest trapping season.

The kitten season we are seeing this year, which is SO BAD, and seems to be SO BAD literally across the country, is what happens when volunteers and underpaid animal rescuers take a single kitten season off.

All the kitten that were born last year that would’ve been trapped and homed and their mothers spayed were instead… left to roam and grow up and now it’s their first kitten season as breeding adults and as a result the rescue community, under-supported most of the time, is just completely overwhelmed.

So, hey, if you’re reading this: Go donate to a cat rescue or animal shelter. Do it right now. And you know what’s even better than donating? Volunteering to foster. It’s rewarding, it’s fun, it’s all the benefits of getting a cat or kitten without the long term commitment. And it will literally save lives. Every rescue we know right now would commit crimes for more reliable fosters.

And most rescues will help you cover basic food costs and supplies, so you don’t even need money, just space. (And that’s why, if you can’t foster, donations help! So that rescues can do that for their fosters!)

If you can’t foster and you can’t donate, at least boost this.

Help a local cat rescue. If we’re going to do anything to bring this problem back into even normal levels of bad, we need to be acting as fast as possible. This year more than any, rescues really really need your help.

Avatar
Avatar
windwardstar

In case anyone wants some perspective on how utterly random triggers can be. I haven’t lived in a house with a garage door in four-ish years. Right now at this moment, I honestly can’t recall what they sound like, except something metallic moving and rather clanky.

There was one on tv. I wasn’t even paying attention to it, I had my headphones on and was actively trying to tune the show out. My ears picked up on the sound of the garage door, and a jolt of adrenaline shot through my body as I grabbed my laptop and moved to get out of my seat and run to my room.

I realized what happened after about two seconds.

The sound is gone from my ears, but my heart is still racing and I’m waiting for the door to the house to open, to hear the jingling of my mother’s keys and her footsteps moving through the house. My muscles are still tense and I’m fighting the urge to run to my room and stick a board in front of the door.

For years, the sound of a garage door was my warning to pack up what I was doing quickly and retreat to my room if I was out of it.

I can’t remember the sound of the garage door right now, but I can’t tell my brain to stop trying to react to it.

This can be reblogged, if anyone was wondering. I wrote up this post with the intention that hopefully people who read it and didn’t really get triggers would understand a bit.

So, a thing that’s particularly important here: The trigger here is not the bad experience itself.

after my super funtime medical adventure, i had to change all my bath products, because my brain had associated the scent of them with being terrified and in extreme pain.

these were products i had chosen myself because i liked the smell. and they got connected to the medical phobia because i was using them to wash off the hospital reek and the fear sweat and so forth. i don’t know why they became a trigger. maybe because washing off the hospital smell didn’t make me not in pain. maybe because their ‘fresh pine ocean breeze bluegreen spicy stuff’ smell didn’t really replace the hospital stench, just mingled with it.

but for whatever reason, smelling these objectively nice soaps made me do flashbacks and get all hopeless and wobbly. so they had to go.

triggers are random. they’re often something that was simply present during a trauma, and you can’t guess what they’ll be. no one who hasn’t heard me explain this would ever associate suave naturals ocean breeze body wash with unbearable abdominal pain. so i guess the takeaways here are twofold:

- if you have triggers, remember other people can’t predict them, and don’t expect to be protected from them all the time. that’s up to you.

- if you don’t have triggers, don’t assume you can judge what a ‘real’ trigger is, and if someone asks you to accomodate them, don’t be a dick about it. even if you don’t want to make that accomodation, decline politely and apologize, don’t disparage their request.

If you’re going to deny someone’s request to respect their triggers, don’t bother being around them. You’re not a safe person for them to be around, whether you like it or not, the simple action of declining any kind of safety (physical, emotional, mental, psychological, verbal, etc) is not something a real friend would do. 

Respecting triggers is the bare minimum of decency, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Not respecting triggers (even through “polite decline”) is ableism.

Avatar
lymmea

See, I knew this take would be here in the notes, and it is unfortunately an incorrect take. There are situations in which it is reasonable to say “I’m sorry, but I cannot accommodate your triggers, and it’s important that you know I can’t do this for you so that you can decide what’s best for you accordingly”.

Example: a follower of your blog asks you to tag something for them specifically. Maybe you don’t like using tags. Maybe it’s a tag for something really common, and it would be a huge hassle you’re expected to go through in order to make your blog trigger-safe for someone you barely know. Maybe you have a terrible memory and you know you’re not going to remember to tag this thing, so even if you wanted to make your blog safe for this one person you can’t promise strict compliance. Maybe this person wants you to tag something as a trigger that’s very personally meaningful to you/a very prevalent theme on your blog, so you’re not even sure why they want you to accommodate them because you’re not sure why they’re even here because your blog is never going to be tailored toward people like them and you are not about to even start to try making it so. (See: if someone asks me to tag “the q-slur”, not only am I going to say no, I’m going to tell them I don’t even want them following my blog because they’re straight up insulting a major facet of my identity.)

Another example: a friend is triggered by the smell of coffee, so they ask you - an avid coffee-drinker - to stop drinking coffee. Full stop. Not “don’t drink it around me”, which would be a more reasonable request, but not to drink it ever. This is an example of someone wanting their triggers respected, but who is demanding accommodation in a way that infringes on someone else’s right to live their life the way they like. In those cases, it’s reasonable to say no, because the request itself is unreasonable.

But what if it was a more reasonable request? Say, a significant other asking their partner, who they live with, not to drink coffee, because it’s kind of impossible to escape the smell of coffee when someone is brewing it in the place where you live? This is more reasonable to ask, since it’s understandably harder for the person with the trigger to avoid the trigger in such an instance…but it’s also something that could be a dealbreaker. Some people really need coffee to function. (There are even some people who need to self-medicate to some degree with coffee.) Compromise could happen - such as, maybe the partner gets their coffee from Starbucks so they don’t have to brew it in the house - but it could also be super disruptive for them, or perhaps unaffordable on tight incomes. So how do you handle that? In cases of conflicting needs, the person with the trigger needs to either try to reach a reasonable compromise with the person they’re asking to accommodate them, or accept that they need more accommodation than can reasonably be given by the other person and withdraw for their own safety. It sucks when conflicting needs like that can’t be resolved(which can sometimes happen), but it doesn’t mean the person putting their foot down is wrong to do so. It doesn’t mean it’s anyone’s fault. But it’s not only people with triggers that have a right to live comfortable lives with reasonable freedoms to do what they want.

It’s nice to accommodate someone’s triggers, obviously, but a reminder: it is not okay to make demands or expect complete compliance from strangers to make something that is not ultimately for you, specifically - such as someone else’s personal blog - safe for you. Likewise, even with close friends, making unfair demands or expecting someone to change major aspects of their life for you, without respecting their right to say “this is too much to ask of me”, is a great way to make Bad Guys out of completely reasonable people. There are limits to what it is reasonable to ask someone else to do for you, which are also tied into how well you know them and how onerous it would be for them. Asking a stranger to make very minor accommodations is not unreasonable; asking a close friend to make significant accommodations is not unreasonable. Asking a stranger to make significant accommodations, or a close friend to make unreasonable and/or actively life-altering concessions, really starts to enter “it’s great if they’re willing to, but they are not obligated to and you don’t get to call them a terrible person for saying no” territory.

Saying “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this for you” not only is a reasonable statement - after all, it gives the power of deciding what to do next, for their own safety, back to the person with the trigger(s), and it doesn’t chastise them for having their trigger(s) so much as it is warning them that a certain space cannot reasonably be made safe for them - but it absolutely needs to exist. Acting as though anyone who declines to tailor their lives to any and all trigger requests, for any reason, is ableist - without even the slightest consideration to conflicting needs, or certain spaces being inherently unsafe for certain people(if people being tied up is a trigger for you, perhaps you should not be demanding the shibari blog to make itself a safe space for you), or even whether the accommodation request was remotely reasonable to begin with…you’re basically saying “having a trigger means you have a right to make demands that only Bad People would ever refuse”. There’s no room for nuance. There’s not even room for other people to have the simplest of rights, like “having the content I want on my own blog, and the freedom to tag or not tag what I feel like in a space that is literally mine and no one else’s when tags are already a user-optional thing”.

And it opens the doors wide to people who will either make unreasonable demands because of their triggers(because people with triggers can be and sometimes are extremely unreasonable about how other people should keep them safe), or to people who will actually fake having triggers in order to force other people to do what they want. Which is utterly reprehensible, and obviously it’d never be safe to assume someone is faking a trigger, but if you’re saying people with triggers get to make demands that only evil ableists can say no to, can’t you see how tempting that arrangement would be to people acting in bad faith??? It invites people (whether they have genuine triggers or not) to strong-arm others into doing what they want, and if their demands are refused for any reason then they have an excuse to villainize and attack those people.

I’m sorry, but nuance, compromise between both parties, the possibility of conflicting needs, and the right to say “no” to accommodating triggers are deeply necessary aspects of any conversation about triggers. In a perfect world, everyone’s triggers could be accommodated by everyone else with no issue, but that is not the reality of the world we live in. You obviously have a very narrow view of who might refuse to accommodate triggers and for what reasons, but there is a lot more to consider that you haven’t taken into account. Your stance on triggers and accommodating them could do far more harm than any polite refusal.

Avatar
Avatar
witchyangela

People really need to realise that “media can affect real life” doesn’t mean “this character does bad things so people will read that and start doing bad things” and actually means “ideas in fiction especially stereotypes about minority groups can affect how the reader views those groups, an authors implicit prejudices can be passed on to readers”

Avatar
Avatar
prokopetz

More favourite tropes:

  • “Unfortunately, [thing that would ordinarily be described in much stronger terms than ‘unfortunate’].”  
  • “Fortunately, [thing that is in no way fortunate].”  
  • “Unfortunately, [thing that would ordinarily be fortunate in nearly any circumstance except the circumstance at hand].“  
  • “Fortunately, [very minor benefit that absolutely does not offset the considerable drawbacks of whatever just happened].“  
  • “Unfortunately, [the exact, word-for-word thing that somebody just expressed that they hope won’t happen].“  
  • “Fortunately, [complete non sequitur].”
You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.