Police vs law enforcement
Look I used to work with tow truck guys and they do not give a fuck. One time the Air Force was doing a recruiting stunt and they decided to bring a plane as like…a prop? I dunno and they parked it in a 20 minute loading zone and 21 minutes later my coworkers IMPOUNDED THE PLANE.
Have you ever had an Air Force general call your office and bitch? He did not expect the tow truck guys.
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”
Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”
Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”
Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.”
Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”
Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”
Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”
Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.”
Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.”
“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?” “Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.” “What, the molten rock?” “Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–” “You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?” “Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”
Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.
“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?”
“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”
“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”
“… well, actually…”
“… what?”
“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”
“…”
“…”
“…what?”
“we sent-”
“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”
“y-yeah”
“and they didn’t… die?”
“Well the first few did”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
My new favorite Humans are Weird quote
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”
aka The History of Russia
aka Arctic Exploration
aka The History of Alaska
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.
“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”
“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!” “Don’t be ridiculous” “No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.” “Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?” “Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.
“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.
“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”
Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”
“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”
Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”
“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”
Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is considered “completely and utterly inhospitable - it would be folly to try and settle there.”
Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there because “Fuck You That’s Why.” It doesn’t matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible.
“This moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft - by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-” ‘OH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! I’m totally going to build a castle there.’ “What. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.” ‘Which will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.’ “….you….you are going to die, you know this right?” ‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?’
“Listen, lad. I’ve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show ‘em. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad – the strongest castle in this solar system.”
“I’m gonna need for you to explain ‘hurricane parties’ to me again. You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass they’ll hit up to a week in advance. And you…have social gatherings during them?”
“Well yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength. Then it’s time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.”
“Oh good. Category 3 is what again? Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?”
“No no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour. You left off the one.”
I’m sure I’ve reblogged some version of this before, but I needed the STRONGEST CASTLE IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM on my blog.
“This planet is so cool!”
“It’s a planet completely made of ice.”
“Yeah! Let’s send some scientists! Or I could be the youngest person there!”
“You’d die, it’s below freezing level!”
“But the blizzards are so pretty!”
“The storms of dEATH ARE NOT PRETTY!”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
“No, of course not. Nobody ‘sent’ anyone, they just went up there on their own.”
“They WHAT?”
Oh my fuck nuggets, the actual thread
these are absolutely some of my favorite threads on tumblr.
“And these spiral wind funnels are so powerful, they can move large objects around?”
“Oh, hell, yeah, I saw one toss railroad boxcars right into a cornfield.”
“Cornfield? This occurs in areas where there is agriculture?”
“Sure, it’s good farmland. Of course, there are towns and cities there too …”
“Wait, your people build their residences in the spiral-wind-funnel area of the planet?”
“Yup, we call it Tornado Alley.”
“Mm, right, good to know. Gorkle, one to beam up.”
“Humans are Weird: I Have the Data”
Book 1
Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, Audiobook)
Ooh, another book! (I have the anthology Humans Wanted and I love it)
I bought ^^ that book because of this post and IT IS ADORABLE! I strongly recommend it. @authorbettyadams thank you for promoting your own work and GREAT JOB!
Thank you! ;)
god it is so fucked up and so infuriating that embalming is a requirement in so many places to hold a viewing
and the worst part is that its so fake like legally this isnt really a thing but you have so many nasty old money hungry funeral directors leeching money from widows and those in mourning just so they can see their loved one one more time im so mad
dead bodies literally are not dangerous 9/10 times corpse air does not exist and yet you have multi level funeral homes like altima in spain who literally do not allow viewings without the body being placed in a glass coffin or behind a fucking window which again costs thousands and thousands of dollars its so stupid
do your research i am begging all of you to do research because the funeral industry is so not what anyone thinks it is. get into green death and eco burial activism. get into the practice of being death positive. check out recompose life and the stuff that theyre starting because its amazing. throwing bodies into the ground is not as dangerous as directors want you to think
AND LIKE green death is literally the only disposition that doesnt hurt people!! embalming is bad for everyone involved. cremation puts out really bad chemicals and uses a shit ton of energy. alkaline hydrolysis is another great alternative but too many people think its "gross" or whatever. look at me. look me in the eyes. look me in my tumblr dot com eyes. when you die, you can get tossed into the dirt. it is literally your funeral. get what you want
on another note, i am begging my bipoc and lgbtq+ friends (esp trans bipoc) to think about death. i know how morbid this is trust me. i know its offputting. there are too many trans people who die misgendered. research your rights to die trans. caitlin doughty has a really good video on this but im literally in the middle of my funeral directing class so i cant find it rn
YEAH THIS ONE THANK YOU
Good news that we deserve 😌
can not believe that a 70 year old senator actually uttered the phrase “ignorant slut” about bernie sanders on the senate floor.
So what actually happened was senator Kennedy said to Neera Tandem, “you basically called Bernie Sanders everything but an ignorant slut”
Which apparently is a reference to a SNL sketch from 1970s, which is odd but also not completely batshit crazy
But what is crazy is that senator Lindsey Graham in the background, who was not actively part of the conversation, then interrupting to respond with “well I wouldn’t say ignorant”
So whilst technically no senator referred to Bernie Sanders as an “ignorant slut”, senator Lindsey Graham did state quite firmly that he is in fact a slut, just a very knowledgable one
Why limit yourself between choosing a pretty feminine aesthetic or a dark one? If Persephone can be the Goddess of Spring and the Queen of the Underworld at the same time so can you.
Please DO NOT watch Sia’s new ableist film “Music.” The autistic character Music is shown having several meltdowns and being held in prone restraint. Prone restraint is dangerous, and has killed many autistic people. Take Eric Parsa for example. Autistic people are killed by neurotypicals who don’t know how to handle meltdowns and Sia just makes light of that. Plus, she cast a non disabled person to play Music. So again, do not watch “Music.” Here’s a thread of films with good autistic representation if you want to find something to watch.
If you want more info on exactly why this movie is a negative portrayal of autism, I highly recommend you check out these videos made by autistic people breaking the issue down:
(Please be aware that both videos discuss Autism Speaks if this is something that you find triggering)
[ID: A link to a youtube video showing the video’s thumbnail which pictures a young blond woman with long hair, blue eyes, and a shocked expression. There is text beside her reading “Autistic reacts to Sia’s movie”. END ID]
[ID: A link to a youtube video showing the video’s thumbnail which pictures a young white woman with brown hair and a flower crown as well as a block of text beside her reading “An autistic response to ‘Music’ by Sia”. There is a screenshot of the autistic character from the film on screen as well as a photo of a tweet from Sia reading “I’m sorry we were never introduced. My character was pretty low functioning and after attempting a few actors on the spectrum they suggested I use Maddie”. END ID]
And as an autistic person myself, I will give you my take:
This movie is hurtful. Plain and simple. I haven’t watched it, but I don’t need to, and neither do you. The trailer of the film is enough for me to feel hurt, and that doesn’t even begin to touch on Sia’s ableism and attitude towards autistic people who have spoken up about their issues with the film.
Sia is not informed on autistic issues, or even autism itself as she claims to be, and she clearly has no interest the the struggles of real-world autistic individuals aside from using them to feel like some kind of saviour.
I urge all allistic (non-autistic) people to listen when we voice our concerns and criticisms. Listen to us, learn from us, and care about us...and please, do not support this film.
I keep going back to watch this video it just captures my sense of humour perfectly
Demön
Why is everyone talking about the repercussions of Biden packing the court if he’s elected? If we’re able to get all three branches under democratic control, we’ll never have to worry about GOP retaliation. And here’s why:
The problem with so many voters is a lack of critical thinking. They don’t know why their democrat president won’t get things done. They don’t understand that without congress and the SC backing the president, the president can’t do shit. So when nothing gets done, they’re like “oh well maybe I’ll vote Republican this time because democrats clearly don’t do anything.”
Then when the Republican president can’t accomplish anything, they’re like “oh well maybe I’ll vote Democrat this time, since the Republicans can’t do anything.”
Basically “I don’t understand how the three branches work, but I know the president is important, so he’s always to blame. Next time I’ll vote for the other person.” I recognized this cycle when I was like. 13.
And now we have a unique chance to have a Democratic president, a democratic congress, and a democratic supreme court and the GOP is trying to block that by cramming a square peg into a round hole at the last possible moment.
So I ABSOLUTELY support Biden packing the court in order to counteract this blockade from the Republicans. My hope is that if this happens, and democrats control the executive and legislative branches with the SC leaning left, things will get done. It’s also my hope that the corrupt Republican party will either disband due to their lies being exposed or (more likely and a much more pleasant thought) they’ll all die of old age and take their corruption to hell with them.
Either way, the party that exists right now will no longer be around to retaliate. If Biden is elected and good things get done (healthcare reform especially) he will probably be elected for another four years. (or he’ll die ‘cuz he’s old, too, and we’ll have Harris.)
Best case scenario, we get 8 years of Democratic control, during which the Republican Old Guard dies off, and we get a sort of reboot on our national politics, wherein we can finally start to move forward.
Worst case scenario (and something I am very wary of, despite the “hope” and “positivity” in this post) is that EVERYONE is fucking corrupt and we’re all doomed anyway. But honestly, I’m willing to try before everything burns down.
…
my god, more shit happened after I wrote this yesterday. Shit about GOP mail tampering and insight into “hoping people die” under the read more:
Someone should push Mitch Mcconnell face first into a woodchipper
No no no, if you push him face first he’ll die quicker and it’ll be over sooner for him. Put him in feet first and he’ll suffer more before he dies
Nazis weren’t just the soldiers with guns at the entrances to death camps. They weren’t just the guys who ushered people into the gas chambers. They weren’t just the politicians signing the orders to invade other countries, or the generals ordering their troops to execute civilians.
Nazis were also the people who joined the party because it was the social thing to do. They were the people who looked the other way when their Jewish neighbors were hauled off. They were the actors who put their careers above the lives of others in order to take roles in propaganda films. They were the civilians who asked “But what do we do about the Jewish problem???” and expected a legitimate answer. They were the people who registered, and put their names on a list so they could have a little bit of social fortune while it was still popular to do so.
Those people were Nazis too. So when I say you’re acting like a Nazi, I’m not saying you’re the one throwing the switch on the gas chambers or pulling the trigger on a gun. I’m saying you are legitimizing and supporting a political ideology which harms other people, and history will prove you wrong.
I know it’s not hard to point out reactionaries hypocrisy when it comes to like safe spaces or hug boxes or whatever but genuinely how much of an echo chamber do you have to exist in for you to think this is a reasonable thing to say
reblog if attacking fascism is really the hill you want to die on
this is literally like one of the most justified and honorable hills you could die on??? lol??
if you need me i am going to be binge-reading the archives of my favorite blog on the entire internet which is written by this sweet old man who lives on a farm in the pacific northwest with his husband and a bunch of animals. there are nice pictures of flowers and ducks and the tone is so gentle and soothing:
like… fuck…. i love everything about this blog…. it’s the one good thing left online
sir………i am literally crying right now
LOOK. AT. THEM.
oh to be a chicken eating organic steamed rice on a snowy day…. i mean…. my god
Wait.... at the top...... were those lesbian chickens??????
