Just a doodle. I call it Tangled in thorns.

Just a doodle. I call it Tangled in thorns.

My contrabution to the pix2pix. It came out much better than I thought hahaha. although it was not meant to be an old lady.... I think

@therealjacksepticeye

This is Sacros she is the high goddess of life and death. Strangely proud of this one

To have what I want

This is the truth. I know what I want. I want what I have always been afraid not to get but to have and should I feel it - that is what would hurt the most. I want love. The work for kind it. The perfect argument kind, where no one wins yet we both do. Some days I want Nathan Drake kind of love, impulsive but kind and funny, and I would so easily be swept away despite danger that may be but I would be safe. Some days I want Spencer Reid kind of love. Smart and debating, light in the dark or doctor who reruns and talks about everything and nothing. I want adventure. I want not to be afraid to run in the dust. To run and not have to look back because he would undoubtedly have my back. To be to together when new things are discovered, and see the world in a whole new light. Yet, then again, I also want to do nothing. To snuggle on the sofa in the quiet and the calm and just be. I want pain. To feel every stab and hurt of it and know all I have to do is turn around and there he'll be, no matter what pain it is. Above all I want him to know that I would be all this for him to. But I am afraid. That I won't find him. That he won't love me. That I won't be enough. That I won't have this. So I wonder what it would take to have this? How much of me do I have to lose? How much heart do I have to lose? Why am I afraid? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So there it is. A ramble with thanks to the fact I am hidden behind This phone. Who needs therapy when you have anonymity and a tumblr right? The truth is it was just stuck in my head and I had to write it somewhere. Just take it as fiction rambling

If I have known love - poetry by me

Sorry in a poetry mood so i wrote something, it’s very basic and my first piece so be kind :)

If I have known love,

it has not been as pure as now.

With as many pages as a book of passion

and as strong as any arks bow.

To think of such love

would turn many sinners to saints

or to which sin would be wrought;

under a guise to crave

something as this, many times impossible

is ours and would many wish to take.

~

It is not beauteous or graceful

and many shadows cast hides it’s true face

but pure and naive, against time

and with death it will not displace.

This love is against evil

and with heart does shine brilliant

against every pain.

So, if i had known love before, it has been not as this.

So this love i partake and share in it’s bliss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there it is. Been reading a lot of Shakespeare and reading my favourite poems and sonnets for a while and fancied writing something of my own, so it’s sort of inspired by them.

Lava - very short spencer reid fanfiction

Forgive me. Prompts attacking me. Haven’t slept in days. OC with her OC daughter. Tiniest romance. more friendship. very short. Sorry again.

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Screams. Screaming. Whether the mother of a newborn, or of an adult child flown the coup, it still set a fear in every mother to hear a scream. It was the one of my child that set a fear in me. Instant fear. Instant pain. What happened? How could I fix it? Why didn’t protect my baby? Who ever harmed them was going to pay. I knew what evil was, I dealt with criminals everyday. No. I caught criminals. Had one found me? Followed me home and hurt her?

 Another high pitched scream, this one set my whole body into action. My whole body launched off the bed, slamming  to the floor, yet the pain was fleeting. A nap. A nap was all it, and now Charlie was in danger.

“Charlie!” Pushing myself off the floor, my feet slid on the polished wood flooring, making every footfall slide until I hit the wall by my door, my hip catching the sideboard.

 Why had I gone to bed? A nap? When I had Charlie? Why had I allowed myself to do that? I had left her all alone. Almost screeching my way into the living space, where her screams had come from, every part of me panicked.

Only to feel a very sudden numbness when her high pitched screams instead turned to laughter. Finally I got to the noise, and was greeted by a giant flow of bright orange bubbles streaming into the air and back down again.

Inside the bright mess was Charlie, laughing and dancing the mess she must have created. Behind her a pair of hands desperately trying to fix the Orange blob, a mess of brown hair with orange glob, and a pair of protective glasses that was any wonder he could see though.

Almost immediately I felt myself pull back the tears of relief. She wasn’t in danger, and I hadn’t left her alone.

 Spencer had graciously allowed me to rest from a tiring day, saying he would use the time to bond with Charlie, of course I should have known that the house would have changed colour, leaving them two alone. But I had no idea how my heart would flutter and my bones would warm at the sight of them together.

I wasn’t a saintly lady. I hadn’t lived my life exactly under good terms, and my past was far chequered than I would ever admit to my daughter. I had been thrown from family to family because of bad behaviour, then as a late teen had a daughter of my own, split my life between her and catching criminals with lives I recognised all to well, and no doubt would have joined if not for her.

 Then I met him.

 It would be amiss of me to say that it was love at first sight. He spoke constantly, and would correct everything. When my past came into question, he was the first to question. To be honest, I didn’t blame him. But when time had past, when his trust had been earned, his words started to make sense. His questions were sincere and so was his concern. His trust opened up the trust of the team too. I was a single mother with more criminal in me than officer before them. Now I had a family and it’s strange as hell.

Having somewhere else to go and knowing Charlie was safe there. They had taught me how to cook better, given Charlie friends, kept her safe and allowing me a night off which I hadn’t had in years. They had taught me to be a better person, being a better mother just came along with that.

And Spencer… every moment with him became brighter. Charlie adored him. All the boys at school made fun of her because of how much she loved science, yet he made her feel as of she wasn’t alone. When she was with him, she was smart and she was great and everything else every child should be. He always spoke about what she liked and when he wasn’t sure, he learnt too. It made me wish. Her father was long out of the picture, and was (by his choice) never going to be in it. She went to him with every question she wanted answered, she loved him more than I would ever think possible. Asking him to take care of her if anything should happen to me, it barely even needed saying, he loved her too.

So seeing them so happy, at play, seeing her so loved. It spread a warm ache in me, that I wished would last forever.

 “Nora,” Spencer had finally removed his stained glasses and amazingly I could still see the blush of guilt under all the orange on his face. “I…um - I was helping.”

“Look Mom! Spencer helped with my science project!” Charlie danced around happily in the bubbles around her, giggling madly. “I can’t wait to take this in, my volcano totally rules all!” Fighting hard not to bite my lip and laugh, I looked to Spencer again.

“There was a sodium problem. She did it.” he nodded his head realising more orange cloud around him.

“I see.” Crossing my arms was all I could do to hide the happiness I felt. Holding myself in tightly, knowing I would end up jumping on him otherwise. “I suppose she provided the sodium?” He stuttered for a moment then nodded profusely. “And the…Orange-ness?”

“It lava! Duh.” Charlie shouted out very much annoyed that I hadn’t guessed what it was.

“Well,” I managed to turn my chuckle into a sigh. “I would ‘lava’ someone to clean this up, before my carpets get stained.” my heart melted when he chuckled at my joke. The he turned to Charlie. “Oh! I know, Charlie, let me show you the magic of baking soda.” She guffawed as loudly as I had ever heard her and ran to the kitchen, leaving a trail behind her.

 “I’m sorry,” His quiet voice caught me by surprise, his eyes following after Charlie till she was out of sight. “For waking you. I know you wanted to sleep, but we got a little carried away.” he tried to brush the foam from his hair, I couldn’t stop myself from walking over and help him pick it of.

“I wouldn’t miss this, you can run for president now.” I found myself chuckling as I wiped his stained face. He rolled his large eyes. My skin delighted in the touch of his hands as he reached for my arms. I wanted to be closer to him. To show him the warmth he made me feel, but I pushed it away instead, we were friends that was all. But it didn’t matter, we were happy either way. “Anyway,” I sighed contented with the way my life had turned out. “What do you want to eat. Cheetos, carrots, whatever, we’ll have it with orange juice.”

“This is going to be one of those things I never live down, isn’t it?”

“Yep,” I chuckled. “Orange you glad you asked?”

“Puns, Nora? Bad puns? Seriously?”

“Aw, don’t be so blue, if we concentrate, we can peel this mess right off,” He growled with no malice, and turned back to the mess of a volcano and foam-splattered living area.

I had never been so happy. I never thought I would have this. I never thought I would have my family.  

Got bored so I drew characters from one of my stories. The angel Michael OBVS not mine, but Elodie is.

To be Chosen - Chapter 2

As requested by my first Asker, here is chapter to of To be chosen. I've tried to keep the mystery as well as the flow but dropped  clues to what’s going on, and who was in the car..(dun dun DUN!). Don’t worry if it’s confusing it’s supposed to be, it will either be cleared up by asking me or in further chapter should i write them.

 anyway here it is...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never expected to survive. They could have done anything to you, locked you away never to be found again. Finished the job and buried you. But instead you wake to a white room, the annoying beeping irritating your ears from the second beep that you hear. Your throat is dry and beyond painful, and your head is pounding so heard, egging the annoying beeping on. You try to call for help, but every attempt was only scratching and almost silent screeching.

“Oh!” the noise at the door set a fear in you. One that was set in your bones even though you didn’t know why. You wanted to scream, to rip the wires from your body and run away, yet you could barely move. “Oh, hold on sugar,” it was a female voice, and the woman moved around you in such a blur you could barely keep your eyes on her. From blur to a dark silohette you try and ask her what has happened but she was so busy with the machines that she didn’t hear you.

“It’s alright sugar, your safe now,” she jabbed at the beeping next to you and within a few minutes the scratching at your throat lessoned.

 You didn’t know how long the nurse had left, the light in the room was artificial and there was no clock around you. You knew you needed urgently to get out the bed. You needed to run, to find him. He was in danger, and as ashamed as you felt for being the one who put him in it, he was the one who could save you. Who could save your family from this. The last think you remember was darkness, pain and fear but just the tiniest bit of hope too. Something, something in your heart calmed the fear a little.

Your name was called softly by the door in a voice so familiar yet… not. Two people stood at the door. A smaller blonde woman, who had a kind face and a soft gentle smile as if she was waiting for you to shudder away from her in fear. Yet you felt no need to. The fear that coursed through you only moments ago had no power against her or her companion.

The man next to her made you hands clench and heart race. You knew him, it was him! Doctor Spencer Reid of the FBI. He was tall with a slim frame. His hair, chocolate and unruly, fought away from his hand at his attempt to push it into some neat structure. The action calmed you as well for some strange reason. His lips pursed as he attempted a small disarming smile.

“My name is Dr Spencer Reid, we’ve met before, do you remember?” His voice was still soft, not as patronizing as it should have been. Your hands clenched as flashes of his face in rad light flashed through your memory. Oh you remember him, you had held on so tightly to the feeling of his lips on yours, it had kept you going, it had kept you alive. You try to tell him this, but every attempt left your throat in agony. Your attempt to speak caused your guests to wince in pain along with you, it also hurried them into the room.

“Its okay,” The woman placed her jacket on the floor next to you and stood close to the bed. Your exhausted body didn’t even try to fight against these people. “ My name is Agent Jareau, Do mind if we ask you some questions? If you can nod or shake your head, it would help. ” You were desperate to tell her everything, but you managed a nod after your throat tensed again. She gave you another warm smile, one that only a mother trying to reassure her child could give. Her eyes moved to Spencer. So you looked to him too, and as much as you wished you could thank him, your throat made it impossible. “That’s alright,” he tried to reassure you, his voice as soft and gentle as he could make it. “You see we met in a bar a few days ago, you were scared but you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. You asked me to remember you, does any of that ring a bell?”

Something, something bad was going to happen. More flashes came over you, a dark threat? A game? You wanted to tell him. Danger. He was in danger. That had to be it! That had to be the reason they let you go. To find him as they knew you would try and warn him. With a swift look to the heart monitor next to, your panic flowed through the room. Though it seemed like an automatic response the young doctor almost immediately took your hand.

“It’s ok, you’re safe, I promise.” From the woman’s tense reaction this was odd to say the least. She almost looked surprised at his gesture.

“That will be quite enough thank you,” The new voice took all the calm, and reassurance and shoved it out the window. The man who had spoken, you recognised without even looking at him, as well as the woman that followed. “John Shaw, attorney.” Your cousin stood next to your mother, who bore down her stout anger with narrow eyes. “Don’t say or do anything.” his voice was just as angry as it was before, when you had refused to give the of the man you had chosen. Your stomach felt sick as soon as he entered the room, like it did when ever he was around you. The beeping next to you grew louder and faster, casting the room in a darkness no one else would understand. Of course they knew you were here. They probably brought you here, and they would take you home, where your blood would run cold and next time you wouldn’t survive.

“I’m sorry,” Agent Jareau looked between them. But your cousins eyes fixed firmly on the man who strangely hadn’t let go of your hand. “I don’t understand…”

“My daughter is here by accident, we don’t need any police investigation. We’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak to her any more and if necessary - without an attorney present,” your mothers voice was angry, angrier than you had ever heard it. She was fully aware now of the mess you had caused in your choosing. Your heart beat hard, audibly crashing around the room. Clearly something about your family scared you and though you couldn’t tell them, both of the agents around you shared a look.

“How did your daughter accidentally have her throat cut, ma’am?” you felt the gasp within your lungs but it didn’t come through your mouth, automatically your free hand moved to you bandaged covered throat. You start to remember, your family… your sisters… they were in danger and you… you did something… something that angered them? You remembered the coldness of it, but not the pain. You held on to the hope you had allowed yourself to feel which pushed everything else away. The feel of the man that mattered to you, the last bit of hope you had that he would find your dead body and work out how to save your family.

But the surprise also came from the voice who questioned your mother that seemed just as angry as her, Reid’s voice. His calm yet nervous face had dropped into a stoic irateness. Your hand tightened around his. He shouldn’t piss them off. They would only hurt him. But something irked him as he looked over, something about her body language pissed him off majorly.

 “As I said, accident,” She responded. “Besides we have the best surgeon on call and her doctor came all the way from Florida to treat her, as you can see she is on good hands, there is no need for…”

“Ma’am, your daughter came to an agent of the FBI for help, then is taken to hospital after a near fatal accident?” Agent Jareau narrowed her eyes at your mother, whether she knew she was doing it not, you saw her subconsciously stand between you. These people. This sweet kind people were trying to save you?

“What are you trying to imply agent?” You could almost hear the growl on your mothers voice.

“Enough,” Your cousins voice was firm as he turned to your mother, again the sickness and bile rose in you as you looked to him. “Stop Jana,” He said under his breath, even though you could hear it. “She’s a lost cause.”

Reid attention turned on you infuriating your mother further.

“If you are in danger, if you need to talk to us, just nod your head, and I promise I will help you.”

“Reid,” the other agent gave him a warning, as if he had overstepped his boundaries but it didn’t seem to faze him. Your hand gripped your throat. He had made the connection. Between them and the wound. He may not have known how or why, but he knew they were behind it. The man you had chosen really was a genius. He really could save you.

You found your eyes on your mother, her deep gaze a mixture on anger and disappointment. She had forgotten what it was like to go through what you had. If she had gone through it, it explain why she did not look at you like a mother, in fact she demanded you never called her that. Perhaps she hated you for existing because of her choice. She had never fought back.

 But you knew you had to. You had to save your sisters before it was their turn. You had to stop it before it was their turn to choose. You also had to save the man you had chosen. His life was in as much danger as yours now. FBI agent or not, if they wanted to harm him, they would find away. If you stayed with him, you could recognise the clues. You could tell him when they were coming to get him.

You wanted to, you knew if you nodded your head, you would be free, you could tell him and save everybody. Or your family would die before he could even leave the room. Either way, you would never see your them again. But you would never see family again. 

Freedom? Or the lives you had had your throat cut for? Or the man you had chosen, saving him from the same fate you had survived.

You had to make another choice. Either one would change your life forever. all you had to do was nod.

Welcome intruder - One shot Criminal Minds story

I’m sorry-not sorry for this one. Total fluff. Total and complete utter fluff, kinda needed it really. This was just a quick thing but anyway...

pairing: READER X REID

Content: One big fluffy oneshot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You dropped your keys in front of your door for the third time and felt the moan grow in your throat. Today… today was a bad day. First some clod on a bike knocked into you, tipping your favourite morning drink down your new blouse; then there was a major fire hazard at the book store. Then the rare book you had haggled weeks for was sold to someone else for less than you originally agreed to pay.

 Worst of all Spencer was out there, somewhere, in danger and there was nothing you could do to help him. You had seen the emergency alert over the internet, knowing that Spencer was there trying to stop the criminals from hurting anyone, but knowing he could get hurt too. Your forehead fell against the door, wishing that somehow you could help. They were your friends too, Your mind had raced seeing JJ on the news station, knowing that any minute you could have been called to watch little Henry should anything happen. The cook books in the store that made you want one of Rossi’s delicious pasta meals. You sigh little, always left behind, you would have to ring Garcia and get an update.You grab the door handle ready to lower yourself to your keys, however as the handle turned your weight on the door pushed it open.

 It wasn’t immediate fear, instead your mind wondered back, perhaps in your tired morning state you had left your door open? No, you remember saying hello to Mrs Thompson as you did it. No one else had a key. Instead of reaching for your key, or running, you immediately shoved your hand into your bag and gripped the pepper spray and dropped your bag next to your keys. True you should have called the police, or anyone to that matter, but it was your apartment, and hell knows you needed to take out your frustration, who better than an intruder. No way in gods name where you going to sit back and be another victim for Reid or the others to worry about. If you couldn’t look after yourself you had no reason putting yourself in their lives, even if they constantly disagreed with your point you couldn’t drop it.

The light in the entrance shone through the crack in the door, so you carefully and silently pushed it forward with your foot. Tightening your grip on the cylindrical tube in your hands, your eyes scouted the hallway and found nothing. The small tables and drawers had been untouched and unopened. So you could only imagine whoever it was wanted the big stuff. As was proved by the duffel bag dropped at the end of the hallway. Peeking into your kitchen a grimace fell over you, your cupboards were open and on the counter two crystal glasses and a set of plates were lazily set out.

Over the top of the counter you could see the outline of…something curled up on your sofa. Whoever had broken in really dared to sleep on the sofa? Did they really think you were that weak, that you wouldn’t notice? Silently moving around the counter you could tell whoever it was in the darkness of the living room was obviously larger than you, so surprise it would have to be. Perhaps it was fear? Or maybe tired stupidity or even hormones, but you knew pepper spray wouldn’t work here, so with your heart thumping in your chest, you leap forward.

 “Ah!” you were unsure whether you made high pitched noise or the intruder, who had unceremoniously fallen from the couch as you jumped on him. Using what ever force you had flung yourself with, you pulled him along with you landing on the floor and pinning him beneath you, your hands encircled the wrists and you landed hard on the stomach underneath you, clearly knocking the wind out of the intruder who you could finally see.

“Reid!” Your voice cracked with both shock and joy as you recognised the very confused and surprised face below you. Nodding slowly, the passing of sleep falling from his face with every minute. “I’m so s-s-sorry” You start to stuttered as the giggles rose from your belly, you were so relieved that the many mistakes you had made hadn’t resulted in your untimely death. Not when he was finally home. You felt the blush creep up as you realise how stupid you had actually been, it wasn’t just yourself you had to worry about after all.  “I thought someone… you broke in!”

“You gave me a key!” his voice was as high pitched as yours, shocked and alarmed. What? You cast your mind back only to remember that - in fact - you had just a few days prior to him leaving for work - given him a spare key. You realised a small ‘oh’ into air as the memory hit you. But something else did too. It was Reid below you. Spencer Reid. The largest smile you could muster fell on your face. You released his wrists but only shuffled your weight lower onto his abdomen so he could breath. “You’re home!” You squeaked loudly, before he could even speak again you pecked at him with as many kisses as you could muster. He was here. He was safe. He chuckled against you with every kiss you planted on him.“Seriously,” he finally said once you freed his mouth and moved to his jaw and cheeks. “You’re worse than a puppy,”

“I came here to surprise you and you weren’t home, so I thought I’d make you dinner but…” after you reluctantly let him sit up, you settled on his lap as he lent tiredly against the couch, with a sheepish grin. “I fell asleep.” he yawned, but instead of crawling away to have space, he gathered you forward, resting his tired head on your shoulder. You clung to him tightly. Your crappy day had done a total 180. “Then you jumped me.” He added. “By the way, why the hell did you jump me if you thought i broke in?”

“Because, of...” You struggled to come up with the answer. “The power of...” Narrowing your eyes you flashed your teeth with your smile. “I am little and mighty! Hear my roar!” With a lopsided grin he returned your narrow look. “Oh yes, so mighty, you didn’t even grab a knife from the kitchen, and you dropped your pepper spray. What exactly did you plan to do?” “It doesn’t matter,” You ran your hand through his hair as you had longed to do for days. “You’re here now. We can have dinner tomorrow,” he hummed in agreement. Tomorrow. You sighed as happily as you could.

Tomorrow you would have dinner with the love of your life, tomorrow you would tell him he was going to be a father. Tomorrow you were going to vow to give him as many tomorrows as he wanted.  

To be chosen ~ ReidxReader fanfic

You take a deep breath and immediately make your way to the bar, hoping to ply yourself with alcohol and get rid of he uncomfortable feeling that welled inside your belly before it was time. He made you feel sick, he always made you feel sick and often alcohol was the only way to get rid of that.

Pushing your way through the heavy bodies, you find a spot and plant yourself into a still warm stool at the bar. Dropping your purse with a little too much gusto you felt like dropping your head just as badly too. Your hands rattled against the bar but you were never too sure whether it was anger or nerves. “Are you alright?” the voice next to you was soft, yet even over the loud music of the bar it drew you in. You find yourself looking at a handsome man. He was young, not much older than yourself, and clearly uncomfortable at the bar he stood at. His hands were clasped around a tray of different drinks, yet he seemed oddly concentrated on you. And Yes it was odd, the concern on his face seemed actually genuine.

 You opened your mouth to talk yet surprise shook you again. The more you looked at the man, the more your heart fluttered. Even in unflattering light the man was obviously pretty, with sharp jaw and tantalising full lips. His eyes -  dark under the red light of the bar - seemed to take you in as much as you took him in. A small smile drew through you as you watched his eyes fall to your lips too, leading you to take a very slight bite from them. He may have just been trying to understand you under the loud music, but still it made you smile all the same. “Now I am.” you find yourself saying. Leaning forward to make sure he heard you,  you explain. “I’m trying to throw of some jackass who thinks I’m meat.” before he could move you lean forward further. “Would you mind staying with me for while? I don’t think he’ll mess with me with you around,” his animated eyebrows fell confused. “I mean, you don’t have too, I just…”

“N-o, no, no it’s fine,” he stuttered for a moment before shaking his head. “I mean, um, me?” he stuttered again his eyes moving from you to the his fidgeting fingers on the tray of drinks. This was clearly strange to him though you couldn’t really figure out why. He was tall, perhaps a little nerdy, but far from the mooks you had seen and spoken to before, so it was unlikely he wasn’t here on a date. He wasn’t here on his own, you could see that, but he didn’t try and look at anyone else for help either. You tell him your name, somehow hoping to apply some sort of comfort. “Yeah, your kinda my type,” you add despite the blush that grew on his face. He finally moves one his long slender hands twisting it around his longer brown hair and pushing it behind his ear. It set of another skip of your heart. “I’m Dr Reid.” he finally overcome whatever it was that unnerved him, but shook his head at his own statement. “I mean Spencer, Spencer Reid.” it was real surprise that came over you. He was young, far too young to be an actual doctor. At least he looked like it. When you tell him why you were surprised the intelligent man lead into a gigantic spout of statistics on the ages of doctors and other things that obviously meant something to him. the boy was a genius though he never really said it.

 It was weird. the more interested you became, the more nervous he looked. When you questioned him, he stopped for a moment before answering as if he was waiting for you to walk away, but you couldn’t. Every time he spoke about what he was interested in, the more playful and confident his voice became. He truly cared about what he was talking about. It was the first time you had ever seen this. This caring. he wanted so much for you to understand why he liked it, painting a vivid detailed explanation of why this thing existed and why it mattered. It was like in the few minutes of seeing him, there was a small hope in the world. Even if you were the most insignificant thing, someone - like him - would know and you would matter. You could have listened to him for days on end.   

“it’s very nice to meet you Dr Spencer Spencer Reid,” you watch as his mouth curled just slightly at your joke, but something else catches your eye, igniting your stomach flutters again. Your whole body shook, and from the hand that nearly reach out for you, you could tell he noticed. “I know, babe,” you said louder than you should, lending it to anyone watching you. You took the opportunity to slide closer to him, slipping off the stool and placing your arm around his neck. His whole body tensed against you, but as he cleared his throat and didn’t complain, you got the idea he understood your actions. 

He was warm, so much warmer than you in the little black dress you didn’t really want to wear. For the first time in a long while, your heart raced. Just being close to this man made you warm, excited and free. Especially after a little hesitation you felt his hand wonder to your waist, subconsciously drawing you closer to him, closer to safety. it was the first time you had felt like this, like there was a lightness in the world, when you had been in darkness for a long time. “Listen, if you are really scared I can help you,” he dropped his head down a little, what little nervousness he had was overwhelmed by a strange confidence that spiked your heart even more. “I work for the FBI, I can have the police…”

“FBI?”  although every ounce of you didn’t want to, you pulled away ever so slightly. Your heart pounded again but for all to different reasons. He nodded, confused again, but the genuine smile on your faced eased him a little. A peaceful darkness overcame you as you dropped your head on his shoulder. “Dr Spencer Spencer Reid, of the FBI” you could only whisper the name. “Thank you,” Too quiet for him to hear. “I think you already have helped me,” before he could question, you found yourself reaching up. Despite the heels you wore, you had to still stand on your toes to fully reach him. You kissed his mouth lightly, not wanting to frighten him away, but to have him remember you. The girl that kissed him, once just once was all you needed. You had found him. Somehow in the sickness and the darkness you had found him. Or more correctly he had found you. 

He relaxed against you, not quite sure whether to kiss you back or send you away, but you could tell you didn’t scare him, even though you were sure you should have. But you kept your kiss small and sweet. He wouldn’t realise it now, but you knew this was the only thank you that you could give him. You shiver against him once more. a pair of eyes baring into you made you step away, but you take one more look into his genuine eyes. he’s concerned about you again.

“remember me, please,” he wouldn’t know why, not yet. His confused eyes fell over you  till finally he looked around. Unsure whether he was looking at the person who caused your shivering or his friends. But your words scared him, you knew that well enough. with one more squeeze of his hand you let him go, knocking into the crowd next to you and disappearing before he could even begin to look for you. You knew the drill by now, soon he would find you. or your body. It didn’t matter any more. You found someone who could help. you found someone who could stop him. Someone genuine enough to want to.

...

Slipping into the car seat, your body shivered as the lights of the bar reflected against the knife in his hands. this shiver was not as good as before. This time your heart didn’t race, your body didn’t relax, and you could only wish for the warm hands you had just met and no doubt spend the rest of your short life wanting again, just once.

“I did what you wanted. You saw who i chose to play your little game with.” Your words felt cold against your lips. He wouldn’t know Spencer Reid. he wouldn’t know the man you had chosen was FBI. he wouldn’t know that even after he killed you you had sealed his fate too. “Now take me to my family. Don’t hurt them.” the laugh in the drivers seat was cold and daunting. At least you could die feeling something,  other than his the coldness of his laugh.

Spencer Reid. the man you would dream about until you died. The last bit of kindness in the world. The man who mattered. Who made you matter.

Hard to let go  - Criminal minds Fanfic snippet

So this is it my first fanfic post here on tumblr, So here is a snippet from my Fanfiction.net story. Please if you have suggestions or questions please feel free to ask as well as prompts you would like to read. I am a fanfic virgin I’m afraid so Please, please, please be kind

Backstory:::: This is criminal minds in the supernatural world - just realised - and in the original story this is a flashback scene so you don’t absolutely need to read the rest of the story. My original character is Autumn who is in love with the adorable Spencer Reid.

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It was elation. Even at the first meeting. I knew that. My head, stuck in a book and when I glanced over he was too. Reading some book a con artist wrote about the monsters under the bed.

"You know," I found myself speaking out loud despite the shivers that ran through me. "Those books are written by know-it-alls who don't actually know anything." I watched him look around adorably confused. His hazel-brown eyes darting to anyone that I any have been talking to before realising I was talking to him. I felt the grin slid onto me, I was right. Elation.

From the first to the second chance meeting at the library, To the third planned meeting, to the planned coffee to the others. Each time he opened up a little more, first spouting hours of facts about his favourite things until he would tell me why he liked them. I liked hearing him talk so passionately, even though I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about, but I loved hearing it. I didn't get his jokes either, but the sparks that grew in his eyes made me smile enough that he kept making them.

In my sheltered life, I had never felt the need to let anyone in. I have had crushes before, friends who came and left my life when I couldn't tell them the truth of what I was. It was that fear that shook my reality. I had let this man so far into my life that the thought of him leaving broke my heart. But it would be unfair to him to let him stay. It would be dangerous to let him stay.

"... and then there's a documentary on Garry Kaspinov who is considered one of the greatest chess players in the world. Did you know that some historian's think that chess actually originated in china although they think..." I fiddled with the bracelet on my arm. The silver snakes that crept on my skin never moved, but I spun them around as if they was. Though I caught his last words - it wasn't until he stopped talking that I realised I had spaced out. We were sitting in his car outside his house, since it was raining he thought we were going to make plans as we went. I desperately wished we could.

"Autumn, are you okay?" I finally looked to him, the tint of my glasses darkening his sadly confused face. His hand reached towards my shoulder but with a second thought he pulled it back, instead he took his own hand and rested it on his lap. He knew I needed my glasses, but he didn't know why. He didn't know if I took them off he would be cease to be Spencer any more.

"You're a good person Spencer," His confusion fell to worry. "Handsome, smart, funny, the most unselfish person I've ever met but most of all good. I wanna thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me a chance to be worthy of you. It makes me wanna be more than I am. To do my job for more than myself. To make me a better person. Thank you for all of that." he opened his mouth to speak but instead dropped his eyes to his hands.

"This feels like your saying goodbye." I closed my eyes at the sound of his hurt voice. It was too late my heart broke too soon at the sound of it. Gulping back my tears, I tried to turn off any emotion that came through me.

"I think it is. I think it has to be." I couldn't make my voice go any louder than a whisper. "I didn't tell you who - what - I am. I could hurt you." he was silent for a moment.

"I know what you are Autumn," he finally said in a mousy voice. "You may not have told me, but you don't keep it quiet." He found his voice suddenly confident as his head fell back against the headrest. "The snake fascination, the eyes. It's not that hard to make the connection." He raised his eyebrows and looked back at me. "But I don't want to say goodbye. I trust you." Of course I was confused. I should have known better than doubt he wouldn't know what I was. But he should have known better than to put himself in danger.

"Since when…"

"Since you said you knew it all about monsters. That and your name, a few connections and it wasn't hard to find out." he turned towards me, the rain pattering on the window pain behind him cast a halo surrounding him. It would be an image I would always remember clearly, no matter what happened between us. He had no anger or anything like that on his face, it was the same as if he was stating any fact he knew.

"Spencer, I'm dangerous!" I tried to get through to him.

"So are half the people I come into contact with. Did you forget what we do for a living?" I shook my head. This wasn't going right. I had to make it clear I had to leave. But I took his hands in mine, it took a moment to grasp my own thoughts. Especially when he let go of one hand to rest against my cheek. It was a bold move, particularly from him. So unexpected that any argument I had slipped from my mind completely. He gave a nervous smile, this was unusual for him to I guess.

"Spencer, I can't even look at you properly. I can never see you with my own eyes." I didn't know what else to say. I could only revel in his touch. He released my hand but my heart pounded hard as he reached for my glasses. Immediately my eyes shut, but I knew I had to trust him. A small hope came over me. He knew me and didn't judge, maybe - just maybe - we could make this work. He placed the glasses in my hands, I could put them on any time I wanted. But I had to earn his trust to.

I was desperate to look at his face. Too read what he wanted from me.

"I trust you." he said again as if he was really trying to convince me. I could feel his hands leaving me but I wasn't ready to let it go. So letting my glasses go, i felt his fingers curl around my arms as i used his to guide my hands to his face. As carefully as I could i placed my fingers on each side. My heart thumped triumphantly as unconsciously he turned into them welcomingly.

He was letting me see him like a blind man learns to see. So I did. I etched his face in my memory. The light creases of his eyes, the curve of his nose, the small curls of hair by his ears, the mound and shape of his mouth. Everything I could So he would forever be there. Under my cold fingers I could feel the warm blush of his cheeks, making me smile. he was embarrassed even though we were alone.

As his breath caressed my face I realised why. in my wondering I had crept closer to him but then again - so did he. His hands hadn't left me either. Whether he realised it or not, his hands had crept around me, while one found it's place on my waist, the other slipped up my shoulder blade, edging forward towards him further. The urge to look at him surged through me desperately. I wanted to see what he looked like at this moment, in this embrace that could lead to anything. but in that urge I found myself squeezing my eyes even tighter. No.

To keep this, to stay with him - I would lose my sight forever if i must.

A light pressure on my lips ignited a fire within deep my belly. I quivered at the touch of it. A kiss? he was actually kissing me? Any fear I had melted away with the moan i couldn't help releasing. My fingers no longer wanted to explore, my treasure had found me. Instead, they traced his hair back, locking it behind his ears and encouraging him to come closer once again. I wasn't used to him being so bold, normally he was unsure about any interaction we had. If we had to walk close to each other he put his hands in pockets. If I gave him something and our hands touched he blushed incessantly and moved farther from me.

But this was a kiss! A kiss!

I kissed him back with the same curiosity he had. I had never even considered this. That some body would want me, i didn't exactly have lots of experience. this was the first time someone made my heart flutter like this. I lost control over myself quicker than I cared to admit.

Something fell on the floor as I moved. The need to be closer to him overwhelming any other urge i had. Effortlessly i found my way on to his lap, using whatever leverage I had to kiss him again, deeper this time, my whole body in tune with the feeling. If he was uneasy about this new development he barely showed it, only a slight hesitation that he quickly overcame, kissing me when i tried to move. His fingers clung at my clothes, letting me move freely but still with his support. My advances were rewarded as he pulled me even closer to him, every break of our lips was almost immediately replaced.

His heart pounded against his skin, I could feel it on his lips, his fingers. It was as if nothing else mattered now. In this moment we meant something even if it never happened again. The need to feel more of him over took me. I wanted to make him feel like I did. I wanted him to feel like he was on fire, like nothing ever mattered any more. I wanted to discover where the sudden boldness came from so I could devour it - now or later it didn't matter when. I wanted him to suppress the moans in his throat just like I was at that moment.

it was more than I had ever felt before and I wanted him to feel it too. I wanted him to know exactly what he meant to me. I wanted to make him say words I had never heard him say, to curse or swear with this feeling. I knew I was close when he shivered as my nails lightly scaled the back of his neck. I wanted to kiss the trail my fingers left behind, the vein that pounded in his neck, the sharpness of his jaw, but the sweet taste that was his lips wouldn't let me go.

I found my hands slither over his neck, creeping under his collar...

SCREECH! The suddenness of the noise outside made me jump. So hard in fact I hit my head on the roof of the car.

"Ow!" I let my forehead fall on his shoulder before I could open my eyes and harm him. Spencer's breaths against me were shaky, just as mine was."T-t-t-that was..." I didn't know how to describe it. Intense. Powerful. Wonderful. But a strange flow of guilt wove over me. Perhaps it was a bit much for the Shy Spencer? Where the 'shy' part of him was a moment ago i don't know. By god did I want this man. But i knew the man I was currently straddling. A man who would barely touch me before. I wanted to make him more comfortable but I was also unable to move. By unable I mean didn't want to. My guilt was eased however by a sly kiss on my shoulder and I fell further into him. If I had my way... my god if I had my way...

There was a passive silence against us before he started chuckling underneath me. I couldn't help but join in the giggling as he placed his hand where I bumped my head. The more he chuckled the more I giggled, until finally he held me in his embrace quietly. I curled into him again, letting my heart rest before it was surely going to burst. Just silence with the rain patting the car sweetly. I loved it as much as his rants. What could I say? The boy certainly was a genius.