রাম ফিরিয়া আসি দেখে দেশ জ্বলে দ্বেষানলে,

তার নামে মিথ্যাচার চলে স্থলে স্থলে।

নিজমূর্তির মুখমণ্ডল দম্ভ শোভায় হাসে,

রামরাজ্যের প্রজা মত্ত রামধর্ম বিনাশে।

এ দেখি ভূমিজা দেবী রাঘবেরে কহে,

দেব হয়েছ প্রিয়, ভগবান এই দশা যুগে যুগে সহে।

ধর্মরক্ষা করতে ভক্ত মাতে বারে বারে,

কর্ণপাত করে নাহি দেবতার হাহাকারে।

I was blindly running through a dark landscape. The ground was rough and stones were piercing into my foot. I dared not stop running. Some shriveled black corpse-like hands were taking form and trying to pull me into the darkness. Their nails dug into my skin and left bleeding gashes. A putrid stench of death, decay and blood filled my nostrils. I was exhausted. My lungs seemed to burn. The place was infernally hot. But those creatures were painfully frigid.

I stumbled and fell. Panic seized my heart. The creatures caught up with me. Their presence brought back forgotten grief, fear and hatred. I felt anger, helplessness and every other negative thought that had ever crossed my mind.

A deafening humkaar reverberated through the terrain. It was terrifying. But it brought a strange sense of safety with it. I saw a few creatures crumble to dust around me. A pair of feet appeared in front of me. The skin was like the primordial darkness of the universe. It was stained with a blood-red alta and adorned with anklets made of exploding stars. I looked up and found Devi towering over the entire terrain. Her dark flowing locks formed the sky above. Her eyes burned with the power of a thousand suns. Her tongue was hanging out, dripping blood. She was naked. Time started and ended in the expanse of Her body. She was adorned with celestial bodies. A mundmaala hung around Her neck. A gleaming golden kharga in one of Her hands. A golden bowl in another hand, blood sloshing around inside it. She seemed to hold the entire cosmos in Her third eye. A strange mixture of fear and relief gripped my heart.

She jumped and landed among the creatures of the shadows. Her scimitar flashed like golden lightning. And bodies of those creatures piled up on the floor. She danced with a bloodthirsty frenzy, trampling over hundreds of those beings. I trembled with fear at the violent sight in front of me. Kaalratri danced the dance of destruction. She then turned towards me. Rage burning in Her eyes, She let out a blood-curling scream. She ran towards me. I was paralyzed with fear. A part of me was wildly flailing inside me...trying to run away. Another part pinned her down waiting for the Devi. She stopped in front of me and swung Her kharga. I closed my eyes. It went through my neck with an excruciating pain.

Tears rolled down my face as I opened my eyes. The pain had faded away quite a bit. I was shocked at what I saw. A shriveled decaying form of me laying dead at Her feet. I broke down in fear. All the ugliness that was within me lay in front of me now.

I started to drift into a sleep and the darkness around me seemed to dissolve away. When I woke up I was in the middle of a beautiful forest clearing. Large arching trees provided such cooling shade with their embrace. A little brook was trickling nearby. Birds were chirping all around. I was in the womb of Prakriti. The Devi appeared again. dressed in a soft white saree with a broad red border. Her skin was glowing like a blushing dawn. Her eyes held me with such tenderness. She smelled like chandan. She smiled and called me to Her. When I went near her She held my cheek and I started to heal. All the wounds started closing up. Every strained muscle seemed to relax. The exhaustion seeped away. I felt rejuvinated. Her hand had such a cooling touch...just like a cooling breeze against a burning feverish forehead.

She sat on a rock and I sat at Her feet with my head on Her lap. I cried my heart out to Her, long hidden grief, confusion, fear...along with feelings I have never been able to explain to myself. She held me close...humming some ancient melody to me. Not a word was spoken, but so much was conveyed.

Everything seemed to make sense suddenly....every turn that my life has taken, every person that I have met, every day I have lived through, every bit of gyaan I have acquired, every aspect of samsaar that I have learnt so far...all of them has to contribute towards slaying that demon within us, the ugliness within us. Every moment lived leads to slaying the darkness withing us and laying our existence at the feet of The Mother.

She embraced me and dissolved into me. I woke up with a start. My fever had gone down after two days. I was sweating, I felt like someone had breathed in a new life into me. The sunlight formed a strange pattern on my floor...a Trishula.

I used to think that physical or sexual intimacy was just a superficial encounter where two bodies clashed and emotions dared not peek in, in fear of being shunned away.

But I was wrong. When it is with the right person, every wall that you had put up comes down. The nakedness is not limited to the body. Some parts of your heart that had long been locked up come out to lay naked in their arms. The tears feel safe. The intertwined fingers seem to transcend the physical realm. Something feels like home. Their scent seems to embrace you just as passionately. Your hearts sing the same song of life...a life awaiting to be lived together.

It has always seemed that I am not built for the corporate life. I sit in the office shivering in the cold air conditioned room. The air seems so synthetic. I can see the sky from the large windows, the brilliant clouds painting the sky with so many colours, the birds....I feel trapped. The screen burns my eyes, the fear of failing eats me up. I have dreams to lead a creative life with the love of my life. The corporate life is a stepping stone for that dream life some day. The fear of the dream shattering keeps pulling me down with mind-numbing anxiety. I want to run away...far far away.

I return home, exhausted, after a day in the office. My bag is heavy, hair plastered on my forehead, I feel some deep sadness in my heart, a longing for my freedom. I sit on the bed crying. I know I have privileges but I cannot help feeling how I am feeling.

A soft scent of incense wafts into the room. There is a warm golden glow behind the door. I wipe my tears and open it. I walk into a cozy little hut. I am greeted by a man with a beak-like nose and a familiarity that I cannot explain. It feels like we have been siblings for so long.

'Kire? Etokkhone eli?' (1) He asked me. 'Meye elo naki?' (2) A voice sweeter than honey called out from another room. A woman walked out wiping her hands on the anchol (3) of her saree. A golden glow emanated from her fair skin. She had a heart shaped face radiant like a comforting winter sun. Her lips were the colour of fresh rose petals. She was dressed in a soft pink taant saree with intricate golden borders. Delicate gold jewelleries adorned her body. It seemed as though she was the one for whom solah shringar was made. Her alta stained feet looked like fresh buds of lotus. Her anklets chimed with every steps sending waves of joy each time.

She looked at me and smiled the warmest smile. Her eyes beheld me with the love of a mother who is looking at her child tucked into bed happily and peacefully. 'Hyan re bhaat bere rekhechhi toh...chol...khabi na naki?' (4) She held my hand and led to me to the other room where she had prepared somefood for me. Khichudi and bhaja. It tasted like the first time I had tasted puja bhog. I could not help my tears. I finished every bit of food on that plate. She stood up and walked up to me.

She held me close to her, occasionally wiping my tears. I cried my heart out. She then took me to a bedroom dimly lit only with her glow. 'Ne ghumiye por toh shona meyer moto,' (5) she said smilingly. I laid down and she sat beside me stroking my head. I shift my position to lay my head on her lap. She lets out a loving giggle. There is such a beautiful sense of peace. This is where I belong.

As if hearing my thoughts, she tells me this is where I actually do belong. This is where I can return to anytime. It is not silly to have dreams. It is not silly to be scared of that dream shattering. But we must carry one. She resides in that dream which leads to a happy honest life. Money is not something that should govern life. But it is a blessing from her that lets our spirituality and principles govern our lives efficiently. We often face a bumpy stretch of road. But we must not give up. She is there holding our hands and waiting with food after a tiring time. Vairagya is not everything that fulfills a person. Sometimes the smiling faces of our loved ones are the biggest peace before we attain moksha. In fact it is a stepping stone for the same. We must seek out simple joys and comforts which leaves our hearts feeling warm. Only then can we strive for knowledge and wealth. The perilous road is unavoidable but stopping for a while to look at a pretty wildflower does not deters from our path. In fact it fills us with more motivation and bhakti. Life should be a balance of gyan, samsaar and adhyatma.

I clutch the corner of her anchol tightly. She laughs ever so sweetly and plants a loving kiss on the top of my head. The golden glow fades and I wake up clutching my pillow. My mother is calling me for dinner. My room smells of incense and there is a pink cotton thread on my pillow.

My mind is in turmoil. Thoughts are racing around and crashing with each other. Thorns of shattered dreams are tearing through my skin. The maddening hopelessness of wasted time is screaming around my mind. The frustration of the focus that has been lost for years now choke me. Tears roll down my eyes. I crash on the ground. 'Ma help please,' I plead to the walls of my room as they stand witness to my pain.

There is a soft cooling wind. And a shroud of peace falls on me. The dark room seems to be aglow with a very pure light. But the light strangely does not blind me. It gently guides me to its source.

I am led to a strange place. I am surrounded with dark murky waters but somehow it does not touch me. There in the middle is a huge white lotus...the purest white I have ever seen. It floats on the murky waters without touching it. Lotus leaves form steps to its centre. There is a woman sitting there playing a Veena. She is awash with a strange welcoming light. Her Veena is emitting a sound which simultaneously sounds like every piece of music I love.

She opens her eyes and looks at me. She has such a gentle and loving smile on her face. Her face is like the moon of Purnima when it casts away night's darkness. Her dark hair ripples down her back. Her eyes are most beautifully lined with kohl. She is wearing a white saree made of the softest cotton bordered with exquisitely woven golden threads. She is wearing garlands of jasmines and pearls around her neck and wrists. They are spreading a heavenly fragrance all around. I am scared of even breathing loudly in front of this celestial being. Who is she?

Then I look into her eyes. They look at me with the love of a mother calling her child home. I rush to her without thinking anymore. Tears streaming down my cheeks I hug her. She holds me close to her bosom. Her gentle hands caress my head. My tears reflect in her eyes.

I have not spoken a single word but she seems to understand everything I have to say. In fact, even more. She understands every unspoken word hidden in the deepest crevasses of my mind. She holds my face and in the gentlest voice tells me to have faith in her. To not be afraid of the light of knowledge and truth. No time is lost. Everything is in accordance to what she had planned for me. A plan specific to me. Everything has been designed by her. I have to be unafraid of working hard to keep the flame of knowledge alive. The knowledge is not restrained in books. It is everywhere. She will always look out for me. Hold my hand through perilous roads. She will be there.

A resplendent swan glides though the air and lands nimbly on the dark waters. It reaches into the water and seems to have picked out some strange light from the darkness. I am bewildered. The Mother laughs...the sweet sound ringing through the darkness. She tells me to be like the swan. The darkest of waters have light hidden in them. I must learn how to find that light. Every bit of light I find will add to the flame inside me.

She gently kisses my head and everything around me dissolves into darkness. I wake up with a jerk. I am on the ground. It was a dream. But then why is the smell of jasmines still lingering around me? I stand up dazed to switch on the light of the room. A bright, fresh jasmine falls off my lap. I pick it up and hold it close to my heart.

Kolam : Part 2

The first day of the three day long festival has arrived. And our hero is still clueless about the malady that has struck his hear. It leaves him all restless for even the smallest glimpse of a certain damsel and chooses to randomly skip a beat or two every time he does spot her. What a horrific mystery!

It was day 1455 of Arulmozhi pretending like she does not exist, she had cried herself to sleep and woken up with a splitting headache, the kingdom was gearing up for festivities and she was entrusted with the duty of decking up the palace. There was way too much noise everywhere to help with her headache and she had to use every ounce of her energy to focus on a work and get it done. So our doe-eyed docile damsel was a volcano about to erupt for the day.

Some random NanDitha snippets that came to my mind....

I don't know if they are any good. They just randomly came to my mind while listening to Chinnanjiru Nilave (Marumurai). And I haven't written anything in a long time. I don't even know if I could get the characters right. I haven't read or watched the movies lol. @nirmohi-premika @nspwriteups @thatacademic @thelekhikawrites @whippersnappersbookworm @vibishalakshman you people might like this?