Saw this tweet and had to collect Ryan Gosling’s best PR quotes for Barbie

Hey uh brand new addition

after a suicide attempt in 2016

excerpt from Cherry by Mary Karr, context being after a suicide attempt at age 13

Some context: Texas and Arkansas share a corner border. Now, Texas is FECKING HUGE and there are many, many parts of Texas that cannot visit Arkansas overnight, but there are parts where it’s no trouble at all.

However, those places of Texas that are close to Arkansas, do not include “close to Fort Smith, Arkansas.”

The closest Texas gets to Fort Smith is about 185 miles (about 300km), at “a little closer than Texarkana.” (Dallas, fwiw, is about 275 miles/450km from Fort Smith.)

So the dad in this story drove at least SEVEN HOURS round trip, to pick up a bushel of plums for his little girl, in the hope that some almost-out-of-season fruit would convince her to go on living.

Okay.

It’s bigger than this.

According to Wikipedia, the poet Mary Karr was born in 1955 and grew up in Groves, Texas and “lived there until she moved to Los Angeles in 1972.” So she would have been there when she was 13 and attempted suicide.

According to Google Maps, the shortest driving distance between Groves, TX and Fort Smith, AR is 439 miles (or 706 km for metric using folks).

That’s almost 8 hours of driving.

Almost 16 hours roundtrip.

(I assume he broke every speed limit he could.)

That’s how much this man loved his daughter.

May we all be worthy of such love.

May we all be capable of giving such love.

May we all have people in our lives with which we can share this love.

Higgledy-piggledy unparliamentary green parrots quarrel outside in the trees

Squawking out epithets uncomplimentary Squads of unmannerly Oversized peas.

i loved this poem so much that i memorized it and to this day i sometimes mutter it under my breath to keep my welding tempo even

every ask to neil gaiman goes about like this:

greetings sire, i am but a worm beneath you, but my dear sister is deathly ill and your work is the only thing that brings her happiness still. anywho, in season 2 of good omens do crowley and aziraphale have fucknasty butt sex? thank you!

mine was more like:

Me, stoned at 3am:

“This U, Girl?”

*Holds up entire English Translation/English script credits for Princess Mononoke and gestures vaugely to it*

and Neil was like:

“Sigh. Yes.

You, one of many sweet morons, who appears out of the veil just to ask this question every few months,

have forgotten because you’re simple-

but it is okay💖.”

Death Note Chess Pieces by Miho

Shared with permission from the artist, link to their Instagram (@miho.art) in the source

Heads up that Miho has made these as high quality art posters!! Really reasonable, for sale here!!

Shits Annual Old Inventory Sale (oops this shoulda been done during spring)

So with the arrival of our foster dog, my executive dysfunction has FINALLY taken a critical hit, which means I can get working towards shit I've been trying to deal with since February!

(ie killing old inventory and designing/releasing new pieces)

Doing a 30% off sale for these prints that are either a) going to be taken fully out of rotation or b) going for a bit of sabbatical before I redesign them to look significantly cooler/up to scratch with my current abilities

When these bad boys are gone, they are GONE. If you dm me for custom requests to buy a dead print I'll do so for you but the general listing will die when inventory is out. I've hyperlinked the shop listings to their bolded titles.

First Paragraph of My Immortal - now I THOUGHT I'd purged my home of these prints LAST year but there are STILL FOUR STRAGGLER SETS LEFT that I found underneath some old renn faire gear in pristine condition so. Here they are. On sale. I wish to be free of my curse

Naval Seal Copypasta - Ahhh old friend, it has been a journey, for you are a meme of such tenure older than even the porn ban and one of my first designs, but today I free you. There are 2 copies of the first page only and 9 copies of the full three piece set remaining, I submit you to the void

Man Hook Hand Hook Car Door - To be honest, it's 2023 and this one has never been a super popular piece in the first place, and with 7 prints left I thought it best to let her go for the sake of space

Penis - I put wayyyyy too much hutzpah designing this piece in the first place and getting prints of it done cleanly were weirdly difficult, so I'm just gonna be cutting and running on this piece - props to anyone who can find allllll of the dong jokes I've tried to weave into the piece tho! There's 10 prints left, and out of those one is a weird and fucked up misprint with which i will be including a free sticker just for funsies

Limerick Rolled- This is a sabbatical one, I designed it years ago with MUCH less experience than I have today re: text spacing and would like to put her under a redesign. There are only 2 of these bad boys left, and I'll try to get her redesign up with all the others when I release 'em.

Do Good Recklessly - Another sabbatical design, I'd like to neaten this one out and rework the illumination a bit more cleanly. There's 8 prints left in my supplies, and I'll also try to get the redesign out with all the new print designs I've got planned for this summer

Update: Limerick Rolleds are completely sold out, here are the stats on the remaining prints:

My Immortal: 2

Naval Seal: 2 of the first page, 8 of the full set

Man Hook: 5

Penis: 9

Do Good: 3

The Pride month sale is running concurrently with this thing so its possible to get a buncha prints for cheap at the moment

AAAAND i am FINALLY free from the grasp of my immortal! all prints have been sold, there's still a handful of the others

Down a Rabbit Hole I Went

I screwed up. I didn't think that using an ancient language on a piece of tumblr merch was necessary but I forgot what site I was on :) . This is tumblr, of course it has to be in linguistically accurate cuneiform. I went and hired an expert on Ancient Semitic Languages and Cultures. There aren't as many as you'd think that are willing to translate text for an internet gag so I'm so happy I found Paul.

Notes on the translation from the translator:

I used the ventive suffix on the imperative "give (rib+am)" which is a special feature of Akkadian that indicates the motion of direction. It makes it a little bit more authentic. The longer version actually includes the words "to me (ana iasim)", but a typical Akkadian speaker probably wouldn't have needed to say that.

Also, for the word "money" I used the Sumerian (KUG.BABBAR) instead of spelling out the Akkadian, because that was a common feature in Akkadian scribal writing. For the font I was happily surprised that Google has a Cuneiform font, so not only is it correct but it looks pretty neat too. Right now you can buy both versions in the shop but cuneiform version won't ship for a week or so as I have to order new stock with the new design.

stole this from twitter

Audio Transcript:

Bugs Bunny: I’m tellin’ you, doc, they/them pussy is different

Daffy Duck: Aw, pussy is pussy. Just watch me.

*fireworks*

Daffy Duck: God damn

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

Do you need something.

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard

this is, of course, where the tumblr revamp would always lead. Just in time for Pride month, the "Queerest Place on the Internet" is attempting to crack down on fags like us for self-identifying with slurs, rather than doing something beneficial like reducing the large ever present transphobe/terf population. Advertiser friendly is the name of the game and I'm sure in a few years this site will be identical to every other sterile neutered social media site available. Have fun while it lasts folks.

this comes right after they stole your joke too funnily enough (about.tumblr.com)

THEY MUGGED ME IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND THEN SHOT ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD

this image has done so much for my perception of myself it isnt even funny

a new contender

shut the fuck up its tdick tuesday. get real

Everyone meet just a normal goose :)

Glad you guys like this totally normal goose!

I am making everyone remember normal goose

Ok, so I was reading this news story:

So far so normal, right? But then:

Like what. And then:

Like, I think Alaska State Trooper Ken Marsh wants to be a romance novelist. 

well would you look at that

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