update on where I have been

First off I want to apologize for just disappearing and I would also like to thank everyone who sent me kind messages :) which I actually just opened today (I haven’t even logged into my account in like 2 months) A LOT has happened in the last few months. The main reason I stopped posting was because my stepmom completely destroyed my computer. (I spent A LOT of money on it like $1000+ so rip) and when I say completely destroyed I mean it. After that incident things kinda went downhill for me, mostly mentally and it’s not because she trashed my computer, I had a lot going on at that time and I just wasn’t happy.. I’m not going to go too far into it but just know I’m doing really well now!!  I got a new job and saved enough money so I have recently moved out of my dad’s house and got myself my own apartment so I’m away from my step mom and that toxic environment. Well, I hope to start posting again sometime soon I’m just not sure when :)

I don't want to feel this way Although it is true when they say, no It's good for you to be alone, no But you can't learn it all on your own, no

Honestly I was terrified to tell him I was pregnant but he took it surprisingly well- he basically said it’s just as much his fault as mine considering it takes two to have a baby... He was just worried what his parents would think because they are pretty strict and judgmental...

“We’re just going to ease my parents into this. I already know they are going to be pissed- how about I introduce you to them this weekend and go from there.”

“Sounds like a plan- thanks for not being an asshole about this.”

“Did you expect me too?”

“If I’m being honest, yes- I mean we just met and now you’re stuck with me and a child for the rest of your life.”

“Well, it’s my child and I’m not about to let you go through this all alone.”

“Okay, I’m gonna give you some tough love right now- you need to get out of that fucking bed and stop moping around. Being sad isn’t going to stop that thing from growing inside you.”

“You don’t understand- your life isn’t fucking ruined, mine is.”

“Stop being dramatic. Your life isn’t over- but you do need to tell Anthony.”

“What if he tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the child?”

“Then forget him. I know it’ll be hard but you have me and from what you told me about your parents they seem supportive and will be there for you no matter what.”

“I really fucking hate my life- I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I need to cry some more.”

“You’re so dramatic Sage.”

“I know- just let me be dramatic, okay?”

I took multiple tests- I even made Nayeli go back for more and they all came out the same. Positive. I’m fucking pregnant. I really wish I could just stop existing right now- I haven’t even finished my first semester of college and I’m fucking pregnant.

“Look, I doubt you’re pregnant Sage. You probably caught whatever I had.”

“I really don’t think so...”

“How long have you been feeling nauseous for?”

“Like a week...”

“I’ll go buy you a pregnancy test and we’ll see if you are- okay?”

“Will you really?”

“Yeah, of course just relax. Everything will be fine.”

“I’m scared Nayeli.”

“You’ll be fine- I promise.”

“Nayeli... I need to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

“There is no way. You and Angelo never had sex right?”

“Yeah-”

“You’re just being dumb, there is literally no way- unless you’re giving birth to the next baby Jesus.”

“Shut up Nayeli. I’m being serious.”

“Who have you had sex with in the past 2 months?”

“A-Anthony...”

“Wait- what?”

“Are you sure you’re fine? We don’t have to hang out if you don’t want to-”

“Well, I want to. How about we watch a movie or something.”

“Anything you want.”

“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to puke.”

“Yeah... I think Nayeli got me sick.”

“We can hang out another time if you don’t feel well.”

“I’m fine...”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah... It’ll pass. It’s probably just a little stomach bug.”

“Ugh- I feel like shit... I think I’m gonna puke. Nayeli probably gave me whatever she had.”

A Few Weeks Later...

Ever since our first “date” Anthony and I have been hanging out a lot. He’s actually a pretty decent guy. We haven’t done anything else since that night and he hasn’t pressured me to do anything- which is nice because honestly I don’t think I would want to... At least not right now. 

“I had a great time tonight Sage.”

“So, did I we should definitely do it again sometime soon.”

“Is is alright if I kiss you?”

“Oh- uh y-yeah.”

I’m not one to get nervous but something about this guy gave me the butterflies- I mean I normally can contain my nervousness around guys but for some reason I couldn’t with him...

“You know you don’t have to leave, we can hang out in my room for a little... My roommate went home for the weekend- so”

“Sounds good to me.”

After thinking about it I decided to listen to Nayeli and ask the “cute boy” from my class to hang out and he said yes... I was surprisingly having at great time with him- his name is Anthony and hes extremely sweet and charming. He said how he is studying business so he can take over his father’s company in the future- so I’m assuming his family has money. I noticed that I payed attention (a little too much) to every word that escaped his mouth- he has such an eloquent way of talking I couldn’t help but giving him my full attention.

“Sage, you should go on a date or something- oh I know with that cute boy in your class!”

“Why..?”

“I’m just trying to play matchmaker okay- anyways he’s really cute and seems sweet. I mean from what you’ve told me.”

“Yeah, he’s sweet but I don’t think I wanna go on a date with anyone.”

“Okay fine- how about you just hang out with him. Maybe at that cute little restaurant in town!”

“That sounds like a date.”

“It’s not a date if you don’t ever say it’s a date.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“You better!”