me very aggressively complimenting the signs

Aries- You have so much passion for the things and the people you care about that it is SICKENING. You’re so goddamn DETERMINED to meet your goals it is absolutely fucking admirable. You were BORN to be a leader whether you’re leading others or taking control of yourself. You’re not afraid to do what needs to be done because you have the fucking strength. You bring people TOGETHER. You have BIG SHORT PEOPLE ANGER ENERGY and it will get you FAR. You WILL accomplish the things in life by continuing to be your CONFIDENT and BADASS SELF. FUCK

Taurus- You are the definition of a RELIABLE HUMAN BEING. You are the rock that so many people need in their lives. You’re so fucking devoted to any task thrown your way. You make life problems YOUR BITCH. You do this by enduring all the garbage that gets thrown at you and wading it out sometimes based on pure goddamn stubbornness and you come out the other side with a BIG BAG OF ACCOMPLISHMENT and a MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR. Even when you want to give up you DON’T because you’re a responsible PIECE OF SHIT with GLITTER ON TOP and I love that.

Gemini- FUCK GEMINI HATERS. Some may call you two-faced, real ones know you are ADAPTABLE. You are fucking CHAMELEONS. You were the person in high school who had friends in ALL different friend groups. You are truly a gentle person with a curious heart, do you fucking hear me. You have the ability to reach so many people with your WIT and CHARM. You’re not afraid to take off your mask in front of people which makes you that much more RELATABLE. PEOPLE AREN’T ONE-DIMENSIONAL SO YOU SHOULDN’T GET FLAK FOR IT. Direct me to the Gemini haters, let me roundhouse kick them real quick. 

Cancer- You have the BIGGEST HEART and your ability to make others feel comforted in their time of need is EXQUISITE. Those closest to you know you will defend them to your LAST BREATH because you are loyal as fuck. The way you can find even the smallest things to be important or sentimental is VERY TOUCHING. You’re like a $100 8 oz piece of medium rare filet mignon covered in a sugary honey garlic sauce, SWEET and TENDER, SHIT. You can empathize with just about everyone, even those who have wronged you because you really are just that fucking PURE.

Leo- I would very much LIKE TO BE AROUND YOU. Not only do you know how to light up a room but you can FUCKING keep my ATTENTION. You absolutely know how to dominate a conversation, teach me how, you are a goddamn NATURAL. The CHARISMA, it OOZES, sometimes when you don’t even realize. You are the person others go to when they need a good cheering up. You know how to make a person laugh under any circumstance, you fucking wizard. If you were in a movie you’d be the hot one and also the comic relief and also the main character who everyone loves, holy SHIT

Virgo- You very much should receive the RESPECT that you fucking DESERVE. You put in the WORK, bitch, you know how to fucking GET SHIT DONE, bitch. People may misunderstand you for being cold, but in reality you just know how to put your own feelings to the side in order to do the task at hand, and do it with PERFECTION, because you are so fucking detail-oriented, you never miss a single fucking BEAT. You would be the person to find a cure to the zombie apocalypse in less than a fucking week. You can get things right even on your first try because you’re EXTREMELY FUCKING CAPABLE.

Libra- You aren’t afraid to put your faith in others and THAT is what makes you so fucking LIKEABLE. You are humble while still remaining STRONG and true to WHO YOU ARE. People fucking love you because you know how to view a situation from all sides because you have an OPEN MIND and an OPEN HEART. It is truly disgusting how amazing and rare that is, you fucking gem. YOU GODDAMN PERSONIFICATION OF GRACE. How are you able to fight for the things you believe in all while remaining sympathetic to all, it’s beautiful. YOU ARE FUCKING LOVED, UNDERSTAND THIS. 

Scorpio- You are the person who your friends would go to when they need to get rid of a body because you’re that fucking TRUE and FAITHFUL to the people you LOVE. Not only would you get rid of the body, you’d also know how to do it with 100% certainty you’d never get caught because you’re so damn resourceful. Is this morbid as shit? MAYBE, but you don’t care because you’re the FUCKING COOL ONE. You are a FIERCE BITCH who people close to you LOVE and your enemies should FEAR. Never underestimate yourself because you have the PASSION and the CUNNING to get through all fuckery. 

Sagittarius- If I had to sit on a 30-hour long flight with someone, it’d be you because you would be SO FUCKING FUN TO TALK TO. You truly do not give a SHIT what other people think about you and it allows you to speak your mind freely, it’s so fucking amazing. Your love to travel and learn new things makes you INTERESTING as FUCK and you know how to put anyone in a good fucking mood. You make people feel INCLUDED. Your thirst for adventure is CONTAGIOUS, I would like to explore the inside of the earth with you, fucker. You are a prime example of WALKING the FUCKING WALK.

Capricorn- You know how to get the most out of literally ANYTHING, if you were given enough popsicle sticks and glue you could probably build a second fucking Golden Gate Bridge. You KNOW what you want and you know how to fucking get it. Your mind is SHARP AS FUCK. You have so much discipline and self-control you could probably become Lord Commander of the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD and you’d be fucking GOOD AT IT. You are a goddamn force to be reckoned with in both your personal and professional life because you take yours AND others’ mistakes and learn from them, it’s fucking BRILLIANT.

Aquarius- The world is your fucking OYSTER, BITCH and you are ready to mold it into what it needs to be. You are CREATIVE, you are INNOVATIVE, you are a fucking VISIONARY. People love you because they know you give a shit about them because you SHOW them. You don’t fucking tolerate those who hurt others and people ADMIRE YOU FOR IT. You aren’t afraid to be your own fucking person and that spans from how you think to how you act to how you look. IT’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ALLURING. You help others feel comfortable in their own skin when they’re around you without you even REALIZING. 

Pisces- You are a GODDAMN PIECE OF ART. You are the type of person who would fucking die to save a stranger. You are deeply connected with your emotions and because of this you are able to create ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE FUCKING THINGS, not to mention it allows you to really connect with others. People from all different walks of life get drawn to you because you’re SO FRIENDLY. WE ALL WANNA BE YOUR GODDAMN FRIEND. You see the beauty in the mundane. Describing a personality like yours would turn into fucking POETRY. YOU ARE A SOFT PIANO SONG.

mr sandman

man me a sand

Make it the cutest man car door hook hand

Still losing my mind over the Animal Crossing series having a Turnip seller, Bug Catching enthusiast and whoever the hell this Beaver was who used to look like this

But now for New Horizons they look like this

Complete bimbo/babyfication

it’s their grandkids, are they not allowed to retire??

Absolutely not

It’s granddaughter and sons, and CJ even drags his dad saying he doesn’t actually know how to fish just eat them.

The new characters are a treat. Daisymae will send you bamboo shoots if you buy turnips often enough, Flick will basically pay off your house with his love of bugs, and CJ will talk about his boyfriend and buy fish, as well as hold the fishing tourneys in a much better way than old games.

Tom, Timmy and Tommy haven’t aged because they’re tanuki which are often considered yokai.

Blathers and the Able sisters got in with Nook early so he shares his power with them.

Kicks started as a young skunk so he can slowly age with the series.

Gulliver is essentially a sailor’s ghost stuck to sail the seas.

yeah that all tracks

Wait go back to the part where the Nook family are yokai because I don’t think we’ve fully unpacked that yet

Tanuki, or Japanese racoon dog, the animal nook, timmy, and tommy are actually based on (it’s only localized to racoon); is a famous magical trickster figure in Japanese folk lore.

They liked tricking humans into giving them money by trading them leaves magicly cloaked to look like other objects. Sound familiar?

They are not evil however, just mischivous, and in modern iderations of the mythos they generally bring good luck and fortune to small businesses. People even place their statues outside their stores to bring in customers.

Nook also started out as a small town businessman, down on his luck, and eventually with his quick wit grew his company into a housing empire where he builds homes, furnishes buildings, populates towns, and mentors others in good business practices ala Timmy and tommy, who were his pupils, and Lyle the otter later on.

Lyle being a former conman who likely got in over his head working with one kitsune…speaking of, one of the biggest bits of evidence of Tom nook being a yokai is his bitter rivalry with said fox, Crazy Redd.

Crazy Redd was a character in the series known for running a black market of fake and real art and would regularly con the player character out of their money selling them overpriced items and fake paintings.

In the back lore of wild world and happy home designer we learn that when Nook was young he went to the city with hopes and dreams to earn his fortune, but his dreams were crushed when all his money was stolen from him by a business partner he trusted, thus why he took Timmy and tommy and eventually Lyle under his wing and helped them learn better business practices to avoid, or at least get themselves out of, a similar fate. In happy home designer we learn that Nook once worked with a fox when he was young and he would never make that mistake again. Redd also makes multiple references to nook in that game as well, making fun of his home, ect. You can infer from this that Redd was the fox who cheated him and likely was the same one who broke his spirit in the big city. Tanukis and Kitsunes (fox yokai) have a similar bitter rivalry in mythos, to the death sometimes even.

Kitsunes also have the power of illussion but are much more malicious generally and regularly trick people into thinking sticks and leaves are valuable objects or food, much like Redd tricks people with his paintings.

Inshort Tom nook is a yokai cause Japanese myth inspiration in his character and species. However, this falls under and relies on the same assumption that Redd is also a yokai.

I am a simple woman. I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of bread products. I leave.

It's one serving if you serve all of it to yourself at once.

I like the way you think, friend.

Just learned about garden path sentences.

They’re basically a literary prank– the sentence starts out in such a way that you think you know where it’s going, but the way it ends completely changes the meaning while still being a complete and logical sentence. Usually it deals with double meanings, or with words that can be multiple parts of speech, like nouns and verbs or nouns and adjectives.

So we get gems like

truly a strange language

Thanks I hate it

if Gilbert Gottfried isn’t voicing this slamming power bottom then what are we even doing here

this screenshot leaves out the best part of the character design

guy fieri couture

I think we’re not seeing the bigger picture here which is that Disney has a dating sim app, if Iago is in it then who the fuck else is in it

I cannot stress this enough, but, what the fuck

I feel like it should be clarified that the sexy anime husband next to Iago is not, in fact, Jafar.

That’s Jafar’s staff.

HIS WHAT ???

This post is a new punch in the face every time I see it

+ bonus

this is the funniest thing to ever happen

Collab project by @asimplefavors and @isthemusictoblame: A sequel to the Pitch Perfect trilogy imagined as a Netflix miniseries. Set five years after the events of Pitch Perfect 3. Beca’s life is almost perfect. Now about the one who got away… [insp]

Bacchino Malato (Caravaggio, 1593)

My favourite thing about this post is that someone saw those photos of that cat and went “ah yes, I know exactly which 15th century Baroque painting this reminds me of”

A woman and her pet dragon.

Illustration from 1912 by German/Czech artist, Anton Robert Leinweber (1845-1921).

I love that her expression is like “Yes, I love you despite the fact you just puked brimstone all over the carpet.” 

forest puppy

that’s a deer

its a forest puppy

This is why I strongly advocate for an alien invasion movie but set in like 1142. The Anarchy is in full swing. 

it’d be so good. Everyone would map theological explanations of the aliens onto them. It’d be so much fun. 

Aliens: Take us to your leader.  Jocelyn, Peasant: All right. Um, which one? Are you for King Stephen or the Empress Maude?  Aliens: Um– Jocelyn: I recommend Empress Maude. King Stephen is a lying usurper.  Aliens: All right, Empress Maude. Take us to her.  Jocelyn: I always new God was on our side.  Aliens:  Jocelyn: You’re angels right? Come to bring us portends and tidings of the divine?  Aliens: Or to massacre you. Jocelyn: That makes sense. We’re very sinful. We deserve whatever punishment it is God has seen fit to bestow upon us.  Aliens:  Aliens:  Aliens: Wow.