Clearly, The Pineapple Is The Slut

After thorough scientific analysis, here are my findings.

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”

He is Holt

this looks like the reception desk of my mind

When mom ask where all my money went (@hugoandursula)

ive seen a lot of unintentionally VERY funny interpretations of Cain & Abel but portraying them as a couple of mid-1950s schoolyard boys having a “WHY I OUGHTA” fight is realy just splendid

The conception of Ray Bradbury’s idea to write “Farenheit 451” (1952)

Person on the phone: Am I speaking to the head of the household?

John Mulaney, handing the phone to Petunia: It’s for you

→ You guys have nothing in common! [v1]

i dont wanna be that bitch…. dare i say it……….

icarly was funnier than friends

remember the halloween ep where they rolled spencer down the street in a giant pumpkin? carly and crew in japan? spencer with the ostrich? the episode with one direction? the other one with michelle obama? the randy jackson shrine in that teachers closet? friends could never……….